How Many Whos Are There In The New Cast Of Dancing With The Has-Beens And Never Wases?
The producers of Dancing with the Stars apparently made a vow to only cast real stars from now on instead of thirsty bottom of the barrel whores looking for a quick check and a spotlight to fuck, and they totally accomplished that with the new cast! And by "totally" I mean "didn't." This mess of a list reads like the cast list for the straight-to-DVD sequel to Shark Night 3D. But I will say that Que Cat only jumped in my head once during the announcement and it was when the name "Hope Solo" came up. I mean, Hope Solo is a female athlete. Like I'm going to know that bitch. I only recognize athletes by their bulge. Anyway, here's the entire list of hos who will scoot their asses across the dance floor for some relevancy and a Dollar Tree trophy:
Nancy Grace - The spirit of a rabid hyena who took over a shaved bull dog's body and now devotes all her time to trying to eat the dead soul of Casey Anthony while making Joel McHale's nipples burn.
Chaz Bono - A magical being that came out of Cher's vagina. The end.
Elisabetta Canalis - Italian coke whore turned George Clooney's strap-on handler of choice turned dumped bitch.
Carson Kressley - The test tube baby of Cojo and Ellen Degeneres.
Rob Kardashian - The mutation of one of Khloe Kardashian's old nutsacks.
Chynna Phillips - My third favorite member of Wilson Phillips and Billy Baldwin's on-and-off again wife.
JR Martinez - Iraqi war veteran turned soap star.
Ricki Lake - The winner of this shit, obviously.
Ron Artest (aka Metta World Peace) - An L.A. Laker and an L.A. crazy
Kristin Calamaris - The blonde trick the producers of DWTS happened to pull out after they threw all of The Hills hos into a paper bag and shook it up.
Hope Solo - Han Solo's long-lost daughter and some girl who plays a sport that involves a ball.
David Arquette - A mess.
There is just so much crazy here (see: Metta World Peace, David Arquette, Nancy Grace...) that Vh1 has their cast for Celebrity Code 5150.
I can't wait until David Arquette and Elisabetta Canalis both get kicked off for missing their cues because they were too busy doing lines off of each other's nipple plates in the bathroom. I also can't wait until Nancy Grace foxtrots to Lindsay Lohan's Rumors while wearing hot pants and a Miller Lite t-shirt. But I really can't wait until the producers seat Case Anthony in Nancy Grace's cheering section which will cause her head to shoot through the studio ceiling, fly all the way to Florida and land on the front yard of Casey's hideaway to live there as a permanent lawn decoration forever. I already give that a ten.
via People
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Season premiere of DWTS = Casey Anthony sitting in front of the tv with a martini saying "duh, WINNING"
ahahaaahahaaha ahahaahaaa ahaha.
CELEBRITY: CODE 5150.
That should be the permanent moniker we all give it the entire season. Use it at each and every WEBSITE, BLOG and on TWITTER!
Send the producers a message: DWTS has NO STARS anymore. Just crazy tabloid garbage and side show freaks.
These people make Andy Dick look A-list!
CELEBRITY: CODE 5150.
I remember when Chynna Phillips thought she was too good for Wilson Phillips and left the group. She was the star. Can't we have one show without a Kockroachian? I have a feeling Chaz is a good dancer. He could have been a cool gay girl but he had to be a fake fat guy. Nancy won't due well due tho the big stick that is stuck in her a*s. I think David will win.
I bet Chaz surprises everyone and is a real twinkle-toes.
Ot not.
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Choose a wife rather by your ear than your eye~Thomas Fuller
"Rob Kardashian - The mutation of one of Khloe Kardashian's old nutsacks"
Hahahaha!!
I wish they'd get the title right, it should be Dancing With The "Stars".
Or, since there is a strain of the disease known as the Kardashian family present, Dancing With The Sars.
Amy
The fk is this line-up?!? No.
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Sinead's rockin' slore-queen checklist:
I don't care if he is from the planet Zog.
Stubble is a non-negotiable must.
