Jim Carrey Really Wants To Do Emma Stone
If you've ever wanted to gaze deep into Jim Carrey's 49-year-old pores while he spills the crazy out in an open ode to his love for 22-year-old Emma Stone, this is the shit for you. Jim lets all of us know what thinks of when he jerks off by saying that if he was 20 years younger he'd make a bunch of fat freckled babies with Emma Stone. Then Jim says that he wishes Emma joy, and happiness, and above all this he wishes her laaaaaaaaauuuuuuuv. This video has since been recorded onto a VHS tape, stuffed into a manila envelope and passed to Kevin Costner who has been hired to protect Emma since Jim is obviously thisclose to moving into one of her front bushes. No. Jim is just telling jokes (I think). Here's the transcript which is best read with the karaoke version of THIS.
I just wanted to let you know that I think you're all the way beautiful. Not just pretty, but, you know, smart and kindhearted. And if I were a lot younger, I would marry you, and we would have chubby little freckled faced kids. We'd laugh all day long and go camping and play Yahtzee and tell ghost stories by the fire. And the sex?Everyday for the rest of your life, you would thank God that I was the appropriate age for you. But I'm not. I'm 49. I have lines on my face, sometimes a little grey in my beard, and it takes me a little longer to pee than it used to. Those are the only discernible signs of aging that I can find so far. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how I felt. You're pretty special, and I wish you continued success and artistic fulfillment, but most of all, I wish you love and contentment. That's all.
We'll also say that Jim is telling jokes when he starts Tweeting about what Emma's toilet paper smells like while he's hiding out inside of her front yard trash can. Emma, the WTF is in your court.
But seriously, what the hell kind of poppers did those penguins give Jim?!
Source: Jim Carrey via HuffPo
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Wow. So who do you think is more creeped out by this, Jim's daughter who is about Emma's age, or Emma's parents who are probably about Jim's age? Awkward!
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
IMHO I find Emma Stone very average looking.
who the fuck is emma stone? how pathetic.
@literarylioness
I was talking about the interview when he was still going out with Jenny. She thought they were buddies since she hung out with him and Jenny so she was joking around with him and he kept verbally attacking her to the point it looked like she was about to cry. I usually find her annoying and but I felt bad for her in that interview.
I USED to love Jim Carrey. Even found him kind of cute back in his hay day. Am so grossed out. Emma Stone is like a coltish cherub barely our of high school and he is a grandfather!
Both The Help (very good) and Crazy Stupid Love (great) are worth seeing. She didn't need this "publicity."
The part about having trouble peeing was particularly romantic. I don't know how she's restraining herself from flying into his ropey old man arms.
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eww. But I think he's not being a creep but helping her with the promotion of her new movie the help
It was clearly a joke. I did laugh. I felt a little uncomfortable in the beginning but it still made me laugh. I wouldn't be perturbed by it if I knew that there was some kind of link/particular reason Emma Stone was used, or if it related to something, etc., aside from just being on a crazy whim.
I can't hate Jim Carrey. As a kid I watched In Living Color, and even though Yes Man and some of his other stuff has been kind of dumb, I don't mind him.
KA, I didn't not see Stupid Crazy Love not because I didn't think it wasn't good enough. It seemed real good when I first read about it. Since about May, I haven't seen ANY movies! I just saw Bridesmaids last weekend at a discount theatre! But I finally went to Costco and bought 2 tickets and will use the tickets for one of those films starring Emma.
Btw, I am not suggesting that you said I didn't think C.S. Love couldn't be good, I just had to say that I hadn't seen ANYTHING at all! It's lame as he'll! : P
If Jim really was horse-hung he could get any stinkfish he wanted. This clip leads us to believe Jim may actually suffer from tinymeat!
Jim has had a good deal of plastic surgery in the past 20 years, looks like a totally different person.
Jim is also rumored (rumors started by Jim himself?) to be horse-hung.......is there any verificatia of this horse-meat?
I can't watch this shit. He's turned into a pathetic old pervert. What a damn fool.
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I like living this way. I like loving this way.
Jim Carrey always gave me the vibe that he could actually suck his own cock standing up. Now after watching his Emma Stone video, I am sure of it.
Submitted by mbar on Wed, 08/24/2011 - 11:44pm.
Chelsea Handler is gonna have a field day with this since he was a dick to her when he was on her show.
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Yeah, because she was a b*tch to him after he broke-up with her best friend Jenny "Ignorant as F*ck" McCarthy. Handler was asking for it.
