MTV is handing out silver-plated Buzz Aldrin trophies tonight to hos whose videos they’ve played like twice because they’re too busy playing reruns of Jersey Whores and focusing on teen vaginas full of baby head. I can’t drunk blog that mess this year, because I’m in California playing nurse to my mom and MTV’s stupid ass isn’t showing it live on the West Coast. Every live feed I’ve come across is about as reliable as a coke head’s dick. It’s up, it’s down, it’s a mess. So you’re on your own! Unless…..one of you East Coast sluts want to Skype me and perform the show for me as it’s happening with help from your cats, your sock doll collection, an empty bottle of Strawberry Hill and a dildo with a Barbie’s scalped mane on top of it. That shit will probably be more entertaining.
And here’s the Jersey Shore whores looking like the discharge that dripped out of Hurricane Irene’s pink eye. Correction: JWoah, Snooki and that other one look like Hurricane Irene’s pink eye discharge. Deena doesn’t. If Charo threw a Rainbow Brite doll, Danny DeVito’s head shot, swap meet contacts, a patch of mangy wookie fur and her old prom dress into a blender, blended until it liquefied, poured it into an enema bag and then shoved it up her culito, Deena looking like that would come dancing out.