Who Wore The Bouffant Mullet Better?
On the left is Benicio Del Toro on the set of Watching TV in the Front Yard: The True Story of Michael K's Uncle and on the right is Tuấn Anh, the velvet Elvis painting that was brought to life when the ghost of Liberace kissed it gently on the lips.
You know, Benicio is trying hard to win this battle, but a vote against Tuấn is a vote against beauty. Tuấn is a Vietnamese jewel whose beautiful face sometimes shows up on an angel's toast up in heaven. Then the angels call the heaven news channel and make a big deal out of it. If you stuck your hand into Tuấn's bouffant, your fingers would touch the air above the unicorn kingdom. Total portal to the unicorn world. So because of this, Benicio just can't hold a tease brush to Tuấn. Oh, and Tuấn Anh's name in Vietnamese means, "Aah, chew this twat, haters!" Yup, not even close.
And about that "watching TV in the front yard" thing. NYC is a perfect place to live for a lot of reasons. Like, you can order dick, weed, nachos and booze at any hour of the day. But when summer comes around and my air conditioning breaks, I really do miss having a front yard. When you've got a front yard and your AC quits life, you pull out your longest extension cord, plug it into your living room TV and then drag that TV into the front yard. You don't go into the backyard, because it's a scary place where old refrigerators and shopping carts you stole from Pic 'N' Save go to die.
So you, your cousins and your uncle sit around on lounge chairs, watching TV in the front yard. Almost every time you do this, the nasty ass neighborhood dog has to come around and squat out an entertainment killer right in front of the TV. Everyone looks at each other like, "Not picking it up. Not me." You then make a decision as a group to ignore it and use your imagination to pretend that pile of dog shit is an oddly shaped weed. Because nothing is going to come between you and eating watermelon con hot sauce while watching TV in the front yard. Not even dog shit. Those were the days.
Anyway, as you look at these pictures of Benicio and a pissed off Salma Hayek (who is obviously playing some kind of Kardashian) on the set of Oliver Stone's Savages, let Tuấn Anh serenade you.
Wearing the shit out of Barbara Bush's old New Year's Eve suit: Tuấn knows how to do it.
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IÂd have to examine with you here. Which is not one thing I normally do! I enjoy reading a post that will make individuals think. Additionally, thanks for allowing me to remark!
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Am I imagining things or does the beginning of that song in the video sound like the "Sex and the City" theme?
That Asian dude...I just can't...what's with the earrings?
And Salma looks like the girl from The Ring. Scary!
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"It's all fun and farts until somebody gets punched." -MK
Holy shit, that's gay! It's like Liberace and Wayne Newton conceived a daughter while...ok I don't even know what it's like other than FABULOUS.
Sweet lord jesus fuckmehard christ!
And here he is with Carlos Santana http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntG1l55h4Io
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You got a lot of money, but you can't afford the freeway
I couldn't figure out what was going on here for a minute either. I thought Salma Hayek was a guy in drag and (is that Pitt?) looks like some guy from my class reunion who thinks the party is still happening in the back.
I love the way that delicate butterfly walks down the stairs. I am going to walk down stairs that way from now on. Even during rush hour in the subway.
Looks like Fred Armison.
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Submitted by Sarah Smile on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 7:37am.
This is gold, MK.
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You took the words right out of my mouth, Sarah S. Pure comedic gold. Once again, Michael K makes getting up in the morning worthwhile.
Submitted by boredasfuckyo on Thu, 08/18/2011 - 9:55pm.
Now look, you bitches bare with me, because I actually like this person. Idk why, I don't understand a damn word he says, but I like his voice, I like that cheesy salsa like music, and I like his vietnamese/mexicany male version of bea arthur from the Golden Girls look....I love it!
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Post: pure comedy.
Comment: pure truth.
To you both: thank you. **************************************
Cure for cramps: weed. Weed for everything, really.- Bjork You
good morning, miss turtle....
I thought it was one of those chicks from TRHoNJ
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
This is gold, MK.
And I bet Benicio thinks Salma is a huge pain in the ass.
Sarah Smile
Ha ha ha, good morning Jack!!
Damn, homegirl looks like SHIT. She looks like my aunt Theresa that I hate (bitch has no teeth and wears those big ass ugly dentures, her chin sticks out, and she talks like a man, like Marge Simpson's sisters). All I can think of when looking at these pics is that voice...*shudder*
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She appears to be under the delusion that she is so hot that she can go around sans fards. She needs the fards.-Deb 7/29/11
In the 3rd to last thumb, I see a babyhead on her knee.
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"Your ignorance makes me ill and angry. Your savageness...must...end."
Mudturtle - yes, those are her boobs... I mean yes, it is her.
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
Also, please excuse the morning fog if I'm asking an obvious and dumb question, but is that REALLY Salma Hayek???
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She appears to be under the delusion that she is so hot that she can go around sans fards. She needs the fards.-Deb 7/29/11
I swear, MK, you have a true gift with words. I love you so very much!!! This post alone has made my day.
