Mattel’s Hot Looks Dolls from fuckery’s favorite decade The 1980s!
Before Maddox, Shiloh, the twin messiahs, Zahara and the other one were struttin’ in front of a wall of paps as the most famous It’s A Small World crew on the planet, there were the Hot Looks Dolls! The Hot Looks Dolls were a group of “fashion” dolls with pantyhose bodies and harsh hairlines who each came from a different country. There was Zizi from Kenya, Chelsea from England, Elkie from Sweden, Mimi from France and Stacey from the US. Unlike that nipple-less, labia-less nudist Barbie, the Hot Looks Dolls were demure and prude-ish, because their bra and panties were permanently attached to their bodies. They only lasted for a quick minute and I don’t know why. Who wouldn’t want a doll with slight FAS face who dressed like an extra from Kids INC.?!
I know I wanted one, but I was rejected! When I was around 6 or 7, I went to some old witch’s garage sale near my mom’s friend’s house. I had five dollars in my pocket and knew I had to find a friend for the Barbie I stole from my sister. I found Zizi in a box of dolls and when I went to pay for her, the toothless old beast of a bitch with gums as black as her heart said to me, “Oh, you don’t want that. What about one of those robots or trucks in that box over there?”
What the hell kind of customer service is that?! I had the money and I wasn’t even trying to barter with that bitch, yet she turned me down? She was like Snobby Saleswoman #2 from Pretty Woman, but instead of saying “It’s very expensive,” she basically said to me, “It’s very gay.”
If we ever meet again in the afterworld, I hope I’m wearing a suit made entirely of $4 Zizi dolls just so I can say to that old bitch, “Big mistake! HUGE!”