Chelsea Handler Got Caught Doing The Bad Shit
Yes, Chelsea Handler's nostrils look like they work most nights sucking up what's ever good and she's got the sweats that a bitch usually gets when the last line has been snorted up and her dealer isn't answering his main line, but that doesn't mean shit! But Page Six is still trying to say that Jennifer Aniston's tequila sister was kicked out of a men's room stall for nostril swallowing a little Lohan powder with some dude in gold shoes.
Chelsea's piece Andre Balazs, who owns a bunch of hotels and shit, threw a party on a docked boat in NYC last week and she showed up early in the night. The source says that Chelsea guzzled down holy water (aka vodka on the rocks) when she got there, but as the night called for stronger shit, she disappeared down into the men's bathroom with a dude in gold shoes. A bouncer quickly caught them and made both of them do the walk of shame out of the bathroom.
Chelsea's rep says she was never kicked out of the men's bathroom and this story is a fat line cut with LIES.
Let's say this story is true and Chelsea was doing the Elvira Snort in that stall (she was totally doing the Elvira Snort in that stall), why would she get kicked out? Was is the point of fucking a hotel mogul if you can't do illegal shit at his parties? Chelsea should think about that the next time she does a line off his ass lips. And I guess when you don't have a mirror handy and the toilet seat hasn't been disinfected, a gold shoe is the next best thing to snort a line off of.
• 
I liked her until she started having a "fuck you, audience" moment with Goopy. It was so nauseating-it's one thing to make friends with celebs because that's who you're around, but it's another to say you understand all the sluts out their while giving them "oh, you stupid little people" face. I havent been able to respect her much since that or realizing how much she gloats when around Aniston. Look at the Hollywood walk of fame pictures-this one is so milking that "friendship" it's embarrassing.
------------------------------------------------
"Stretching your face until you're barely recognizable doesn't make you a bad person, it just makes you a bad person to look at sometimes." -MK
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
Chelsea was funny on the 1st season of "Lately" and before the show. Then she wanted to be liked/accepted and really toned down her biting wit on celebs. I might watch the panel portion of her show if nothing else is on. I RARELY watch her interview portions, unless i like the interviewee.
filing this one under: Things that don't surprise me. lol
Submitted by ginger_t on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 4:44pm.
Mrs. Dog the Bounty Hunter
""""""""""""""""""""""
Hahahaha!!
Amy
Bitch's not funny and I take no offense to her being a drunk/cokehead, but I am offended she calls herself a comedian.
I hear her book is funny though? Is it?
Submitted by seejaneclick on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 8:21am.
I tried reading her book to 'understand' her but all I walked away with was hating her more. And her family sounds gross and trashy. Go figure.
If I ever see her in person, I will snatch her by that 'just out of the pool' hair, take her in the bathroom and scrub her down with Comet Bathroom Cleanser. Bitch is filth.
Absolute perfection of a comment!
" Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 7:46am.
Who the FUCK wears gold shoes? That's some "Puttin on the Ritz" shit right there."
Oh please Jack. Don't even TRY to pretend that wasn't you with the coke.
-----
If love had a dick I would eff with it. But it doesn't (it has a no crotch like Barbie).
Mrs. Dog the Bounty Hunter
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 4:25pm.
LOL!!
HAHAHA, i think i found the guy with the gold-shoes!!!
http://www.thesuperficial.com/the-crap-we-missed-friday-8-26-11-08-2011/...
---------------------------------------------------
"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
--------------------------------------------------
http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs
I've never worn gold shoes.
*puts on white Cousin Eddie shoes*
No I.D. on the guy with the gold shoes?
I feel like a future HSOTD has just slipped through our fingers.
*sheds tear*
Amy
I never understood how this useless fuck got her own show then I read that she was fucking one of the big wigs at E! and it all made sense. She's always ragging on people for doing stupid shit yet she has a sex tape of her own and is now apparently a coke head. Perez Hilton called her out a few years back for getting her snatch rejuvenated and she denied it so I totally believe this.
I'm nor mad at Chelsea. She seems like a cool chick who is both irreverent and walks to the beat of her own drum. Exactly my type of person.
Of course no one except her real friends know her-- and we may be surprised how much of her persona is an act.
___________________
As for the white lady aka Elvira... she looks like she can handle her shit that sounds over the top.
i think that is bret micheals.
