Good Morning, Here's Richard Simmons With A Pearl Necklace
This is the moment in your life when you realize that New Balance sneakers sort of resemble the hooves of a unicorn that have only touched the rainbow clouds on a Lisa Frank folder. You should write that into your memory journal in glitter pen.
The last time the traffic of breaths running from your mouth to your lungs stopped was when Richard Simmons frolicked on a trail of bedazzled starfruits that fall out of his front b-hole (don't you have one too?) while spreading his genius in Beverly Hills. You immediately printed that picture out on strawberry-scented paper and stuck it to to your inspiration board since Richard is what we should all aspire to be. Well, you've got another to add to the board.
Richard, who is what you get when you feed Billy Crystal sugar-free Jolly Ranchers juice after midnight, stepped out again in L.A. yesterday wearing another Toddlers & Tiaras original and the kind of chunky pearl necklace Fred Flinstone gave to Wilma Flinstone. Yabba Dabba Do is right!
Richard looks like the Tooth Fairy's way more fabulous and glittier second cousin the No-No Fairy who slips a Sweatin' to the Oldies DVD under your pillow every time your no-no puckers. You're going to need a bigger pillow, because I'm sure the sight of these pictures is making you pucker like Renee Zellweger giving a beej to Mr. Lemonhead. I feel like I've been Care Bear Stared!
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Submitted by Sweetas on Wed, 09/07/2011 - 9:15am.
Hahaha Roxie! *high five* So true. Jacko posted a pic of him wearing a dress on the lake, and I suspect he likes the womenz. Just call it intuition.
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In my defense, the dress really brought out the color in my eyes... :P
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
Submitted by ritzyroxie on Wed, 09/07/2011 - 9:06am.
I appreciate you. I have a co-worker accountant who's been with his spouse for 15 years, and he'd never be caught dead in this outfit.
Submitted by citizenstrange on Wed, 09/07/2011 - 9:15am.
I would one thousand times rather sit down and have dinner and a conversation with Richard Simmons than Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian, etc.
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Agreed. Seriously. People take everything so damn serious nowadays and Simmons just doesn't give a fuck in a loving way lol. Love it.
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Sinead's rockin' slore-queen checklist:
I don't care if he is from the planet Zog.
Stubble is a non-negotiable must.
Must be very 'snuggly'. Not just wham-bam.
Must be wham-bam.
It's too bad that he has become such a freak....he did have a good message when he started out, getting people to move, though I guess now they run in terror from him so I suppose that isn't much different.
I would one thousand times rather sit down and have dinner and a conversation with Richard Simmons than Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian, etc.
How sweet - he is finally coming out of the closet (with the force of a tsunami).
Hahaha Roxie! *high five* So true. Jacko posted a pic of him wearing a dress on the lake, and I suspect he likes the womenz. Just call it intuition.
Woof. I don't think I'm in the mood this morning to look at his weirdness.
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Douchechill!
THOSE SOCKS -- He is srsly taking me back to the days when I wore those big ass loose fat chunky white socks with Sebagos, denim skirts, and white polos.
*digs in fard bag for electric blue eyeshadow and pick to tease the fuck outta my bangs...oh, gets scissors to cut some bangs*
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Wed, 09/07/2011 - 8:59am.
Thought for a minute that was some progeria version of Toddlers and Tiaras....
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FKINGLOLL!
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Sinead's rockin' slore-queen checklist:
I don't care if he is from the planet Zog.
Stubble is a non-negotiable must.
Must be very 'snuggly'. Not just wham-bam.
Must be wham-bam.
Um, listen dipshits. This is the spectrum of "gay":
#1. A person romantically attracted to members of their own sex.
#2. See #1.
That's what "gay" is. Anything else is what the person doing whatever wants to do. Their sexual orientation has nothing to do with it. Just like being heterosexual doesn't make all hetero men like football and domestic abuse! Pretty neat-o, really.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Don't hit back, just keep thrusting. Make that transfer, bitch!- MK 7/26/11
He suddenly looks unwell. I hope he's healthy.
Jaysus! Shouldn't this have a "Why Are You Doing This to Us?" tag?
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Damnit I love this guy!
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Sinead's rockin' slore-queen checklist:
I don't care if he is from the planet Zog.
Stubble is a non-negotiable must.
Must be very 'snuggly'. Not just wham-bam.
Must be wham-bam.
He's a scream!
Regardless whether he is hetero or gay (supposedly he claims to be straight, yeah right!), this bitch is I.N.S.A.N.E. The Wilma Flintstone necklace is a nice touch though.
This Letterman bit still makes me LOL
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtJc9_6y0PQ&feature=related
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"So if u don't like 'the difficult brown'.. Don't apply" - Sinead O'Connor
Submitted by islandgirl on Wed, 09/07/2011 - 8:28am.
