Jim Carrey Really Wants To Do Emma Stone
If you've ever wanted to gaze deep into Jim Carrey's 49-year-old pores while he spills the crazy out in an open ode to his love for 22-year-old Emma Stone, this is the shit for you. Jim lets all of us know what thinks of when he jerks off by saying that if he was 20 years younger he'd make a bunch of fat freckled babies with Emma Stone. Then Jim says that he wishes Emma joy, and happiness, and above all this he wishes her laaaaaaaaauuuuuuuv. This video has since been recorded onto a VHS tape, stuffed into a manila envelope and passed to Kevin Costner who has been hired to protect Emma since Jim is obviously thisclose to moving into one of her front bushes. No. Jim is just telling jokes (I think). Here's the transcript which is best read with the karaoke version of THIS.
I just wanted to let you know that I think you're all the way beautiful. Not just pretty, but, you know, smart and kindhearted. And if I were a lot younger, I would marry you, and we would have chubby little freckled faced kids. We'd laugh all day long and go camping and play Yahtzee and tell ghost stories by the fire. And the sex?Everyday for the rest of your life, you would thank God that I was the appropriate age for you. But I'm not. I'm 49. I have lines on my face, sometimes a little grey in my beard, and it takes me a little longer to pee than it used to. Those are the only discernible signs of aging that I can find so far. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how I felt. You're pretty special, and I wish you continued success and artistic fulfillment, but most of all, I wish you love and contentment. That's all.
We'll also say that Jim is telling jokes when he starts Tweeting about what Emma's toilet paper smells like while he's hiding out inside of her front yard trash can. Emma, the WTF is in your court.
But seriously, what the hell kind of poppers did those penguins give Jim?!
Source: Jim Carrey via HuffPo
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Sweet Buddha, can you imagine Jim Carrey and Carrie Fisher together, living in the same house? Talk about light switches going on and off! Imagine their conversations? LOL! Okay, I'm being mean.
Submitted by harperharper on Wed, 08/24/2011 - 9:06pm.
That is so fucking creepy. He was totally rubbing one out. What a sick fuck.
Was he? I hadn't noticed. Now I am really creeped out.
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It does look like that with the camera shaking forwards and back. How weird.
This may be.. what am I saying? THIS IS creepy, but bipolar is a bitch of a disease so on that point, he has my sympathy.
" Right now, I'm eating scrambled eggs, with a comb, from a shoe."- Manny, Black books
That was really scary. He probably? meant it as a joke, but this made me a little nauseous. You can tell he has mental health issues. Like a lot of comedians, unfortunately. Behind every funny person is a lot of pain. Sad for him. And he really needs some chapstick.
ITA CeeCee, I wonder if she rejected him and this was what he did to retaliate. I had a comedian (bi-polar) guy who left me numerous messages making fun of my new boyfriend at the time, after I wouldn't date him, in the same twisted "funny" way. It wasn't funny.
That is so fucking creepy. He was totally rubbing one out. What a sick fuck.
Was he? I hadn't noticed. Now I am really creeped out.
I guess I see this as some attempt at brilliant super-ironic self-deprecation which we're supposed to get as the edgiest joke ever or something. Maybe he thinks he's Colbert being Hef or something. (Btw Jim - I knew Colbert. I worked with Colbert. Colbert was a friend of mine. And you, Jim, are no Colbert.)*
Anyway, embarrassing to say the least. I didn't have the best day today, but at least I'm not this.
*(kidz under 35 may not get this reference; see Bentsen, Sen. Lloyd)
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"End well: this isn't going to." - MK
Edith, I agree with you re: Rick Mercer.
Insufferable.
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"okayyy lets not make a goddess out of Maria Shiver now. It's from her bitch face that she is a cunt." - cuntwhore (2011-08-08)
Jim, baby, come on back up to Canada and I'll get you to my doc asap for some meds that work...bipolar disorder aint no laughjing matter, even for this Canuck "funny man".
I agree with whoever said the comedians are the saddest, introverted people (mental disorder or not). They're also the biggest assholes...Canadian Rick Mercer comes to mind.