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She appears to be under the delusion that she is so hot that she can go around sans fards. She needs the fards.-Deb 7/29/11
oh my who is this gelatinous chicken sausage?
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Thank you, MK, for explaining why some people only use their front yard. I always wondered why the poorest/trashiest/most ghetto in my neighborhood liked to play and be seen in the front yard. Now I know that their back yard is full of crap. I learn so much on this site.
Barbara Bush never wore chandlier rhinestone earrings.
"Sure, I like a cocktail every now and again. And the last I checked, it was now".
Yup, Brad Pitt and an angry tranny.
Wait, from the thumbnails I thought Salma was a guy in drag. No sarcasm added.
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"Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained by incompetence."
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
Yikes! I got a dp while posting about Brad Pitt and Benicio Del Toro.
No bueno!
Benicio/Brad, either way, DO NOT WANT.
I never liked Brad Pitt, I used to think Benicio was sorta hot but now he just looks dirty and not in a good way. Like he maybe smells of ass and b.o.
Thankyoubutno.
I thought that was Brad Pitt, too. He and Benicio look so much alike. And WOW! I don't think I've ever seen Salma look so bad.. didn't think it was possible. She looks all haggard and shit, I love it. Maybe her looks are starting to reflect her personality.
The best mullet was on Larry "Horse-meat" Fortensky.
Discuss!
Submitted by zomay on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 1:19am.
Hahaa! Yeah, it has a stagey '50s zing. But now we'll know who you are when you hit the big bouffant times!
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eta: your writing has the MK touch with stream of unicorn consciousness :)
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Bouffant Mullet will be my stage name when I go incognito as a movie actor.
Hello, my name is Bouffant. I demand in my dressing room white candles, sea salted cashews, essential oils from Egypt and don't for one fucking minute think my water should be anything other than pure snow from the mountain top of Mount Everest....
lmao at
"Tuấn is a Vietnamese jewel whose beautiful face sometimes shows up on an angel's toast up in heaven."
"If you stuck your hand into Tuấn's bouffant, your fingers would touch the air above the unicorn kingdom."
ahahahaa! this is why MK's writing is like crack
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THIS IS THE BEST POST!! thank you
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Thu, 08/18/2011 - 11:40pm.
I thought it was a guy, too!
Gator needs his gat you punk-ass bitch!
*stares blankly*
Oh. I miss. Ed Mcmahon.
*gives minus 12 stars plus 14 stars*....,but math was never my strong suit.
Wait a second! Is that REALLY Salma Hayek? I honestly thought it was a guy in drag. My first guess was actually Antonio Banderas. I kid you not.
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"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err."
Mahatma Gandhi
Michael I looooooooooooooooooooooooooove you for posting this video. Haha! Seriously. Words cannot express it :)
Michael K are you on acid with this post? WTF? You went off the deep end Yo.
Asian version of Prince
Is there something wrong with me that the jazz flute was what bothered me the most about that video?
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Remember, the early bird may catch the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese...
Where did you go, La Chaylo? athens? CSG? Okay, I'll play kick the can by my lonesome.
Watching Tuấn is like staring into the sun. You can only take so much...
Watching Tuấn is like staring into the sun. You can only take so much...
Damn you multiple comment!
Tuấn Anh is a dead ringer for Roseanne Barr in need of a wax.
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"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err."
Mahatma Gandhi
Submitted by TimC on Thu, 08/18/2011 - 10:21pm.
I have never seen anyone shimmy like that before. That is the queen high priestess of shimmying.
The hedgehog of shimmying: He knows one thing very well.
Hey CSG!!
I have never seen anyone shimmy like that before. That is the queen high priestess of shimmying. And he looks like the bastard child of Louis XIV and Arnold's Hispanic maid.
I thought it was a joke about a female impersonator, but apparently that really is Salma. Bangs and bad lighting are nobody's friends, not even a billionaire golddigger's. I guess she doesn't give a fuck, and I don't blame her.
Benicio Del Toro will always be the darker, swarthier and slightly mentally challenged looking evil twin of Brad Pitt.
Tuấn looks like a young, Asian version of Roseanne Barr sans mustache [by 'sans' I mean Rosanne shaves hers off he-he].
I seriously thought that was Brad Pitt.
Now look, you bitches bare with me, because I actually like this person. Idk why, I don't understand a damn word he says, but I like his voice, I like that cheesy salsa like music, and I like his vietnamese/mexicany male version of bea arthur from the Golden Girls look....I love it!
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Angels say they can make you suffer.They give and take like a vicious lover .When all this loses meaning, You'll never want it back somehow"-Neverending White Lights (The Grace)
In the red dress - is that what is known as a butterface?
Salma's got a touch of the Sean Penns goin' on:
http://www.dlisted.com/node/39327/images/101020X7_PENN_B-GR_03.jpg