Lies Your Tattoo Told You
Billy Joel drives like a blind paraplegic and is known for playing chicken with trees and losing. Lindsay Lohan's entire life is a 40-car pileup on 1-495 and her face looks like an old tree that has been hit by Billy Joel's bumper, so it was destiny that they come together to create some shit that would make more sense stamped onto an expired piece of hangar steak in the broken refrigerator at C-Town. Former actress turned sea jasper aficionado LiLo put her stale Dorito carcass under a tattoo artist's needle at Shamrock Tattoo in L.A. earlier this week and got a lyric to Billy Joel's "I Go To Extremes" inked into her jerkified flesh.
TMZ magically got a hold of these pictures (aka White Oprah e-mailed them with the note: "Wanna do me?" Actually, that note is her e-mail signature, because you never know. Someone might sign up for that one day) and they were told that LiLo thinks her new tattoo represents "where she is in life and everything she's been through ... it signifies that she's focused."
BJ's "Goodbye to Hollywood" would've been a more appropriate choice, but this is a Lohan. They have those opposite eyes. Everything we see, they see the opposite thing. For example:
LiLo sees: Clear as a crystal
We see: Clear as a crystal meth pipe that has been passed around a Bronx crack den so much that its mouthpiece has cold sores on it and the cracks in its bowl are held together with Scotch Tape.
LiLo sees: Sharp as a knife
We see: Sharp as a knife after Blohan used it to stab the body of career until the blade broke off when it hit the I Know Who Killed Me organ.
LiLo see: I feel like
We see: Bitch, don't act like all the quartz dust (or whatever) you snort up didn't eat all the feelings in your nerves. You're like a b-hole slathered in Orajel.
LiLo sees: I'm in the prime of my life
We see: AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHajkfdsfhladsfAHJAHAHAHAHHA
Okay, I take back that last one. It was unfair. That's something a 50-something who just got her second vaginal rejuvenation and a membership to the Pussy Lube of the Month Club would say, so it completely fits.
You know, now that I look at it the entire tattoo fits. That font makes your retinas laugh, it's crooked as shit, the spacing isn't trying to be great and overall it's a mess. It's like the tattoo version of LeAnn Rimes' tits. It's slurring so much that you can't take it seriously. So good job to that tattoo artist! Although, they probably didn't mean to do that on purpose. I'm sure it was hard trying not to laugh with their whole body while tattooing words of delusion into a Lohan.
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Submitted by SuperJ on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 11:14am.
Thank you Pickles Borgata, that was the first thing I thought when I saw this mess. I guess she could always have a comma added in.
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the words "crystal" and "knife" as so close together that adding a comma in there will look squished. poor lohan, tattoo fail
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"Wrist full of colorful rubberbands!" - album reviewer extraordinaire Khia
quite fittingly...
http://j.mp/f89sny
how messed up is this tattoo? let me count the ways...
1 - the font is inconsistent, the 2nd "I" looks like a different font style altogether than the first. the "y"s also look different. did the tattoo artist just pull this font out of their ass after lohan told them to make it look like "it was written with one of those big feather pens"
2 - the font slant is messed up throughout
3 - there should be a comma after crystal, but I wouldn't expect lohan to know that or recognize that it reads weird without it
4 - weird double (quadruple?) space space between "like" and "I'm"
5 - the space between the sentences gets bigger as it goes to the right side (the "clear" and "I" are closer to each other than the "life" and "knife").
am I forgetting anything?
for her sake, I hope she talked the tattoo place into giving her the tattoo for free, since she does that with everything else on her body.
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"Wrist full of colorful rubberbands!" - album reviewer extraordinaire Khia
quite fittingly...
http://j.mp/f89sny
INCORRECT GRAMMAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*throws monitor across the room*
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
The prime of your life is in your armpit.
The lengths this addict will go to keep herself in the limelight.
I didn't read all the comments, but obvs she should have gone with "We didn't start the fire" above her twat. That, or "Only the good die young."
I love that there's proof of her having a massive crackie twitch on the second line.
Is that admissible evidence?
*secretly dials Danette Meyers*
Happy Birthday Barry!!
And the downward spiral continues.
