Canadian Dude Busted For Using Céline Dion's Bathtub
When I Googled "Celine Dion bathtub," this came up. Seems about right.
While the GREATEST SINGUH IN DA WORLD gave her husband René Angélil a sponge bath after feeding him a spoonful of her blended pastries (not a euphemism, so don't let your imagination open that trap door) at their mega mansion in Florida, a Canadian dude was practically doing the same thing at their mansion in Quebec.
E! News says that 36-year-old Daniel Bedard tried to open the front door to Saaaaaayleeeen's house, but when he found that shit was locked, he slipped into one of Ruuuunaaaay's cars (which was not locked) and pulled out the keys and a garage door opener. Yes, René left his house keys in his unlocked car. But what he lacks in simple common fucking sense, he makes up for in clit-throbbing pure sexiness (Exhibit A).
Daniel opened the door to Céline's house and felt the sensation of a hummingbird cooing into his ears and a swan running its feathery nipple along his skin (it's that forty five billion dollar air humidifier shit Céline installs in all the buildings she lives in).
What does a ho do in Céline's house? Naturally, you nibble on her pastries (again, not a euphemism, so pad lock that trap door already) and try to give yourself a French Canadian Calgon moment by running yourself a bath. What Daniel didn't know is that her silent alarm (which sounds something like this and can only be heard by the K9 unit) was set off and the police showed up at the front door as he was coming down the stairs.
Nerve is something Daniel has nothing of, because the first thing that came out of his was mouth when he saw the cops was: "Hey, guys what are you doing here?" The cops asked him the same thing, quickly put him in handcuffs and later charged him with breaking and entering, among other things.
Céline hasn't commented on this, but since her heart constantly pours out love the same way her tacky ass Florida water park pours out gallons of water, she's probably okay with this. It warms the edges of her soul knowing that a crazy bitch wanted to scrub at his taint in one of her bath tubs and filled his empty stomach with the placenta wrapped in skin she keeps in her fridge. Yeah, that's what that was. Do you really think Céline keeps snacks in her kitchen?