My Big Drunk Greek Wedding!

As the chapel's window fogged up with a greasy cloud of whiskey burps, coke sweat and future regrets, the original Lindsay Lohan, Tara Reid, broke her streak as an always fiancee by becoming a bride in Greece today. I would write "hopa" in all Kanyes, but if I type it that loud I may wake Tara up from her drunk marital coma and she'll once again crash the nearest bar to give another wedding night beej to a full Ouzo bottle. Nobody wants that.

Tara's rep (yeah, don't you call your dealer your "rep" too) confirms to People that she married her boyfriend of about five seconds, Danish businessman Michael Lilleund, in Greece today. Michael Lilleund is not to be confused with Tara's last fiance and my personal favorite, Michael Axtmann (that's Michael Assman if your anus lips whistle at man bulge).

Michael Lilleund and Tara were only engaged for a quick second. In the span of just a few hours, Tara Twatted that she was engaged and then she announced that she was Michael's wife. This is your engagement on speed. Here's what Tara slur Tweeted yesterday:

I just got engaged!
13 Aug

Greece married!
13 Aug

Thank you for all of your support! I love you guys
13 Aug

Love in Greece...I am now a wife:)
13 Aug

Just got married in greece I love being a wife!
21 hours ago

I swear, the coke in Greece is no joke. What happens in Greece, gets quickie divorced in the Dominican Republic!

Seriously, I haven't checked Tara's Twatter in the past hour, but I'm pretty sure it reads: "I'm divorced! I love being an ex-wife!" HOPA! Oh, shit. I didn't mean to scream type that. There goes Tara barreling toward the bar....

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by from athens on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 12:04pm.

OMG Greece is now married!i can die happy now!

Submitted by Dion flowerboy on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 12:01pm.

But what does Mr. Patrick Campbell have to say about all this?

Submitted by kokoskitten on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 10:42am.

So ALLEGEDLYthis Michael guy is telling the press he DID NOT marry Tara and she's actually married to a different guy...did she get the names mixed up in a drunken stupor??
http://gawker.com/5830917/tara-reid-finally-lands-a-rich-husband-and-oth...

Submitted by spankypants on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 10:35am.

He's kinda cute.

Submitted by karen on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 8:51am.

" Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer"..William S. Burroughs

ill blow you for a thousand dollars.

Submitted by MyBFlvsPeanutBu... on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 8:35am.

I've kinda felt sorry for her in the past. I hope she's happy now. But why in the world are you twittering when you just got married? Shouldn't you be banging, or having romantic dinners or on a plane or somehting? Turn the computer off, Tara, or phone or tablet or whatever.... bang yo man!!!

Submitted by HangryHippo on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 8:13am.

i knew love was in the air today when i took my first breath of fresh morning air and it smelled/tasted like ouzo, burnt weave, and botched tummy tucks (don't ask me what that smells like...you don't want to know)!

www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack

Submitted by MyFingersHurt on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 7:39am.

Wait... You guys, check out her Twitter feed now:

In reply to Deepak Chopra tweeting "Happy Independence Day India," Tara tweeted back @ him saying, "@DeepakChopra I just got married!"

She also has (what HAVE to be) a slew of drunk/high ramblings, like tweeting @ two different people saying, "I love u dori!"

Did her account get hacked or did she get married while completely trashed?

(Stupid question.)

Submitted by Jintess on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 7:25am.

That's an unfortunate picture.

I mean, sure she looks pretty but holy cow does he look 5 ways of drunk.

Good luck Tara

Submitted by fleawatch on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 6:36am.

Well, he is Greek so perhaps the B hole is the only spot left that wasnt botched by plastic surgery?

Submitted by snowball on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 6:32am.

Well, I wish them well and hope they don't disintegrate that fast. She may be a drunky drunk but she's not out getting arrested every month or assaulting people. She seems like a happy drunk or whatever. She seems a little dim and I don't think she has the best taste in men either. Maybe they screw her over, maybe she beards, who knows. She seems sort of needy and I feel sad for her.

She was obviously trying to improve the way she looked - probably to get the slutty blonde parts - and got fucked over by her plastic surgery. It's not exactly entirely her fault and she has been trying to fix it.

