Kevin Jonas Does Not Want To Turn Into A Creepy Dog Person

August 24, 2011 / Posted by:

Both Brenda Song and Hilary Duff’s wombs are full of sacrifices to Mickey Mouse, so Kevin Jonas said on Access Hollywood Live (via WFP) the other day that he’s starting to feel the pressure from hos to produce an heir to the Disney throne with his wife of over a year (YES, they are still married, believe it or not) Danielle Deleasa.

Even though Kevin and Danielle sleep in completely different rooms, he says they’re going to start making babies….as soon as they realize how babies are made. I’m not going to spoil it for Kevin. That’s a touchy conversation for Mickey Mouse to have with Kevin when he busts into a panic attack meltdown after a boy on the playground tells him that the Birds and the Bees is not about a cartoon bird and a cartoon bee. (Side note: I was really disappointed when I found out that the Birds and the Bees was not a story about a damn fucking bird and a damn fucking bee).

Kevin put it like this:

“It’s that point now where people are just like, ‘Ok, so you’ve been married, when are you gonna have a kid?’

We’ve started to realize we might become those weird dog people. We have our two dogs, so we don’t want to be those weird dog people, so maybe we’re headed there sooner than we thought.

It’s going to be part of our journey very soon, but not right now, exactly.”

Weird dog people?! What does Kevin’s ass mean by that?

Is a weird dog person the kind of bitch who while he was eating a pear on the couch last night, chewed a little piece off for his chihuahua who kept staring at him with the eyes of a starving Ethiopian child? Is a weird dog person the kind of bitch who when it rains, holds an umbrella over his shitting dog and doesn’t care that a drop of pomade water stung his eyeball? Is a weird dog person the kind of bitch who performs a remake of Cliffhanger every night by hugging the edge of the bed, because he wants to give his dog as much sprawling room as possible? Is a weird dog person the kind of bitch who when he goes out of town, calls the boarder and asks them to put his dog on the phone so he can let his pooch know that he hasn’t forgotten about him? Is a weird dog person the kind of bitch who wouldn’t even be mad if his dog ate his face off after he dropped dead in his apartment, because he knows a ho has to eat?

Okay, just making sure, so I know exactly what to tell people after they give me a WTF? look when I say that I can’t go out because I have to make my dog a birthday cake out of whole wheat flour and shredded carrots (true story).

But seriously, Kevin needs to stop. Both he and Danielle instantly became creepy dog people as soon as they started dating each other.

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