This whole thing reminds my of how my hubby use to court me by telling his students how amazing I was/am in his classes. I wanted to die of mortification.
Creepy all the way. And scary too.
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
I'm so disgusted by Jim Carrey. Yeah it's a joke, but it has to come from somewhere at the corner of his dirty mind. Why not someone else? Why couldn't he pick a Kardashian. I feel sorry for Emma now.
Submitted by You_Complete_Me. on Wed, 08/24/2011 - 7:36pm.
I still like him. Sue me, bitchezzzz.
Then again, I'm odd as fuck, too, so...
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Haha funny! This creeped me the mutherfuck out though. What's with the mouthing I love u at the end and that weird chin flutter?I think he really thinks he can hook her. He's rich as shit and probably more powerful than her. He wants her. Bad. Scary.
Kissing Ass and Cupping Balls. You're Welcome.
Jim Carrey on In Living Color was classic.
Submitted by nightowl on Wed, 08/24/2011 - 11:24pm.
maybe I'll go see Crazy Stupid Love
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GO SEE IT
very funny, sweet movie
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A baby's first words should not be: "DEATH DON'T TAKE ME NOW!!!" - MK
Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Wed, 08/24/2011 - 7:26pm.
Maybe this is some kind up stunt for a movie they're going to start filming together? If not, Tom Cruise just jumped all over his couch cuz he's no longer the biggest old fool out there.
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Hahaha. Truth!
But I don't blame him. She's definitely in my top 10 at the moment (though I wouldn't laminate the card).
Submitted by mbar on Wed, 08/24/2011 - 11:44pm.
Chelsea Handler is gonna have a field day with this since he was a dick to her when he was on her show.
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Another reason to like Jim Carrey. (I liked "Mr. Popper's Penguins.")
Submitted by lifeislikecake on Wed, 08/24/2011 - 11:41pm.
I really am not all that impressed by his house in the background. It looks like my mom's house.
It looks *exactly* like a one-time 1930s cottage in the Sherman Oaks/Studio City hills. Remember that shack that Chuck Sheen was renting--where your avie was taken?
Since I've Been Loving You
Chelsea Handler is gonna have a field day with this since he was a dick to her when he was on her show.
I really am not all that impressed by his house in the background. It looks like my mom's house.
Just saw the video. I think hes trying to be funny, but it's a total failure. He's never been funny to me. He can just twist his face in all kinds of crazy ways and change his voice.
Emma Woodhouse is way older than 22. Oh, sorry, that's Emma Thompson.
Since I've Been Loving You
Ahhhhh nothing like courting 21st Century style... stalking always melts my heart. Come on Emma, just one dinner girl!
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Kevin Costner is the ultimate bodyguard so it's fitting he chaperone.
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Wed, 08/24/2011 - 11:04pm.
It's a cult ref to The Bodyguard (I think).
Since I've Been Loving You
Submitted by vidz on Wed, 08/24/2011 - 11:08pm.
(Off-topic)
Here's hoping that your hair situation is temporary (?). I've had a few stress related scares myself in the past, but those could luckily be tackled with high doses of B vitamins. Wishing you luscious locks!
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"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err."
Mahatma Gandhi
I LOVE Emma Stone! She is pretty unique compared to the other Hollywood girls. I'm going to see The Help this week (not just to see her but because I like to support movies that prominently feature minorities) and maybe I'll go see Crazy Stupid Love if its playing at a theatre near me that now charges 5 bucks on Tuesday's!!!!!
This is obviously some kind of joke. Not that he wouldn't fuck her in a heartbeat if had the chance.
I like Emma Stone. I think she's gorgeous but looks MUCH MUCH older than 22. Older than Lindsay even. I'm 25 and losing my hair and I still look younger than her.
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"Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained by incompetence."
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
Doesn't he have a daughter around the same age as this girl? [toddles off to check...]
Yes. Yes he DOES have a daughter, Jane, who was born in 1987, which makes her 24, which officially jacks the CREEPY factor of this whole thing right off the freakin' scale.
Eww. [skin crawls off on it's own to seek bleach]
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"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
--"The Little Prince", Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
So sad to see a middle-aged man making an ass of himself over a 22 year-old. Yes, the 'stronger' sex can be pathetic that way. Is it just me, or is Stone a sort of red headed Mila Kunis? And what's Kevin Costner got to do with all this? (I once had a huge crush on him. Remember, Jesus said "thou shalt not judge"!)
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"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err."
