Hot Slut Of The Day!

The majestic piece of the Aggro Crag from Nickelodeon’s 90s mess of a game show GUTS!

The early and mid-90s were pretty much all about finding ways to murder or seriously paralyze our children on obstacle courses made of spray-painted Styrofoam rocks and cardboard refrigerator boxes pieced together with glitter glue, and GUTS was on top of that shit. In GUTS, kids battled it out in a bunch of useless weak “action sporting” events before getting to the main event: THE AGGRO CRAG! The Aggro Crag was a gigantic mountain mound of half-broken robot nutsacks, steel spikes, glitter cannons, smoke machines, flying crystals, volcano rocks and was powered by the same shit that powers Kanye West’s ego. It was kind of like Mount Doom on low-grade Ecstasy.

As the kids tried to hit a bunch of targets while crawling up gay raver mountain, the host Mike O’Malley and his sidekick Moe commented on the action the same way sedated hyenas would comment on the action in a cock fight. The kid who activated all seven of the targets in THE AGGRO CRAG won a bunch of prizes including a piece of the bitch they just conquered!

And the Aggro Crag trophy was what you get when you ask a low-paid stagehand to make a trophy in 15-minutes using leftover props from the Double Dare closet, a shoe box and Christmas lights. AND you didn’t even get to keep the Aggro Craig trophy. You had to give that shit back. It was like the shellacked birthday cake my kindergarten teacher would bring out on your born day. You’d take a picture with it, stroke it a few times and then say goodbye to it forever. Cheap ass fucks.

The piece of the Aggro Crag later retired to the Nickelodeon Halfway House where it sleeps on a bunk above Olmec.