Brandi Glanville & Gerard Butler Made Beautiful Jerky Love Together

August 30, 2011 / Posted by:

Life & Style says that at a party in Malibu over the weekend, LeAnn Rimes’ life idol Brandi Glanville stuck her lizard tongue down the dark tunnel of random pussy juices that is Gerard Butler’s man whore throat. Eddie Cibrian better start hiding cash in a bread box in the food pantry (a place LeAnn will never ever go), because it looks like her ass is about to sink her bony claws into another one of Brand’s pieces. Eddie has been warned.

A witness at the party says that when Brandi and Gerard weren’t filling their mouths with the sweet nectar, they were filling their mouths with each other’s saliva. The witness put it like this: “They were at a private beach party — drinks were flowing, and one thing led to another. Next thing you know, they’re dancing together to some music, hands started getting frisky and it was a full-on make-out! Everyone saw it. One girl tried to snap a photo of it on her phone, but Gerard politely asked for privacy.”

This is not surprising. Brandi will hump on anything that will get her a blurb in Life & Style (well played) and Gerard will hump on anything period. Don’t believe me, if you ever need to make chicken fried steak and don’t have a tenderizer handy, just throw the meat toward Gerry. Gerry will pound that meat until it’s pan ready. Yes, there will be bits of genital wart skin stuck inside of it, but just eat it with a condom over your tongue.

But still. Brandi and Gerry making out in public? Gross. It probably looked like a banana slug eating a praying mantis and sounded like a Whoopee Cushion getting hit with a sponge full of bacon grease.

Here is a visual artist’s interpretation of what it feels like to watch Brandi Analglandville and Gerry Slutler make out:

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