Let me just start by saying that if Green Day’s Billie Joe Armstrong wore that sophisticated and sexy sequined tube dress on the flight, he wouldn’t have any problems.
The gutter baby of Gozer the Gozerian and a Beetlejuice doll from Hot Topic was getting on a Southwest flight from Oakland to Burbank when one of their flight attendants told his 39-year-old ass that he had to cover up his 39-year-old ass by pulling up his pants or he’d be put on the No Sag List. I didn’t know General Larry Platt was Southwest’s Style Director.
An ABC reporter was on that same flight and said they were pretty much ready for takeoff except for Billie Joe’s saggy pants situation. When BJ was told to pull his shit up, he responded with some verbal shade by telling the flight attendant that they obviously had better things to worry about than his ass hanging out. The flight attendant asked him again and BJ responded with: “I’m just trying to get to my fucking seat.” Game over. The pilot locked the door, a TSA agent tackled BJ to the ground and a flight attendant tasered his ankles until his thigh muscles grabbed onto those pants and pulled them up. BJ was immediately taken to Guantanamo Bay where they are currently torturing him by forcing him to wear his pants over his ass for hours on end.
No, BJ and his travel mate were both kicked off of the flight. BJ Tweeted this right after Southwest denied his 39-year-old crack the right to be seen:
Just got kicked off a southwest flight because my pants sagged too low! What the fuck? No joke!
A customer service rep from Southwest immediately got involved and apologized before putting BJ and his friend on the next flight out:
“As soon as we became aware of what had happened, we reached out to apologize for this Customer’s experience. He elected to take the next flight. We followed up with this Customer and involved Employees to get more details and, in our latest conversations, understand from the Customer the situation was resolved to his satisfaction.”
Billie Joe could’ve just turned down his ego, pulled up his pants, sat down, thrown a blanket over his lap and taken his pants completely off (NSFW like this) when that flight attendant wasn’t looking. That’s what I do. On the other hand, the flight attendant could’ve also just told themselves that it’s Southwest Fucking Airlines and if at least 75% of the people on the flight don’t look like trash, then they can’t take off. It’s an FCC rule.
But really, this is why I want to stick my tongue in Southwest (or Southworst as some hos calls them) and get a job with them one day. They give bitches the QUIT YOUR ASS TREATMENT for saggy pants, being too fat, dressing too slutty and for crying too much.
Just imagine getting paid to tell paying customers: “You hate belts, get off!” or “Your fupa offends me, get off!” or “You look like a penny hooker in a land of quarter hookers, get off!” or “You cry human tears, get off!” or “Your baby’s ugly face is a flight risk, get off!”
Just thinking about it is taking me higher than any plane ever could.