I've always found her icky and when I learned Jennifer Aniston and Reese Witherspoon are friends of hers, it made me question them too. I much prefer Sarah Silverman over her and at least I've come to understand Sarah's humor. I don't understand Chelsea's at all.
______________________________________________
Visit my husband's webcomic DUNGEON HORDES at http://www.drunkduck.com/dungeon_hordes
______________________________________________
Submitted by seejaneclick on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 8:21am.
I tried reading her book to 'understand' her but all I walked away with was hating her more. And her family sounds gross and trashy. Go figure.
____________________________________________________
I conquer! Her books suck balls! They are just so vapid and badly written. I tutor ten year-olds with more depth and better grammar. It kills me when she talks about writing her books on her show. I know she doesn't have a ghostwriter, but she needs one the most.
I'm sure this will be very disappointing news to the nine people who watch her show.
I'm not a Chelsea fan but she is still 1000x better than damn Sarah Silverman. I despise that useless, unfunny, fug Jimmy Kimmel fucking whore.
I don't believe this story because she wouldn't get kicked out for snorting coke.
Submitted by mharker on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 8:39am.
I remember her first show on E! and it seemed like she was trying to be a blonde Sarah Silverman. The show she has now is better, but I just find her unlikeable. I guess there are only so many little people and vodka jokes I can take.
-------------------------------------------
more like the other way around!!!! Sarah Silverman's epically shitty movie Jesus is Magic and FILLED with jokes from old Chelsea Handler stand up...like some of them were almost word for word the same as the shit Chelsea used to do back in 2003-2004
I've always thought she was a coke-head. And I also thought it was widely accepted that Fraudiston is another great big fan of her special happy powder.Has been for years. It's no secret in LA.
Submitted by ZenShaman on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 10:54am.
I'm still bitter over the fact that she bagged delicious Dave Salmoni.
-------------------------------------------------
don't be bitter..just think of him as having really low standards or a really bad case of the beer goggles.
"So if u don't like 'the difficult brown'.. Don't apply" - Sinead O'Connor
DAMN! At first glance I thought this was her mugshot...until I saw the Macy's logo behind her.
But seeing the way things are going, I would not be surprised if mugshots are sponsored by big corporations in a not so distant future with all the exposure these photos get...it is prime advertising space.
-------------------------------------------------
"So if u don't like 'the difficult brown'.. Don't apply" - Sinead O'Connor
I'm still bitter over the fact that she bagged delicious Dave Salmoni.
Ita Rusty.
******************
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
"Was is the point of fucking a hotel mogul if you can't do illegal shit at his parties?" LOLZ @ this. (i knowz you meant what MK.)
******************
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
This picture looks like it was shot from a camera inside the toilet into which she's about to puke.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Does this mean Jen Aniston and Uma Thurman are also coke fiends by association? I'd heard that rumor about Uma before but she keeps her shit tight.
About Chelsea landing the rich guys...well, maybe she's a master in the sack. And also, I don't think her show is that funny but you get the sense that hanging out with her in a normal setting, she's probably very casually funny. And these rich guys maybe get bored with the vacant actresses and models and sometimes want a girl who's fun to talk to AND does the kinky shit.
I call fake. No way she's going to have to use the bathroom to get high at a private party, and even if she did, she wouldn't get kicked out.
.
.
.
**************************
Save it for your Linkedin profile, bitch!
I am beyond hoffified
Never thought she was funny, never liked her and I always thought she both looked and talked liked a crackhead so I'm not surprised at all by this.
A non-story, IMO. (Although as always, I love MK's way of telling it.) She's a young(ish), rich, whorish, successful gold-digger at a party. What else is she gonna do? Macrame?
Not that I condone this, but as MK says: "What is the point of fucking a hotel mogul if you can't do illegal shit at his parties?"
***
WORDS MEAN NOTHING, fashion speaks volumes. -MK
I think madam s wants to rim Hekki.
My hair is also fried from the summer. I need a good cut and color but am afeared to go shorter beause I like long hair! But long fried hair isn't a good look.
________________________________
Dark-sided!
The Frying Pan is a bar which is on an actual boat. She got booted from a bar not a private party.
**************************************************************
You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
a comedian who was on her show told me awhile back that she loved the coke
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 8:38am.
Submitted by madam s. on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 8:36am.
it seems like she'd be loved on Dlisted. Sort of the epitome
That would require her to be funny, though.
-------------------------------------
Exactamundo.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Figures she was sucking up cocaine, she looks like a damn anteater.
