Yesterday, the entire Internet as a whole had a “Harpo, who dis woman?” moment when pictures of Ali Lohan’s 2009 face compared to her today face made the rounds. Some said that 17-year-old Ali must’ve gotten the Michael Jackson special by her family plastic surgeon who shares an office with her family pharmacist in a mini-mall office next to a 7-Eleven in The Valley. Others said that it looks like White Oprah is trying to get Ali in the next cast of Celebrity Rehab. And then there were those (just me) who figured that she simply just shed her old freckled human shell and she’s been a reptialien poorly modeled after Sophia Lamar the whole time. But it’s none of those!
Lindsay Lohan, who really wouldn’t know shit if it snorted itself up her nose, says her younger sister has never had plastic surgery. Ali’s model agency Next Management co-signed LiLo’s statement and said that she’s simply just growing into her face. You know, because most 17-year-old’s baby fat goes straight to their lips. This is what Next said to E! News:
“Contrary to recent reports, I can confirm that Aliana Lohan has not had any surgery. As a young girl who is growing up, it’s natural for her facial features to change slightly, and we see this with many of the younger models we represent. Aliana is a beautiful 17-year-old girl who is growing into her face and body, as is the norm for someone of her age. We take pastoral care of our models very seriously and encourage the models to maintain a healthy lifestyle and body shape.”
Next is the same bitch that called “Aliana” the future face of fashion, so you already know those hos got a lying keyboard. But that’s not the point. The point is that White Oprah will once again get a Mother of the Year trophy and plaque for this mess. You can put down your hand, White Oprah. I’ve already asked them to put a mirror on the back of your plaque and to make sure that the cup of your trophy can hold an entire bottle of Alize. I know how you like it.