We’re All Going To Prison

August 15, 2011 / Posted by:

It looks like I’m about to find out the answer to the question “How many contraband She-Ra dolls, Mother’s Cookies, tweezers and Footballers Wives DVDs can I shove up my ass?“, because I fully expect an entire SWAT team to crash through my windows at any moment and drag me to death row for being a serial cunt word thrower. If this story from TMZ is telling the truth, then all of us will soon have police records longer than our free clinic files.

Hayley Marie Norman, whose claim to fame is being briefcase model #25 on Deal or No Deal, was forced to turn herself into police last week after she allegedly committed an illegal act by calling her ex-boyfriend’s new ho a “fucking cunt” in a text message. Heather Mills’ own daughter better thank her everything that she lives in England, because if she lived in America she’d suffer a punishment far worse than having to sand and re-stain that bitch’s leg every time she called her a cunt.

After the new piece of Hayley’s ex went to the LAPD and showed them the text message, they charged her with making obscene or threatening phone calls, a misdemeanor. Hayley could also be charged with vandalism, because somebody spray painted “This girl sucks dicks for freeand “This girl is a fucking cunt” on the front of her apartment and ho thinks that someone is Hayley.

A few things. The new ho is a dim bitch who doesn’t deserved to be called a cunt. When somebody brands you as a cunt, you thank them since that’s better than getting knighted by the queen herself. You don’t WAH WAH WAH to the police about it. It’s a compliment, not a crime.

Second of all, if those students who paint house numbers on the curb left a note on my front door that read “As a service to the sluts in this area, we will be painting ‘This tramp sucks dicks for free’ on the doors of whores in the neighborhood today,” I would drop a few twenties in their donation cup. It would save me from having to post the exact same thing on Craigslist.

Third of all, this is obviously a major misunderstanding. The First Amendment to the United States Constitution clearly states: “[e]veryone shall have the right to call each other a cunt without interference.” As a cuntorian, I know my cunt history!

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