Finally, A Real Royal Wedding

Here’s Slash and his on-and-off again wife Perla Ferrar giving the international sign for holy matrimony after renewing their vows in Ibiza, Spain today. Slash and Perla first got married on October 15, 2001, which I’m pretty sure was also the original release date for that Chinese Democracy album. For this blessed day, Perla chose her original wedding dress as her “something old,” but she turned into her “something new” by giving it a Billy Ray Cyrus cut.

Now, I’ve always said that lubed up thighs and a “not sure if I just burped from my butt or my vag” facial expression is what really makes an elegant bride, but Perla takes things to exciting new levels of grace and sophistication that Kate Middleton and Kim Kardashian wish they could reach by wearing THAT TINY TOP HAT on her head. When you wear a tiny hat, you either look like the flower girl at a My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding or Speedo’s arch rival. Both are those are wins so you can’t go wrong.

Here’s more of Slash, who sorts of looks like Taylor Lautner in a Rick James wig here, and Perla with their children in Spain the other day. Fun Fact: Before Perla married slash, she was a pussy selling madam. So I guess you get your madam name when you pair the kind of underwear you’re currently wearing with the kind of car you currently own. That means my madam name is Skid Marks MTA Card!