Kellan Lutz tells GQ Style Australia that he lives with a bunch of “his boys” and one of them is a dude he found on Craigslist named Dick who owns a chihuahua they call Kevin. To which I’ll say Parasite Hilton’s elementary school nickname: TOO EASY! This is what the six-pack on stilts of muscle had to say about getting more Dick in his life to GQ:
It’s not that I’m not. It’s just that any mortal man in the presence of a towering powerhouse like Lutz can’t help but feel like a yellow-billed oxpecker on the back of a great hippo. Which is why I’m relieved when Kevin the chihuahua suddenly scampers off to bark at something inside. “That must be Dick,” Lutz says, following Kevin into the house. “Dick’s one of my room-mates.” Lutz isn’t dating anyone at the moment, but still. Room-mates? “I like being around people,” he explains, “so I posted an ad on Craigslist saying I was looking for new blood.” He looks to see if I get the joke. “Dick came by and we liked him, so, yeah, now he’s one of my boys.”
“My boys” is a term Lutz uses a lot, as in, “My boys all want to go to Vegas to watch the Super Bowl with me, so I say, ‘Great. I’ll provide the rooms and whatnot. All you have to do is buy a $400 plane ticket.’ That’s when my boys start moaning, ‘Oh, we have no money.’ But then I’ll catch them spending $200 a night getting drunk with a girl. What’s up with that?”
So, Kellan Lutz lives with a group of his boys, calls them his “roommates,” takes them on trips to Las Vegas, gives them $400 prepaid credit cards to buy their airline tickets with (so they can tell people THEY bought the tickets) and their only duties are to bleach Kevin’s b-hole and to caulk the toilet seat whenever he accidentally breaks it by flexing the biceps on his ass cheeks during a shit? To which I’ll say the word that Kunty Karl’s male human writes on his tax return next to occupation: KEPT BITCH!
Here’s Muscle Daddy Kellan and friend of Dick putting muscles on top of his muscle’s muscle’s muscle at Muscle Beach in Venice, CA the other day.
P.S. – Heh. He said “oxpecker.“