It’s Going To Take $30 Million For Vivid To Pull Down The Kim K Sex Tape

August 31, 2011 / Posted by:

For a sex tape that’s not even worth 29 dingles and a crotch berry, Steve Hirsch of Vivid Entertainment says that he’s going to need at least 30 million dollars to take Kim Kardashian and Ray J’s sex tape off the market forever. Vivid owns the rights to the tape that shows Kim moaning like an overstuffed warthog in need of some TUMS while Ray J does her with his boomerang dick from behind, and apparently a “mystery buyer” from Tennessee is willing to pay to stop the sale of it. Why do I have a feeling that this “mystery buyer” is really Khloe doing a Scooby Doo voice?

Steve Hirsch tells TMZ that he’s already spoken to the lawyer from Tennessee and it let it be known that Pimp Mama Kris will probably have to sell one of the Jenner girls to an Arab sheik if she wants to buy the rights to Kim’s boring ass tape.

“Based on its long term value, it looks like $30 million would be a starting point for a discussion on all of the rights.

I have no idea who is behind this offer … but If it’s Kim, I have a tremendous amount of respect for her. She has my number and can call me any time.”

“BEHIND this offer.” Nice blind item hint there, Steve. Steve Hirsch is a STUNT QUEEN of the highest order and so is Pimp Mama Kris. This is obviously just a publicity trick to get dumb hos to buy the Ambien of sex tapes they can download for free after Googling “Kim Kardashian sex tape Torrent.” But don’t even bother, because watching a piece of bacon slowly shrivel in a microwave is more exciting and erotic than that shit.

I mean, Pimp Mama Kris is smart enough to know that she can’t make that boring mess disappear, but she can pull stunts like this to keep her main whore’s name on top of CNN (this really was on CNN). Strike while the whore is hot.

If we could all glamour that pig and donkey fuck show from our lives, we would. Or we would go back in time and make it so that Ray J’s piss stream shot too far, hitting the camera causing it to break. Then that sex tape would’ve never made it to our eyes and Kim’s biggest claim to fame would be being a fourth tier character on Parasite Hilton’s failed reality show. Where are Bill and Ted when you really need them?!

And here’s Kim and Mr. Kim (being a total gentlemen by carrying around her travel size ass dildo for her) leaving their hotel in NYC last night. I take it back. That’s not her travel size ass dildo. That’s just her booster dildo since I’m sure it doesn’t even touch her culito hole.

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