Mahatma Gandhi
He's clearly just trying to be funny and edgy, but it's...really not. Looks a little pathetic, and he really shouldn't market himself that way. He's not handsome but he has sex appeal. We don't need self-deprecating humor like this.
I'm still a fan of Jim Carrey from his old stand up, In Living Color, and Eternal Sunshine. His impersonation of a singing evangelist used to crack my shit up. I also think it's cool he helped out Jenny and her son when they were together. To me, Jenny McCarthy gets a bad rap. I don't think she's crazy or stupid, maybe a little misguided, but she had a tough time with her kid and every mom goes a little nuts when their kid is in trouble.
I saw Crazy, Stupid, Love last weekend and Emma was great in it. I love everything she has done. She seems to have her shit together too, so good for her!
I love all you Dlisters and especially my beloved MK. And yes Carrey is a wackjob but it's not like we are all nubile queens here either, myself included but to rag on a man because he is looking old? He's fucking 42 for godsakes!
Old age happens to everyone unless your time for a dirt nap comes earlier than expected so please be realistic people. Not everyone needs photoshop and I commend him for not going the Kenny Rogers/Burt Reynolds route.
As far as this video? it's called humor! I know we all have it so let's lighten on being a bunch of pseudo psychiatrist and laugh a little. He's just being a funny dork in my view and I did nothing but laugh my ass off at this fuckery.
Being bipolar is nothing to be ashamed off. Your brain is and organ and like any other organ it has the chance of not being healthy and the symptoms tend to be behavioral so should we condemn metal illness? Not everyone is lucky to perfect and "normal". Would you continuously shame someone for having cancer or diabetes or heart disease?
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"The world needs a clothing line for Barstow pussy peddlers turned Reno strippers turned Texas trophy wives turned Boca retirees."-MK
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I liked the first half but then again I view Hannibal as a romance.
...and to protect the gheys, I won't say there's anything ghey @ him.
That video was adorable. I loved the quivering chin at the end. HAHAHAHA!
Awwwwwww, Jimbo. Don't give up on love, you funny fucker. There will always be another "Freda Felcher"...
Oh Lord. His face has been beaten bad. Close up is not a friend of his.
YIKES
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
Submitted by Mrs. Voorhees on Wed, 08/24/2011 - 9:39pm.
This is stalk talk, but when someone as talentless, delusional and (recklessly) stupid as Autism Expert Jenny McCarthy quits you, you must really be troubled. Denise Richards 2.O.
Fuck her.
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oh god i had a good laugh over this.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Wed, 08/24/2011 - 9:54pm.
As annoying and misguided as Jenny McCarthy is, I'd never ever leave her. In fact, I'd play her Singled Out vids on a perpetual loop in the house. (She doesn't have kids, does she?)
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oh yeah she has a kid - not sure if there is more than one, but the one im talking about she claims to have cured of his autism. when he was 3. then she wrote a book about it to spread her bullshit "cure". i could go on and on about her and my hatred for her, but ill spare everyone. google that shit - it's awful.
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A baby's first words should not be: "DEATH DON'T TAKE ME NOW!!!" - MK
As annoying and misguided as Jenny McCarthy is, I'd never ever leave her. In fact, I'd play her Singled Out vids on a perpetual loop in the house. (She doesn't have kids, does she?)
Stop tripping foolios , it is called doing the ho stroll, probably a PR stunt for a some up coming comedy. Jim C. plays the creepy boss or something
Stop tripping foolios , it is called doing the ho stroll, probably a PR stunt for a some up coming comedy. Jim C. plays the creepy boss or something
We Canadians, especially those from Scarborough Ontario where Jim from, have now officially disowned Jim Carrey. We're, like, 30 years too late, but now that it's done, there is no "gift receipt" America. We don't want him back.
How do we know he is bipolar? Are you all just guessing?
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
This made me miss my stalker.
@ Mrs. Voorhees: Kill him, mommy! KILL HIM!
Chee Chee Haa Haa Haa!!!
@ You_Complete_Me: Rick Mercer has a face that was MADE for hard slapping. He's an arrogant, smug son of a bitch and he is absolutely NOT at all funny. JazzyJane, let's send Mercer south as well.
Creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy
It's almost as if he's saying "Oh but I'm 49. *sad face* You wouldn't like that. Orrrrrr...would you?" Bipolar or no bipolar, it's creepy. Not funny or cute or clever, just weird and creepy.
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A baby's first words should not be: "DEATH DON'T TAKE ME NOW!!!" - MK