Why didn't she tattoo something more truthful...like a red letter "A"?
Submitted by YouAnnoyMeGoAway on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 5:12pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 11:30am.
♪ fuck these dysfunctional, insecure actresses♪
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Right on! But I wouldda had to hunt this walking pustule of horror down if'n she got TOOL lyrics tatted on her leathered-up carcass.
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There is always a TOOL lyric fitting for every situation.
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 11:30am.
♪ fuck these dysfunctional, insecure actresses♪
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Right on! But I wouldda had to hunt this walking pustule of horror down if'n she got TOOL lyrics tatted on her leathered-up carcass.
She should just get a tattoo on her forehead that says 'I'm a stupid bitch" and call it a day.
.
Other William Joel lyrics this spotted weasel could have had inked:
"You may be right; I may be crazy."
"We ain't too pretty we ain't too proud
We might be laughing a bit too loud"
"Nowadays you can't be too sentimental
Your best bet's a true baby blue Continental.
Hot funk, cool punk, even if it's old junk"
"And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar
And say, "Man, what are you doin' here?""
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
"You may be right/ I may be crazy/ But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for"
seems to be a more apropos lyric from BJ for LL.
Just die already bitch!
she should get the catwoman mask tattooed on her face and maybe she can still get the part.
Yes you are clear crackie, so clear we can all see through your bullshit. Stop writting, stop twatting, stop telling people how you've changed and fucking show us bitch.
Don't talk about it, be about it.
Tattoo that into your head.
Oh god, these attention hoars getting hidden stupid "sayings" wasting artist's time. Bitch, get a real tattoo, an image that reps your whole life as you see it and your dumb issues, i.e. a newspaper, or a whole rack of magazines and call it fucking day on the ink.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Eazy E's own prescription for "nourishing the inner aspect", Nutz On Ya Chin.
MK there are more meth pipes in Skidrow than there are in the Bronx. CRACK pipes are popular in the Bronx NOT meth *sheesh*
Sincerely,
a Bronx native.
♪ fuck these dysfunctional, insecure actresses♪
Submitted by pickles borgata on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 11:06am.
When stupid tattoos appear with incorrect grammar. Girl could of used a comma, but I'm just sayin'.
Thank you, pickles! I was thinking the same damn thing.
Submitted by pickles borgata on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 11:06am.
When stupid tattoos appear with incorrect grammar. Girl could of used a comma, but I'm just sayin'.
Thank you, pickles! I was thinking the same damn thing.
PSL, nar, that's WO with roaming IP's.
there are people who still DEFEND this girl on people.com's fb page. UNBELIEVABLE.
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No message could have been any clearer
If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and make that change
-Michael Jackson
That BITCH. That was my song (well, one of them) - now it's ruined. UGH.
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"It's all fun and farts until somebody gets punched." -MK
"GREEN MILE MOTHERFUCKERS! JOHN COFFEY HELP US!" --urmomma, 8/24/11
Thank you Pickles Borgata, that was the first thing I thought when I saw this mess. I guess she could always have a comma added in.
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Always look on the bright side of life
are we talking about song lyrics tats? Mine would be this by Jodeci what? I am listening to jams mmmkay
I wanna freak you [repeat X8]
Everytime I close my eyes
I wake up feelin' so horny
I can't get you outta my mind
Sexin' you be all I see
I would give anything
Just to make you understand me
I don't give a damn about nothing else
Freek'n you is all I see
Tonight, I need your body
Tonight, you got my time
Tonight you won't be sorry
Tonight, you got my mind
You got my mind, all I wanna do is freak you
Coma Caca!
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When stupid tattoos appear with incorrect grammar. Girl could of used a comma, but I'm just sayin'.
Submitted by KA on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 10:37am.
favorite billy joel song: scenes from an italian restaurant.
Me too. Fantastic song. "a bottle of red, a bottle of white..." oh and if the lyrics would have been "a bottle of Grey Goose" that would have been tattoo'd instead.
LiLo is as shallow as the puddle of vomit she probably woke up in this morning. Yeah, the tattoo will convince everyone you've got your shit together. Yep, that'll do it. LiLo, you is sooooo smarted!
