As the chapel’s window fogged up with a greasy cloud of whiskey burps, coke sweat and future regrets, the original Lindsay Lohan, Tara Reid, broke her streak as an always fiancee by becoming a bride in Greece today. I would write “hopa” in all Kanyes, but if I type it that loud I may wake Tara up from her drunk marital coma and she’ll once again crash the nearest bar to give another wedding night beej to a full Ouzo bottle. Nobody wants that.
Tara’s rep (yeah, don’t you call your dealer your “rep” too) confirms to People that she married her boyfriend of about five seconds, Danish businessman Michael Lilleund, in Greece today. Michael Lilleund is not to be confused with Tara’s last fiance and my personal favorite, Michael Axtmann (that’s Michael Assman if your anus lips whistle at man bulge).
Michael Lilleund and Tara were only engaged for a quick second. In the span of just a few hours, Tara Twatted that she was engaged and then she announced that she was Michael’s wife. This is your engagement on speed. Here’s what Tara slur Tweeted yesterday:
I just got engaged!
Thank you for all of your support! I love you guys
Love in Greece…I am now a wife:)
Just got married in greece I love being a wife!
21 hours ago
I swear, the coke in Greece is no joke. What happens in Greece, gets quickie divorced in the Dominican Republic!
Seriously, I haven’t checked Tara’s Twatter in the past hour, but I’m pretty sure it reads: “I’m divorced! I love being an ex-wife!” HOPA! Oh, shit. I didn’t mean to scream type that. There goes Tara barreling toward the bar….