On the left is Benicio Del Toro on the set of Watching TV in the Front Yard: The True Story of Michael K’s Uncle and on the right is Tuấn Anh, the velvet Elvis painting that was brought to life when the ghost of Liberace kissed it gently on the lips.
You know, Benicio is trying hard to win this battle, but a vote against Tuấn is a vote against beauty. Tuấn is a Vietnamese jewel whose beautiful face sometimes shows up on an angel’s toast up in heaven. Then the angels call the heaven news channel and make a big deal out of it. If you stuck your hand into Tuấn’s bouffant, your fingers would touch the air above the unicorn kingdom. Total portal to the unicorn world. So because of this, Benicio just can’t hold a tease brush to Tuấn. Oh, and Tuấn Anh’s name in Vietnamese means, “Aah, chew this twat, haters!” Yup, not even close.
And about that “watching TV in the front yard” thing. NYC is a perfect place to live for a lot of reasons. Like, you can order dick, weed, nachos and booze at any hour of the day. But when summer comes around and my air conditioning breaks, I really do miss having a front yard. When you’ve got a front yard and your AC quits life, you pull out your longest extension cord, plug it into your living room TV and then drag that TV into the front yard. You don’t go into the backyard, because it’s a scary place where old refrigerators and shopping carts you stole from Pic ‘N’ Save go to die.
So you, your cousins and your uncle sit around on lounge chairs, watching TV in the front yard. Almost every time you do this, the nasty ass neighborhood dog has to come around and squat out an entertainment killer right in front of the TV. Everyone looks at each other like, “Not picking it up. Not me.” You then make a decision as a group to ignore it and use your imagination to pretend that pile of dog shit is an oddly shaped weed. Because nothing is going to come between you and eating watermelon con hot sauce while watching TV in the front yard. Not even dog shit. Those were the days.
Anyway, as you look at these pictures of Benicio and a pissed off Salma Hayek (who is obviously playing some kind of Kardashian) on the set of Oliver Stone’s Savages, let Tuấn Anh serenade you.
Wearing the shit out of Barbara Bush’s old New Year’s Eve suit: Tuấn knows how to do it.