Introducing The Anti-Plastic Face League Of All-Natural Actresses

August 17, 2011 / Posted by:

That sound of an iceberg breaking off and falling into the ocean you hear is actually Nicole Kidman trying to raise a brow over what Kate Winslet said to The Telegraph recently. 35-year-old Kate says that she, Rachel Weisz and Emma Thompson have formed of group of superhero actresses who are dropping kicking the plastic surgeon’s scalpel and shooting bullets through silicone titty sacks, because turning their bodies into a frozen tundra of zero emotion is against their “morals.” Kate Winslet’s alleged original nose hummed out the melody to “Don’t You Forget About Me” while she, Rachel and Emma said this:

“I will never give in,” vows Winslet. “It goes against my morals, the way that my parents brought me up and what I consider to be natural beauty.”

Winslet, who is the daughter of “jobbing actors” from Berkshire, adds: “I am an actress, I don’t want to freeze the expression of my face.”

Her comments echo those by Thompson, to whom she has been close since they appeared together in Sense and Sensibility in 1995. “I’m not fiddling about with myself,” said Thompson, 52. “We’re in this awful youth-driven thing now where everybody needs to look 30 at 60.”

Weisz, 41, for her part, has said her natural beauty is an asset. “People who look too perfect don’t look sexy or particularly beautiful,” said the Oscar-winning star of The Constant Gardener, who married Daniel Craig this year.

Okay…and? You can close your open palm, Kate, because nobody’s going to get a step ladder to climb up to your high horse and give you a gold star.

Really, what’s this “morals” crap? Stretching your face until you’re barely recognizable doesn’t make you a bad person, it just makes you a bad person to look at sometimes. If a Meg Ryan type wants to transform her face into Howard the Duck as seen through eyes of Picasso, who am I to judge? Yes, I’ll make fun of her until my fingers go sore just like I’m making fun of Kate for standing at the altar of self-righteousness as the choir sings out “thiiiiiiiiis biiiiiiitch.”

It’s really not that serious. If you want to fuck with your face, fuck with your face. If you don’t want to fuck with your face, don’t fuck with your face. If you want to type the beautiful word fuck four times in two sentences, then type the beautiful word fuck four times in two sentences.

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