As the ghost of Michael Jackson moonwalks into Gary, Indiana’s Office of Vital Records to change the born date on his birth certificate to any day but today, the garden lizard with first degree porn face that is Courtney Stodden is turning 17 (in porn iguana years) today. It’s official: 17 is the new 47!
Courtney cooed out to Radar that she was going to spend her birthday with her 51-year-old plastic gay robot husband at Disneyland, but since they’re both wrapped in extra thin mannequin wax and California is being fucked with a heat wave, they’re going to stay inside and write more Tweets like this:
While I lie beneath this sizzling-sun, the popsicle that I am sweetly sucking on begins to melt & drips irresistibly all over my moist body!
Celebrating the last night of being sweet-n-sexy 16 by wearing NOTHING but my tasty bday-suit! Mmm; Yummy!
When you’re a 17-year-old girl who writes shit that is straight out of Gay Al’s script for an episode of The Red Shoe Diaries, you should hug your pimp mother for doing something right. Happy Birthday, Courtney. May we all look like we’re having a permanent hot flash when we turn 17 for the 30th time!