As Urinal Kake Kardashian initiated Kris Humphries into the Kardashian Kult chapter of the Illuminati by pulling his heart out with her teeth and offering it as a sacrifice to the devils, country singer and blind item star Chely Wright married her piece Lauren Blitzer in Connecticut.
Chely tells People that they married at Lauren’s auntie’s house and chose to keep veils off of their heads because they didn’t want to fuck up their mops. Chely is a Christian and Lauren is Jewish, so a rabbi and a minister worked together to bond the two in gayelle matrimony. Chely said this to People about her new wife:
“The freedom of being out and open about who I am allowed me to find and fall in love with Lauren – the most amazing woman I’ve ever known.”
Never mind that Chely and Lauren’s wedding picture looks like one of my friends trying to talk a tanked me from the edge of letting out a drunk barf in the middle of the bar, this is wonderful news for one important reason. The reason being that maybe this will inspire Rojo Caliente and Cynthia Nixon to make the gayngels cry flannel tears by getting married STAT.
And John Rich now knows the reason why every single one of his credit cards got declined at Home Depot yesterday. Don’t fuck with the gayelles!