Man, I really can't hate on him. When I was living in Hawaii (big island) with my family. Dad and I went riding our bikes along waikoloa and he stopped to ask directions he was nice and had a short convo with us we didnt get an autograph or photo neither dad or I brought a pen or a camera. I do feel bad for him, I cannot even begin to imagine what is like to live with bipolar disorder
Jim, baby, come on back up to Canada and I'll get you to my doc asap for some meds that work...bipolar disorder aint no laughjing matter, even for this Canuck "funny man".
I agree with whoever said the comedians are the saddest, introverted people (mental disorder or not). They're also the biggest assholes...Canadian Rick Mercer comes to mind.
double post
WTF? Sounds like she rejected his old ass and this is his passive-aggro way of talking shit back to her.
This is stalk talk, but when someone as talentless, delusional and (recklessly) stupid as Autism Expert Jenny McCarthy quits you, you must really be troubled. Denise Richards 2.O.
Fuck her.
I've been a fan of Jin Carrey's from way back to In Living Colour. He's bipolar and his behaviour is unhealthy. . . and sad.
So do I. And I'd gladly let Jim join the party.
What?
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*tosses a bag of hot dicks into Jeanneee's trough* BON APPETIT BITCH! - Raul Duke, 1/26/11
The first 40-45 seconds of that, why hasn't anyone ever said that to meeeeeeee?????
蜘龍====================龍蜘
(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
What.the.hell? Didn't some big shot studio head proclaim his intention of working with Emma Watson a little while back? It sounded then like he was pretty much being a perv about her.
Don't worry about Jim. Just another sad case of Manopause, baby. It's manopause.
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Wed, 08/24/2011 - 8:03pm.
Holy cow, I thought there were only 2!
Gracias for the info :)
Looks like a four-day meth binge to me.
Sounds like Jim's off his meds again.
"...it takes me a little longer to pee than it used to."
Yup, grandpa, that there's TMI.
ETA: I can go for a lot of older menz, but not this one. And I think the transcript is wrong; I think he says it takes him "a LOT longer to pee than it used to". If this is anything other than a joke (and for why, if it is a joke?) this guy needs help.
I had a hard time reading that - prime cringe material. It's as if he has tourettes syndrome and his dopamine levels are through the roof (sorry, I just watched a documentary about this). Filters, please!
Submitted by You_Complete_Me. on Wed, 08/24/2011 - 8:03pm.
Yeah, I had to google Emma Stone, too.
She looks like an extreme close-up of a praying mantis' head.
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lol
RuPaul (as a man) makes me think of the very same thing.
Creepy!
I think Emma is super cute though! She was awesome in easy A.
The good news? It's a very obvious (though failed) attempt at humor. Breathe, people. The bad news? Dude looks like he hasn't slept in MONTHS. I'm guessing there will be a steady increase in oddball stuff like this.
This confuses me and creeps me out. WTF? It takes him longer to pee?! WHY would anyone mention that to anyone that is not their doctor or already in a very close relationship too?! Okay, I am now convinced that all of Hollywood are becoming fucking whackjobs one by one.
Submitted by Jintess on Wed, 08/24/2011 - 7:51pm.
haha, Emma Stone is neither of those Emmas. Emma Stone was in the movie Easy A and is the The Help. I think she is hot but I like sassy red heads. Emma Watson is Potter, Emma Roberts is Julia's niece.
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
Emma stone has a weird moth..it looks gross for some reason esp.when she smiles. And this man is seriously sick, probably off his meds. Expect him to check in for treatment soon.. I read he is bi polar and he could be off his meds. So, yeah, not funny. This is illness.
I don't think he'll be getting any jobs for a while. I doubt this was something he told anyone about before he did it. His agent must be trying to figure oit how to backtrack. I do not think watching someone lose their mind is fun to watch. Whoever said a lot of funny people like this are insecure and need constant reassurance is spot on. He doesn't strike me as someone who feels he can trust anyone and one of the reasons he wrote a huge gift check (millions) to mccarthy early on was for her to have money to take care of her son. He doesn't seem like a bad guy. Just really sick.
Fuck, Emma Stone is so lucky. If I were her I'd phone him up and tell him he isn't too old for me and that I'd gladly get horizontal with him if he'd wanted it so badly.
As a matter in fact, I wouldn't even contact him, I'd show up to his house in a fur coat naked and pounce that jokester till I banged all the funny outta him.
I am serious. He was the first man I saw naked on film and I find him insanely sexy at points.