So after all that, I guess I just think she's sort of a harmless ditzy whatever. She doesn't seem mean ever or like she's trying to steal anyone's man or anything. So I hope she's happy for as long as she can be with this guy.

Drunky drunk tweeting and all.

Submitted by babybunny on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 6:28am.

looks like somebody needed a green card and fast!! I married a Greek (thought I was in love..until he got physically abusive) woke up, divorced his abusive ass, and I think messed up his chances for a green card...(I can only hope on that one!!)

Submitted by NOT IMPRESSED on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 6:21am.

Wow, she gets around. I have multiple friends who spotted her in DC like a month ago or so partying it up. I'm actually happy for her, though. That crazy bitch needs to settle down. Plus, I totally agree with the sentiments that you never hear of her acting like an entitled bitch or anything. She's just a lady who loves to get slizzard. That is all.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Douchechill!

Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 5:35am.

Well there is hope for me yet.
______________________________________________
"Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me."

*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-

Submitted by dementa on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 5:34am.

BTW I agree that it's really sad that after many more years of hard partying, she STILL looks fresher and younger than Blohan.

Even sadder is that despite the hard partying, she's got a better career than Blohan. She's in a lot of shitty movies, but she's actually WORKING and you don't hear people complaining about how unprofessional she is.

*********

I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.

Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 5:31am.

Maybe this will be the thing that straightens her out.

(Realistically, I know there's a 25% chance of that happening, but I'm rooting for her with all my heart. I feel the same way about Tara that everyone else does.)

Submitted by You_Complete_Me. on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 5:27am.

Submitted by PinkTransAm on Sun, 08/14/2011 - 10:52pm.

"Tara always had a beautiful face..."
_______________________

I respectfully disagree. She is an oatcake dipped in gin.

<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>
"okayyy lets not make a goddess out of Maria Shiver now. It's from her bitch face that she is a cunt." - cuntwhore (2011-08-08)

Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 5:21am.

She looks....quite pretty I must say. I'm with the give her a break crowed. We don't see her wreaked everyday in the tabs and she doesn't come across as a cunt and never really did. She was simply a party girl that had bad surgery. Having said that I can't see this lasting more than the life span of an unrefrigerated glass of milk but what the hell, all the best to her.

Submitted by dementa on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 4:53am.

I'm shocked she didn't get engaged, married and annulled within 24 hrs.

*********

I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.

Submitted by Anonymoussss on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 4:34am.

Submitted by heathen on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 3:25am.

***********

Yep, and the Greek culture is one of the most beautiful cultures in the world.

Submitted by letinstar on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 4:33am.

i'm gonna follow tara on twitter so i'll be the first to know when she twats her annulment...

i agree with those who say she looks good here..and definitely fresher looking that lilo could ever look..
_____________________________________________
Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent...

Submitted by Juniperjump on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 3:50am.

She looks happy in that photo. Leave her alone - she doesn't really do anything anymore.

Submitted by joe shmoe on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 3:00am.

She loves being a wife? For what? All of 24 hours? Get back to me in a couple of months honey.

ETA: I'd say years, but we all know that's silly. And her face looks good.

************

Submitted by christine the hoff on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 2:44am.

he's cute. next!

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Oh God ,why don't you go sit under a rainbow and write a poem, Kyle.

Submitted by -j on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 2:14am.

Hope the baby's cock-eyed to find those wonky-nips!

Truth laid bare, oooo!

Submitted by Nanners on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 2:04am.

Submitted by moonmaid on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 12:33am.
Hey, for all the snarky comments, she still looks about 100 times better than Lindsay Lohan at this point.
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ITA. But Linds would never leave Hollywood and stay out of trouble for a few years.

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What kind of fuckery is this?

Submitted by heathen on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 1:55am.

I love you MK, but it is OPA, not HOPA.

Nowadays it is used as a joyful toast equivalent to saying "cheers" but it is actually an acronym for the Greek words for Family Oikeoynia, Country Patrida, and Love Agape. So when Greek people say it they are toasting Family, Country, Love.

