That Box Of Pixels Is Way Too Generous
No. That headline is joking (no, it's not). Whichever line on the wooden ruler Ashton Kutcher's dick tip touches is between him and those nude colored chonies he's wearing. But I wouldn't say you were lying if you said that Ashton's peen is 5lbs of sugar in a 15lb pixelated sack.
Acting out the beginning of the classic joke "a nekkid douche Jesus and a happy lesbian walk into a green room," Ashton brought his nipples out for Ellen Degeneres in an episode of her show airing sometime next week. That box of pixels would look a lot better if it floated up and covered that mangy curled squirrel around his chin, but I still have to give this dick bag credit for selling a show the right way. WITH NIPPLES! MAH BOO, take note!