BREAKING: Motherhood Forces Posh To Carry More Than Her Weight

September 8, 2011 / Posted by:

Either Posh had super-slim, non-bulging steel biceps installed into her arms and is wearing a Lacroix lifting belt or Baby Harper Seven weighs as much as a mockingbird’s whisper.

Baby Harper Seven might be the heaviest person, place or thing that Posh has ever carried in the history of her life. It’s like watching a dragonfly give a baby bunny a front piggyback ride. The power of motherhood is no joke. Posh is clutching at Baby Harper with her claws the same way she clutched the limited-edition Louis Vuitton ball bag Becks got her for Christmas one year.

My awe at Posh’s sudden HULK OUT powers almost made my eyes overlook the bizarre shit that’s playing down below. The dress is very “kindergarten teachers takes off her cardigan to move some heavy boxes” and those boots are “my sister in junior high school thinking she’s the shit.” Just because you’re a mother to a newborn doesn’t mean you should ignore your #1 responsibility in life which is to always match your dress to your boots. Bitch is on notice!

On a positive note, I applaud Baby Harper for already trying to perfect her mother’s signature shankface. Although, Baby Harper needs less squint and more eyes that say “You’re so fat that just looking at you is making me gain calories. Poof. Be gone.”

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