As I was watching this video of a Miss Brazil 2011 wannabe go bitch boom on the stage floor, I felt my life shake. That is some 4D shit. I’m rusty when it comes to earthquake riding, so I figured one of my neighbors was playing Dance Dance Revolution again. But then I realized that God brought down his mighty fist over all of his basic cable channels focusing all their airtime on that Kartrashian bullshit. When God shakes his head, we must listen.
I hope this 5.9 earthquake is a one time wink from the rapture, because I really don’t want to have to find a safe place outside of my apartment to keep my earthquake kit (aka lube and a plastic jug full of vodka for disinfecting the river water, of course).