I hope the tattoo guy wore a hazmat suit. BloHan's body cootie situation, not to mention the stench from a 12-pack a day habit of Marlboro Reds and the coke breaf!
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www.charitywater.org
www.animalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Few Words on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 10:39am.
jack hat
i betcha sucky got a tat on this dick that says WMD
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BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAH!!!!!
*falls off chair*
Submitted by Vermithrax on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 10:30am.
I dig angry M.E. posts :)
Also the spacing on the second tat line is fux0red.
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MUAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
┌П┐(◣_◢)┌П┐
jack hat
i betcha sucky got a tat on this dick that says WMD
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
i saw this picture and immediately knew it was her. how stupid. prime of your life? hardly. the tattoo cry for help. have we ever seen this before?
favorite billy joel song: scenes from an italian restaurant.
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A baby's first words should not be: "DEATH DON'T TAKE ME NOW!!!" - MK
like that font gonna make that shitty tatoo klassy
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 9:16am.
I've got a rooster tattooed on my pelvic bone with the words "free cock ride" below it... that's classier than this bitch and I think we'll all agree.
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Please meet me at the back of the thee-yayter for mandatory tattoo inspection. I will bring the flashlight and lube. And yes I will show you mine.
She's a dumbass. Any tattoo someone gets to "show" someone else ("I'll show THEM!"), or impress someone, or to prove something to someone (or to the world in general) is a tattoo that person will regret getting.
I dig angry M.E. posts :)
Also the spacing on the second tat line is fux0red.
PSL - this just proves how fucking DELUSIONAL this bitch is.
I think the tattoo is adequite.
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No message could have been any clearer
If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and make that change
-Michael Jackson
Did this dumb cunt bother to listen to the ENTIRE song?
Fucktard.
At 25 she thinks she is in her prime?? lol...the way she looks these days 16 was obviously her prime. She's over that hill and sliding quickly down the other side....AT 25! Dumb biyatch.
+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+
"If when you die you get a choice between pie heaven and regular heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick but if not mmmboy!"
ANYTHING is better than "We will all laugh at gilded butterflies"....ANYTHING! Jesus Linds, even dumbass Megan Fox is getting her "mistakes" erased as you add more fuckery to the dried up, freckled, leathery canvas they call your body.
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19 Cats and Counting!
THE FULL RELEASE LOOP
What the underlying loop inside all of this really is
1974 someone used satellite time and brain cephalics (same thing), to view me, in 19764
The sound of the BR
I always chuckle when I see morons (famous or not) get tattoos like this. How ridiculous are you going to feel after you pass this phase in your life? You do realize it's just a phase, right?
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"I have a very poor way of concealing my dislike of people and/or things." -- Evil_Cupcake's Mom
She just keeps digging further and further.
Reached China yet Lilo?
Submitted by WTFOMGLOL on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 9:31am.
The lyrics should have been:
CRACKHEAD GIRL ..
YOU BEEN LIVIN' IN YOUR CRACKHEAD WORLD..
BET SHE'S OFTEN HAD A BACKDOOR GUY..
BET HER MAMA ALWAYS TOLD HER LIES..
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I love you.
ETA: PSL... Good call. Big Shot is PERFECT for her! Wow.
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WORDS MEAN NOTHING, fashion speaks volumes. -MK
She should have gotten
"I'm sure you'll have some cosmic rationale
But here you are in the ninth
Two men out and three men on
Nowhere to look but inside
Where we all respond to Pressure"
or
Well, you went uptown riding in your limousine
With your fine Park Avenue clothes
You had the Dom Perignon in your hand
And the spoon up your nose
ooooh
And when you wake up in the morning
With your head on fire
And your eyes too bloody to see
Go on and cry in your coffee
But don't come bitchin' to me
Because you had to be a big shot, did ya
You had to open up your mouth
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No message could have been any clearer
If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and make that change
-Michael Jackson
That's really a crappy looking tattoo. But since it's on LiLo's rib cage, maybe she was coughing or gasping or something which resulted in the uneven spacing.
Clear... Sharp... Code for that broken lightbulb she smoked meth out of when she came up with this idea. FUCKING BRILLIANT YOU GO GUUUURL