Must be very 'snuggly'. Not just wham-bam.
Must be wham-bam.
I hope Detective LaToya will be spelling for Nancy Grace on Headline news, when Ms Grace is dancing. As for "Chaz," surgey and hormones are expensive. Bitch is dancing for dollars.
If these people are the best this show can cough up, then it is certainly on its way down. "Stars"? Most of these people are famous for being around famous people. I love this show but what a pathetic, uninspiring collection of duds.
Submitted by pollyhatesthekettle on Tue, 08/30/2011 - 10:46am.
Jeez Louise, your SIL sounds "interesting". On the plus side though - you'll always have someone in your life to get a laugh out of.... even if it is unintentional !!
You have no idea! She's um...different. She teaches 5 year olds. It's really the perfect speed for her.
I hated Wendy Williams over her attitude of having better things to do than be on the show. Why the fuck did she sign up then?
Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 08/30/2011 - 10:33am.
louise: I don't think they have much sympathy for the transgender
Word, look what happpened to Wendy Williams!
Hahahahhahahahahaa!! Exactly!
These comments are very funny.
Please keep them coming.
And next year, Courtney Stodden-Hutchinson!!!!!!
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
Oh God, why do they have to have multiple installments every year of this show. I bond over television with my aunt. I FORCE myself to watch DWTS just for her. Although I enjoy watching Rizzoli and Isles and The Closer with my aunty.
As a LAKER fan I'm pulling for Metta World Peace(although he'll probably be cringe inducing). I watched some women's World Cup this summer and Hope Solo is kinda hot for a soccer player.
WTF is up with Chyna's 8-head? I think I will preemptively hate K.Calamaris before N.Grace cuz she will last longer.
I hate myself right now for even having an opinion.
Dancing with the Has Beens?
More like , Dancing with The Never Was ... !!
Submitted by agirl on Tue, 08/30/2011 - 10:37am.
What is Chaz Bono's job, exactly? What job(s) has he ever had?
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Poor Chaz... the only real job he had was trying unsuccessfully for years to be Cher's daughter.
so Chaz will be dancing with a woman I take it?
elizabeth canalis---give me a break does anyone really know who the hell she is? she must have paid them.
Is casting Chaz Bono some sort of ploy to get everyone to buy a widescreen?
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"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err."
Mahatma Gandhi
didn't I read somewhere that Chynna Phillips is one bat shit crazy bitch?
MK, I've got tears streaming down my face from reading this post...Nancy Grace's head as a permanent lawn decoration...you are too much!
George Clooney's ex and that kardashian guy should be on dancing with the famewhores.
this fuckery (the cast, the post, the comments) made my day.
my kids are big fans, so we watched the announcements. how wonderful to see joker-faced pimp mama kardashian cackling in the audience. this is an awesome gig for whatchamacallit.
i thought there was a double-dip recession going and they would be able to get better talent for the same dough.
however, i never hate on anyone though legitimately trying to eat even if your only claim to fame is the being some ho's brother, or being a ho yourself.
question: when did love, peace and chicken grease stop playing pro ball?
i can't with Nancy Grace.
My kids' reaction to the cast: "there are too many Kardashians" and "do we have to watch this junk?"
I'll watch this fuckery for the laughs. I'll be cheering for JR Martinez. He's on All My Children. They have done a decent job of writing his story into the show.
Can't believe how dramatically the meaning of the word 'star' changed over the years. If elisabetta is a star for fucking on george then anyone who fucked a celeb is automatically a star too.
Boy, hollywood is full of 'stars'.
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
Here is a video of Chastity and her band-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ucugm3L-X-A
I Chynna Phillips holding up an AA anniversary medal in her picture?
dp
WTF triple post
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 08/30/2011 - 10:40am.
Submitted by agirl on Tue, 08/30/2011 - 10:37am.
What is Chaz Bono's job, exactly? What job(s) has he ever had?
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I *THINK* Chastity HAD a rock band of some sort once upon a time.
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Hmmm, must have been a BIG success and I somehow missed it entirely...
