Darlene Conner Is Single!

August 25, 2011 / Posted by:

The myth that lesbians are like swans in that they never break up (and are picky about the kind of fish they peck at) has been debunked again! Sara Gilbert, Darlene from Roseanne turned head cackling hen tamer on The Talk, and her partner of 10 years Allison Adler have closed their legs to each other and ended their love. We better form a prayer circle around Rojo Caliente and Cynthia Nixon in case gayelle break-ups happen in twos.

Sara’s rep tells People that she and Allison will share custody of their 6-year-old son Levi and their 5-year-old daughter Sawyer. The rep went on to say that the break up was completely clean and you don’t have to keep checking Blogspot to see if Allison started a blog where she’ll pour out some lesbian realness and say that Sara’s box of new rubber dicks fucked a crack into her heart.

Typing this next part might make the system error “FILE NOT FOUND” pop up on my monitor every time I try to play an Indigo Girls song on iTunes, but maybe this shit is for the best. WELL, I’m fucking selfish! If Sara and Allison stayed together, they probably would’ve gotten married, eventually. Then if they would’ve gotten married, Sara might have dropped the Gilbert from her name to become Sara Adler. If that happened, then I wouldn’t read the name Sara Gilbert as often as I do. That shit would be the worst. Because every time I see “Sara Gilbert,” I read her last name in Leonardo DiCaprio’s What’s Eating Gilbert Grape” voice. I just picture Leonardo stuck in a tree while screaming “Giiiiiiiilbuuuuuuuurt” at Johnny Depp. I don’t want that to ever change.

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