Open Post: Hosted By A Tiny Chauffeur

September 2, 2011 / Posted by:

I’m in California for a couple more weeks and that means I have a couple more weeks of keeping my foot off of a car’s gas pedal when I’ve got the sweet nectar in me, but it looks like the answer to my problem has been solved thanks to the designated driving girl child from China! (Leave your Asian lady driver jokes here.) This video courtesy of Metro shows the polite Latarian Milton driving through the streets of Shandong Province better than any Lohan ever could. The 4-year-old girl goes through traffic before her daddy tells her that’s enough.

Metro says that the Asian baby Deborah Foreman is operating the pedals with the help of a device the Chinese built after Tommy Girl wah-wah-wahed to them about how his feetsies can’t reach his Big Wheel pedals and he has to sit on the side during Scientology play dates.

Of course, some dream-killing evil whores are trying to say that this video is a work of manufactured fiction. They’re trying to say that some ho is operating the car from a remote control in the back seat. Others are saying it’s one of those student driver cars and a partner in fakery is driving from the passenger seat. Will you tell them to stop! They are ruining my life. They should use their energy on begging this girl’s parents to teach her how to drive with one hand and hold a Bacardi Breezer in the other while I take a toke from my one-hitter.

I mean, why do the cup holders in cars not know how to hold a Bacardi Breezer right? Why is that?

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