*side-eyes Chaz Bono's "career"*
You know ABC is shameless enough to have Jose Baez or Cindy Anthony in the front row during Nancy's routines.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Are we sure that's not Steven Tyler in thumbnail 3??
Cos it sure looks like him.
Jeez Louise, your SIL sounds "interesting". On the plus side though - you'll always have someone in your life to get a laugh out of.... even if it is unintentional !!
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 08/30/2011
I *THINK* Chastity HAD a rock band of some sort once upon a time
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Wasn't that Elijah Blue, Cher's son? The one who got herpes from Paris Hilton?
Oh no, wait. You're right. I just Googled and Chaz apparently WAS in a band at one time.
Submitted by agirl on Tue, 08/30/2011 - 10:37am.
What is Chaz Bono's job, exactly? What job(s) has he ever had?
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You know how Bristol Palin is a "teen activist"? Chaz is a "transgender advocate".
Submitted by agirl on Tue, 08/30/2011 - 10:37am.
What is Chaz Bono's job, exactly? What job(s) has he ever had?
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I *THINK* Chastity HAD a rock band of some sort once upon a time.
George Clooney's ex is transgender too, right, like Chaz? Or transvestite?
Can we get a dick check on Elisabetta? Thx.
I literally spit out my cereal at this.
somebody owes me a new monitor ! LOL
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David Arquette - A mess.
What is Chaz Bono's job, exactly? What job(s) has he ever had?
Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 08/30/2011 - 10:33am.
louise: I don't think they have much sympathy for the transgender
Word, look what happpened to Wendy Williams!
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AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh snappage!
Submitted by louise_brooks on Tue, 08/30/2011 - 10:29am.
LOL! Louise, we think alike! See my earlier post.
You were much more descriptive and I laughed like a hyena over the "Peter pan collars". So true!
louise: I don't think they have much sympathy for the transgender
Word, look what happpened to Wendy Williams!
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
I can't imagine Chaz will get a lot of sympathy votes. The people who vote on this show are people like my sister in-law who wear obnoxious Christmas sweaters, "fun" holiday socks, kitten sweatshirts with peter pan collars, has a goose on their porch they dress up with the seasons, and thinks wallpaper boarders with frolicking teddy bears is the height of interior design "cuteness".
I don't think they have much sympathy for the transgender.
I see the tranny contingent is making a strong showing this season. I approve.
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*tosses a bag of hot dicks into Jeanneee's trough* BON APPETIT BITCH! - Raul Duke, 1/26/11
Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 08/30/2011 - 10:03am.
what kind of accent is that that Nancy Grace has?
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She's from Macon, Georgia. (Also a former Atlanta-Fulton County prosecutor.)
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*tosses a bag of hot dicks into Jeanneee's trough* BON APPETIT BITCH! - Raul Duke, 1/26/11
So this Elizabetta chick is considered a "star" because she dated George Clooney????
Stars?
None of these ho's are Stars.
They're c/d list psuedo celebrities.
Chaz is only in the lime light for being Chers gender changing daughter.
MAJOR SUCKAGE!
Submitted by skidmarx on Tue, 08/30/2011 - 9:59am.
I think Chaz will get a lot of sympathy votes
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Doubtful, as the demographic is uptight, midwest housewives and grannys who watch the show. Transgenders have them clutching their pearls. Chaz will go quickly unless Cher can hire a phone bank to repeatedly vote for him.
The only thing that will make me watch this season is if I'm in desperate need of a good laugh.
i secretly would love to see the spaz that is carson kressley dancing. but nancy grace?! this is going to be a hot mess.
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 08/30/2011 - 10:03am.
what kind of accent is that that Nancy Grace has?
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It's the bitch accent. I recognize it because I'm fluent.
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"Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me."
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
Reality show whores are NOT stars. Why is Rob K and Kristin C on there? I get so sick of seeing her name mentioned everywhere. Does she actually do anything or have any talent at all?
what kind of accent is that that Nancy Grace has?
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11