If that isn’t a “this is not what I was talking about when I asked your girl ass to grow a vanilla snake already” look from Selena Gomez, then I don’t know what is.
At last night’s first annual The Spawn of Beyonce and Jay-Z Birth Announcement Ceremony, Justin Bieber couldn’t make it so Rachel Maddow graciously came in his place and brought along the newest fashion accessory for kindergarten power lezzies: a snake named Johnson. Really, The Lesbeaver named his snake Johnson and brought it out for everybody to pet. This is why most little ass children shouldn’t go through puberty under the spotlight, because they do stupid shit like this thinking it’s cute. Usher, come and get your daughter! That poor snake is probably trying to figure out how to make a noose out of its tail so it can end this foolery.
Besides, Baby Sandy Duncan isn’t butching up his look by carrying around a snake. He can fart out snakes, snails and puppy dog tails all he wants, but we all know he’s really made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Nice try, Lesbeaver!