Marilyn Monroe plucked her hairline back two inches and meth plucked Lindsay Lohan’s hairline back two inches. One of Marilyn Monroe’s most famous moments was when she aired her down low bits over a subway grate and Lindsay Lohan’s down low bits probably smell like a subway platform in August. Marilyn Monroe fucked the President of the United States and Lindsay Lohan fucked a dealer who said that he once voted for president of something. Marilyn Monroe died way before her time and Lindsay Lohan’s career died way before its time. So naturally, Lindsay Lohan thinks that Marilyn Monroe is her spirit twin and wrote this foreword for Susan Bernard’s book Marilyn: Intimate Exposures (via ONTD):
“Marilyn was the beautiful bad girl in that tight, rose-colored dress. The character she played was strong and taking control, which I unconsciously knew at that young age was a necessary quality for a woman. I can understand the photographer Bernard of Hollywood’s statement, ‘it took a superhuman effort to be Marilyn.’ I identify
People in their mind have created who I am and act as if there is no real person inside of me. Just like Marilyn. Marilyn never wanted to be just a celebrity. Neither do I … I had always thought that movie stars were in films that would last forever in your mind. But now the films don’t. I don’t want to be remembered as someone who just wanted to be photographed, who goes out at night, and gets in trouble.
Heath Ledger once said to me, ‘It’s built you up to knock you down and that’s all it is. Marilyn said she had no foundation. But she said she was really working on it. I’ve been trying to do the same thing … I believe in myself and I’m a good actress.”
I’m no Mike Holmes but can you really build a strong foundation with Red Bull barf, shit balls of delusion and sea jasper dust?
This delusion-headed bitch’s comment about not wanting to be a celebrity and that story about White Oprah thinking she can get Tina Fey in her movie is reason enough for the Surgeon General to pass a law forcing all drug dealers to slap a warning label on all their Ziploc bags of the illegal bad shit. That label should read, “SURGEON GENERAL’S WARNING: Snorting, smoking, injecting or licking this shit may cause you to form delusions of grandeur in your head. Don’t believe my ass? Look at a Lohan.”