Don’t You Dare Stare Into The Demon Eyes Of The Hydrangea Hater Of Britain

September 12, 2011 / Posted by:

Madge not only loathes hydrangeas since their seeds are so pure and weaken the evil powers she possesses in her silicone sack cheeks, but she also loathes the eyes of film festival volunteers and will not walk backstage unless their eyes are kissing the wall. We’ve all heard bedtime stories about how Madge orders the eyes of peons and mere mortals to not look her way when she walks by, and she was at it again during a press conference at The Toronto International Film Festival for the bland turd out of cinema’s asshole called W.E.

The Globe & Mail
reports that before the Dark Cuntress floated on a cloudy sliver of virgin souls through the hallway, the volunteers were told to turn around and the face wall so that they couldn’t make eye contact with her royal bitchiness.

Sounds like Madonna was all smiles and compliments for Canada in general and TIFF in particular, when she visited the festival Monday to promote her new film, W.E., about famous divorcé, the Duchess of Windsor, Wallis Simpson. One observer even heard her thank the festival’s orange-shirted volunteers.

It was a bit of a different story backstage, however, when eight of those volunteers were asked to turn their faces to a wall so that they would not look at the pop-star-turned-movie-director as she made her way to her press conference about the film. One volunteer told the Globe they all dutifully stood with their backs to her as she passed.

HAHAHAHAHA. As a ho who has developed a strange craving for an uncooked phyllo pocket stuffed with Elmer’s Glue from staring at HQ pictures of Madge’s face, I can say with complete confidence that she did them a favor.

I swear, Madge is cunting harder than Kunty Karl, Heather Mills and Kate Gosselin’s cunts combined. They can all fist themselves before having a seat, because the true cunt queen is ruling hard right about now. Madge would order her army to blind a kitten with a rusty ice pick if it stared at her too long. When are we going to get to the part where Madge starts pushing children in ovens and orders the death of the fairest maiden in all the land? Bitch’s cunt powers knows no bounds!

Really. Telling some volunteers to turn around is some Medusa shit. The TIFF organizers tried to get the spirit of Perseus to shoot Madgedusa with an arrow, but he was too busy rolling his eyes at her ridiculousness.

That being said, I will never forgive the volunteers for turning around just as she sashayed down the hallway to throw hydrangeas directly at her face. Missed opportunity.

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