Raul, here's a vagina pic for ya of Tara Reid out on the lash again if it'll help... NSFW-ish
http://www.thesuperficial.com/tara-reid-zeck-kehayov-drunk-new-husband-0...
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Wow, even her genital area has an eating disorder.
Thought for a minute that was some progeria version of Toddlers and Tiaras....
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
More of this, please! I won't need my morning shot of tequila now thanks to Rich...oh fuck it.
*knocks back*
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Don't hit back, just keep thrusting. Make that transfer, bitch!- MK 7/26/11
shine on, you crazy tangerine diamond
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"Wrist full of colorful rubberbands!" - album reviewer extraordinaire Khia
quite fittingly...
http://j.mp/f89sny
Does he rent these costumes or actually buy them?
Talk about "flaming" ! Apparently he's out and proud.
He forgot to take out the buttplug.
I think in the last few months he's gone deeper and deeper off the deep end. I mean he use to kinda pull it back a bit but sweet lord lately he's gone off his nut!
What next, a full out tinker bell costume?
Submitted by You_Complete_Me. on Wed, 09/07/2011 - 8:30am.
More cuntiness puhlease & thankyou!
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Submitted by TimC on Wed, 09/07/2011 - 8:47am.
Apparently he's so gay, he can't even stand up straight.
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HOLYSHITHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
Submitted by islandgirl on Wed, 09/07/2011 - 8:28am.
Raul, here's a vagina pic for ya of Tara Reid out on the lash again if it'll help... NSFW-ish
Eeek. I see that, post-marriage, she's quickly settled into a staid domestic life...
I think he is still in the gay denial, or at least it wasn't that long ago. Apparently he's so gay, he can't even stand up straight. Does he have a back problem that makes him lean forward all the time?
KILL IT WITH FIRE!
He's looking extra gay a somewhat odd these days. I wonder whats going on with him...
omg Richard what the hell??? Never wear pearls with tennis shoes. Gawd I have to do everything around here.
Submitted by islandgirl on Wed, 09/07/2011 - 8:28am.
Raul, here's a vagina pic for ya of Tara Reid out on the lash again
YIPES...she's neck and neck with Blohan for the death finish line.
Tara you really has to stop drinking.
Your Liver.
gay...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
Personally, I think something off the shoulder would have been better, but maybe he was going for a butcher look.
He seems pretty harmless.
I'll even afford him some credit for keeping the lard off all these years.
<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>
"okayyy lets not make a goddess out of Maria Shiver now. It's from her bitch face that she is a cunt." - cuntwhore (2011-08-08)
Ghey. But srsly...he really looks like a crazed memaw.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Raul, here's a vagina pic for ya of Tara Reid out on the lash again if it'll help... NSFW-ish
http://www.thesuperficial.com/tara-reid-zeck-kehayov-drunk-new-husband-0...
Submitted by madam s. on Wed, 09/07/2011 - 8:20am.
christine,
Oh yes, take it from your old enough to be your strange, tattoed wierd momma, he used to claim he was into women...
Jack, sip my coffee!!
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Oh God ,why don't you go sit under a rainbow and write a poem, Kyle.
He's missing a rainbow & a unicorn.
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"Going to Burger King to eat healthy is like going to a prostitute for a hug." Dlister Supah 8.20.11
We ask for vagina pics and you give us this? You are a cruel little man MK!
http://thechive.com/2011/08/30/a-good-one-liner-can-turn-your-day-right-...
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I'm not a living legend. I'm just a myth.
Are those nude nylons he's wearing? That seems like overkill.
Oh, FFS, why doesn't he just stop already??? He looks like an idiot.
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www.charitywater.org
www.animalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
omgah those legs. LOL
looks like Billy Crystal's Nana escaped from the Shady Pines psych ward.
Submitted by christine the hoff on Wed, 09/07/2011 - 8:19am.
mitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 09/07/2011 - 8:16am.
You putting it in my ass gives me gas.
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I love it when we start our mornings off right, Hoffer...
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
absolutely
o v e r t h e t o p
"OH YOU FANCY HUH" - KA
christine,
NO! He used to claim he wasn't gay?! Ahahaha. That is one of the craziest things I've ever heard. He was pretty much born in that tutu and pearl necklace!
mitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 09/07/2011 - 8:16am.
You putting it in my ass gives me gas.
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Oh God ,why don't you go sit under a rainbow and write a poem, Kyle.
Jebus Christmas, I remember when he was swearing he was not gay.
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Oh God ,why don't you go sit under a rainbow and write a poem, Kyle.
He looks like gollum in drag! WTF
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www.facebook.com/Jyounger26
The sound of his voice gives me gas.
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
Talk about too early for shit....
http://thechive.com/2011/08/30/a-good-one-liner-can-turn-your-day-right-...
┌_П┐(•_•)┌П┐__
I'm not a living legend. I'm just a myth.