Obviously, I'm using the English, not the Greek, alphabet & spelling the words phonetically, but each word of the acronym for OPA starts with the Greek letter equivalent pronunciation-wise to the O, P, & A of the English alphabet.

In Greek letters it looks like this: ΟΠΑ standing for:
Οικογένεια (family)
Πατριδα (country)
Αγάπη (love)

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"And 9/11 ain't nothing compared to what's happening on the buffet line at Sizzler." MK

Submitted by Mrs Patrick Campbell on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 1:51am.

Michael is a gorgeous homosexual, good luck with that icky fish!

(Are there nude photos of Michael?)

Submitted by Suzy Farkis on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 12:34am.

If her head is as cleaned up as her face, there might be hope for her. But the marriage will disintegrate in 3...2...1...

Submitted by moonmaid on Sun, 08/14/2011 - 11:03pm.

Hey, for all the snarky comments, she still looks about 100 times better than Lindsay Lohan at this point. She actually looks pretty in this picture. She's never claimed to be a great actress, so I wish her well.

Submitted by sonne on Sun, 08/14/2011 - 10:48pm.

@LaChaylo, I feel you about being single and dating weirdos. My son surprised me by giving me a mini-lecture about how I MUST date in my age group. I told him guys my age (40's) have ex-wives they hate and the younger ones don't. That and the younger ones are more interesting to talk to. :D Not that I'm actually getting dates at the moment, sadly. :( Anyway, on topic....

LOL, I hope they aren't planning on settling in Denmark because I don't know if the immigration people will let her in (it's really tough now). She probably couldn't pass the danish language requirement, bwahahaha. At least being drunk off yer ass is socially acceptable here as long as it's a party or night time or your sitting in the town square with your buddies, lol.

You guys might feel sorry for him marrying her (or not) but I sorta feel sorry for her marrying him, ha ha. Yes, I have issues with danish men. ;)

Submitted by BitchyD on Sun, 08/14/2011 - 10:18pm.

Although she's a tabloid punching bag, I've always thought she was such a sweet girl. Good for her.

Submitted by caprica six on Sun, 08/14/2011 - 9:38pm.

Submitted by PinkTransAm on Sun, 08/14/2011 - 10:59pm.

because people just assume Facebook is an acceptable means of communicating for these important life events
______

Pink,
Seriously! Hear you. Alls I'm saying is, stop with the hourly updates and BE WITH PEOPLE, call them, whatever, but this hourly update shit is just unreal. No wonder why the people in our physical lives feel somewhat neglected.

ETA: either way, congrats Tara (Now get off the twitter!). She does look gorge in the main pic. Good for her.

_____
"too bad ... we want money...want...money..."
- Doug and Courtney, subroutine-cyberspeak of love

Submitted by PinkTransAm on Sun, 08/14/2011 - 9:35pm.

Submitted by kokoskitten on Sun, 08/14/2011 - 10:58pm.
Submitted by PinkTransAm on Sun, 08/14/2011 - 10:52pm.

Tara always had a beautiful face. She is Lindsay Lohan, minus the entitlement. She kind of accepted her fall from grace, and I really hope she finds happiness in marriage.
________________________________

Agree. As far as I know (and I could be wrong) she doesn't blame anything and everyone for tripping her, 'stalking' her, 'setting her up' to look drunk when she's not...and she looks a thousand times better than Lindsay and is 10 years older (well for what it's worth).
=====================

I haven't heard any of that either. I have read about her being a mess, and being denied to clubs and stuff, but she never seems to place blame or act like she is still at the level that she used to be.

Submitted by PinkTransAm on Sun, 08/14/2011 - 9:29pm.

Submitted by caprica six on Sun, 08/14/2011 - 10:51pm.
Here's the thing with weddings/baby shit/other family shit being on twitter and fb: GO FUCKING DAMN BE WITH YOUR 'LOVED ONES' DURING THIS MAJOR EVENT GET THE FUCK OFF THE SMARTPHONE/COMPUTER JESUS CHRIST YOU JUST DAMN DID A HUGE LIFE-TYPE THING SO GO FKING DAMN FARKING ENJOY IT OFFLINE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

*calms down* Offline, bitch. Get offline and mingle with the new hubs/baby/whatever/whoever. I can't w/ people who's thumbs are getting more action than their 'celebration' calls for. Fking can't understand that shit.

