Open Post: Hosted By The Empress Of Lucite On A Bike

August 13, 2011 / Posted by:

Shauna Sand can float on a sliver of Lucite above sand, give life to a dead Segway, tame a wild scooter and ride a bike in heels, yet most dumb hos still don’t gather together at the stripper store on Sundays to worship her as their savior and idol?! The Empress of Lucite can do everything that Moses and Jesus did, but she does it while looking an exquisite water flower whose petals are made of angel labias. I mean, why did Harry Potter even bother going to that wizard school when he could’ve learned real magic from Shauna Sand? This world, I’ll never understand it!

The mere mortals of Miami basically witnessed the sequel to the parting of the red sea (no comment) today when Shauna Sand used her exquisite lucite heels to pedal a bike around the beach. Actually, I think Shauna gently laid her heels on the pedals and the bike pedaled itself.

That bike is never going to wash its pedals and seat ever again. Well, the seat might have to be dipped in boiling liquid antibiotics by order of the health department, but Shauna’s skid marks of elegance will definitely never be dusted from those pedals.

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