Pretty Woman, The Kind Child Protective Services Would Like To Meet

September 6, 2011 / Posted by:

1. Your choices as a parent might be questionable if you named your child Paisley. Tartan or Argyle I can deal with, but Paisley?!

2. Your choices as a parent are definitely questionable and you should probably resign as a mother to take up a full-time position as the creative director of PedoBear’s Children’s Theater when you push your kid in front of the Toddlers & Tiaras cameras dressed up as Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman. Not even the classy Julia Roberts in the brown polka dot dress after she gets de-whored on Rodeo Blvd. But the pussy peddling Julia Roberts who picks Richard Gere up on Hollywood Blvd. What kind of crazy is running through that bitch’s brain to think it’s okay and cute to dress her little daughter as a straight-up hooker whore?!

I’m surprised this little prostitot didn’t stop, pull a rainbow of condoms out of her boot and tell the audience that she’s a safety girl. I don’t know whether to laugh as I pray that the world stops so we can throw that girl’s parents off of it, or to weep as I pray that the world stops so we can throw that girl’s parents off of it. Allow me to quote Snobby Saleswoman #1 from Pretty Woman when I tell Paisley’s parents: “You’re obviously in the wrong place. Please leave!”

The thing is, what really offends me is that if you’re going to hooker up your daughter by dressing her up as a prostitution whore, you could at least do it with the right wig. That wig is more Lady Caca than hooker Julia Roberts. How dreadful.

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