Separately, LMAO at 'cum bum'; just read back a wee bit, and Bjork/La Chay, I fking lmao at the example usage in the other post, rotf still

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I so get where you are coming from with this! I Live in MN and have relatives in Seattle. Some of our older relatives were informed of people being in the hospital and DEATH offamily members, that lived in Seattle, by re;atives in MN because people just assume Facebook is an acceptable means of communicating for these important life events

Submitted by kokoskitten on Sun, 08/14/2011 - 9:28pm.

Submitted by PinkTransAm on Sun, 08/14/2011 - 10:52pm.

Submitted by PinkTransAm on Sun, 08/14/2011 - 9:22pm.

Tara always had a beautiful face. She is Lindsay Lohan, minus the entitlement. She kind of accepted her fall from grace, and I really hope she finds happiness in marriage.

Submitted by caprica six on Sun, 08/14/2011 - 9:21pm.

Here's the thing with weddings/baby shit/other family shit being on twitter and fb: GO FUCKING DAMN BE WITH YOUR 'LOVED ONES' DURING THIS MAJOR EVENT GET THE FUCK OFF THE SMARTPHONE/COMPUTER JESUS CHRIST YOU JUST DAMN DID A HUGE LIFE-TYPE THING SO GO FKING DAMN FARKING ENJOY IT OFFLINE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Separately, LMAO at 'cum bum'; just read back a wee bit, and Bjork/La Chay, I fking lmao at the example usage in the other post, rotf still

_____
"too bad ... we want money...want...money..."
- Doug and Courtney, subroutine-cyberspeak of love

Submitted by the ex on Sun, 08/14/2011 - 9:14pm.

ick!she is so gross

Vintage clothes 1920s-1980s http://vintageclothesretro.com

Submitted by MickeyHolland on Sun, 08/14/2011 - 9:05pm.

Twitter apparently is a medium that only works for people with Early-onset Alzheimer's at both ends of the deal. What's the point of having a tool that allows you "to network efficiently and with large groups of people" if you're gonna bore them into a coma by repeating yourself every few minutes/hours?

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"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err."

Mahatma Gandhi

Submitted by Bjork You on Sun, 08/14/2011 - 8:45pm.

Well, she does look healthy.

La Chaylo is having too many cum bummers of late.

Lovers Keep On The Road Youre On's picture

Submitted by Lovers Keep On ... on Sun, 08/14/2011 - 8:44pm.

I know that Tara is a mess of epic proportions, but I feel like she isn't a pile of shit the way Lindsay is. She just has never bothered me that much.

Submitted by TBH on Sun, 08/14/2011 - 8:39pm.

Well if someone is willing to marry Tara Reid then there is hope for the rest of us. There is truly someone for everyone even if they're questionable.

Submitted by LaChaylo on Sun, 08/14/2011 - 8:36pm.

I'll have whatever she's having, thnxkbye.

No really. Please. Singlehood sucks for me.

Last date - guy waxing poetic on solar power and the discoveries made by space travel. He showed up in dork sandals. DORK SANDALS. I dressed up, and I had to make up a story on why I was dressed up after he told me I looked nice. My dating karma sucks, I know.

Tara Drunks getting married and seeing hot guy/lame Juggolo has thrown me off today.

Submitted by boomsy on Sun, 08/14/2011 - 8:28pm.

I'm happy for her I guess? Everybody needs somebody....

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Remember, the early bird may catch the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese...

Submitted by precociousmagpie on Sun, 08/14/2011 - 8:27pm.

Submitted by mike on Sun, 08/14/2011 - 9:48pm.

I was gonna tell you to keep the little shit, but Rusty Hooligan trademarked the idea before I could get my attorney on the blower, so he's pimping out all of the online badger services now, and you'll have to put the fucker on the redeye tonight to L.A. or pay exorbitant late fees.

Yeah, you all thought Rusty Hooligan was a nice guy, didn't you??