********************************************
I've written a letter to MK...saying...I...love...youuuuuu.
Chelsea could have an air of Hepburn but she has no substance.
"OH YOU FANCY HUH" - KA
Submitted by NOT IMPRESSED on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 8:45am.
I don't get how she lands high-powered men, either. She looks and acts like total trailer trash.
----------------------------------------------
she is into freaky shit and will do dirty sanchez.
i wanna kick chelsea in the punane bone.
She looks simian. *How* could Monsieur BallSacks go from Uma to her?
************
Oh please tell me she is in some sans fard ad here. Please don't tell me she actually leaves the house looking like this on an every day basis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org
www.animalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 8:44am.
See, you learn something every day here. All the time I waste here is not wasted.
We do?? It isn't? *picking nose, examining results*
............
HR: Several clients have complained about receiving emails from a mrshits@pisscompany.com.
Employee: Yeah, that’ll be me, working from home after a few drinks.
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 8:19am.
Maybe Chelsea's trick for getting the rich guys is that she's the opposite of what they're used to.
The women around these rich guys are probably always flattering them and agreeing with them and trying to curry favor. And maybe Chelsea is just "real" with them, and tells them flat-out that the pants they're wearing are ridiculous and no, she doesn't feel like giving them a blowjob and maybe they should rim her instead. Stuff like that.
_______________________________________________
Precisely. I think most women overestimate the power of good looks when it comes to getting a man. My male buddies, who are mostly pretty good looking, often fall for homely girls who have something else going for them - wit, sense of humor, charm, intelligence, sex skills, what have you. And fuck, I'm like them as well in that department. Sure, you can date a dumb, annoying, gorgeous girl... but the thing is, you gotta talk to her once in a while!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Most people are average, neither black nor white. They're gray. A dirty shade of gray." - Dmitri Shostakovich
I don't get how she lands high-powered men, either. She looks and acts like total trailer trash.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Douchechill!
Who the hell is she? Seriously. She looks like a fucken war zone. Some kind of Afghanistan Annie.
<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>
"okayyy lets not make a goddess out of Maria Shiver now. It's from her bitch face that she is a cunt." - cuntwhore (2011-08-08)
Submitted by RustyHooligan: "Submitted by harperharper on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 8:29am.
A bouncer on a yacht? I don't think so. More likely a crew member. Yachts are impounded if ANY illegal substances are found on board.
True re dope. Zero tolerance on commercial vessels for hire. And captain loses his merchant marine license."
I did not know that. Interesting. See, you learn something every day here. All the time I waste here is not wasted. Or something like that.
Sorry for the triple post, horz.
That means it's time to make like a banana and split.
Submitted by RustyHooligan: "Submitted by harperharper on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 8:29am.
A bouncer on a yacht? I don't think so. More likely a crew member. Yachts are impounded if ANY illegal substances are found on board.
True re dope. Zero tolerance on commercial vessels for hire. And captain loses his merchant marine license."
I did not know that. Interesting. See, you learn something every day here. All the time I waste here is not wasted. Or something like that.
Submitted by Naughychimp on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 8:33am.
So, Andre Balaza got his start marrying modelling agent mogul Eileen Ford's daughter, Katie. (Think of all the fresh young things he had access to through That connection!) Then he went on to screw everyone from Uma to Renee Z to Naomi "watch out for that phone" Campbell to Chelsea... what, is he the second coming of Tim Jeffries?
=============
I don't know, but years ago I was on some panel, and he had to present his plans for his SoHo hotel. Bitch was fine, okay? He was well-spoken, subtly well-dressed (crispest, whitest, well-fitted Oxford and jeans), and groomed, and really, not too bad on the eyes. Not gorgeous or that goodlooking, but not gross; it's the package (looks, taste, etc.), and his dough didn't hurt.
Maybe he is just into personality (and independently wealthy women), but in the looks department, the arc went from low to high back down again:
Katie Ford: http://www.allspacepics.com/images/Cats/katie-ford.jpg
Uma: http://www.clbrts.com/img/uma-thurman-6.jpg
Naomi: http://images.askmen.com/galleries/model/naomi-campbell/pictures/naomi-c...
Chelsea: http://www.blogcdn.com/www.aoltv.com/media/2010/08/chelsea-handler-wirei...
madam s., you know I love you too! There was some post yesterday I started to reply to and one of my kids pulled me away and now I can't remember what it was.
It IS interesting that there is so little love for Chelsea here. I don't know why, either.