Jenny Mcarthy was lucky she ever had him, that's the only thing I envy about that demon-lookin 90's relic. If I had him between my legs, I'd wrap around that funny man till we both collapsed into puddles of sleaze.
Yeah, I had to google Emma Stone, too.
She looks like an extreme close-up of a praying mantis' head.
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"okayyy lets not make a goddess out of Maria Shiver now. It's from her bitch face that she is a cunt." - cuntwhore (2011-08-08)
One weird old f*ck marries a 16 year old (going on 45) and suddenly all the older men think they can be with younger girls. It's gross. And the other way around (old chick, young man) is also weird. Age is just a number, love just happens, blah blah blah then don't approach people with a huge difference in age.
I just looked up Emma Stone pics, she is FUG! She looks like a Lohan, for real.
I really think he is just joking--at least I hope so. Creepy either way.
He clearly isn't serious. I don't know anything about Emma Stone. But as if someone like him would post something like that for real lol. C'mon.
Are they gonna be in a film together or something like that? Oh who cares. Fucking Hollyweird weirdo's.
I can't imagine him with Jenny McCarthy. They always seemed so mismatched.
He strikes me as the kind of guy that needs constant reassurance. I never thought she was like that. Her comments about autism aside, I always loved her for going on Rosie's show and drawing on a poster of herself. She showed everyone all the plastic surgery she had with a black sharpie.
I can't keep the Emma's straight. One is Julia Roberts niece and one was a Potter, yes?
This fucking creep needs mental help.
Cue count-down for stint in rehab due to exhaustion or whatnot in 5...4...3...
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Shiitake happens...
That is so fucking creepy. He was totally rubbing one out. What a sick fuck.
Ha? Is he serious? Or is it some kind of a joke? At the very end he whispers: "I love you. I do" and his face trembles like he's going to cry. O_o
Can you imagine the sex he & McCarthy had?
I'm envisioning the porcine squeals, veneer-gnashing, silly-putty ecstasy faces & uncoordinated everythingness.
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"okayyy lets not make a goddess out of Maria Shiver now. It's from her bitch face that she is a cunt." - cuntwhore (2011-08-08)
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"Just because Kim's face was knighted with a big black sword golden shower arch doesn't mean she's royalty!" - MK. I <3 U !
@MIKE
i fucking love linda ronstadt. different drum and silver treads were the best ever.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flLoj5qxURw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s3Nq48sHF8M
That's some stalker shit right there...ALL of these Hollywood fucktards are on coke
I still like him. Sue me, bitchezzzz.
Then again, I'm odd as fuck, too, so...
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"okayyy lets not make a goddess out of Maria Shiver now. It's from her bitch face that she is a cunt." - cuntwhore (2011-08-08)
What an asshole. You ain't no Marine!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Don't hit back, just keep thrusting. Make that transfer, bitch!- MK 7/26/11
i have it on good authority and first-hand contacts that this fool is CRAZY and a total ASSHOLE. When it comes to negotiations he will make everyone's life a living hell. I am just glad his star waned and he no longer commands the power he used to (mostly because he burned many bridges) and his comedic act got old. He should do more dramatic stuff like he did with Ewan McGreggor...he was surprisingly good on that...mainly because he was actually acting and not just making stupid faces.
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"When you open up your vagina to a billionaire and a baby comes out, it is your responsibility to get as much money out of that motherfucker as possible!" - MK
somebody smack some sense into him please. How embarrassing.
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"Bye, Whore" -MK
Fucking creepy. Old dudes shouldn't be going after women young enough to be their daughters. Embarrassing all around. Young chicks want young hot dudes and not oldies with bags under their eyes and bitch tits.
K, Jim, I want to see in Eternal Sunshine dramatic mode. He has it in him. Let's do this, Jim! And, no Emma Stone is not it! "...Sing out, Louise...!..." (Gypsy Rose Lee memorial).
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"You dumb bitch, I am home." -MK to Brooke's crybaby 'daddy-puts-the-lotion' ass
Jim was dating Linda Ronstadt (yes, Linda Ronstadt) about ten years before Emma was even born.
True facts!!
jim stricks me as a really depressed person and troubled. i've ben saying this for years. i've known several people who are really, really funny and showboats in front of a group and they are totally different one on one. they are solum and quiet and depressed and shy acting. it is a weird phenomenon. i've found it in almost every "class clown" when you get to know them one on one.