I'll Take "Ho Shit Gone Wrong" For 200, Alex
Lucinda Moyers, the 56-year-old woman who was arrested in San Francisco after Alex Trebek accused her of stealing his stuff, is telling the media that she's in the business of selling snatch, not snatching shit. You can call her a clearance bin whore (or the Wonder Bread outlet of pussy peddlers), but don't call her a thief!
Last month, Alex tore one of his precious tendons when he chased Lucinda down the hallway, because he believed she stole $650 in cash, a bracelet and a purse from his hotel room while he was sleeping next to his wife. But Lucinda's public defender Mark Jacobs tells SF Weekly that she never went into Alex's room and was only in the hotel to sell recession pussy to a john on the same floor.
Mark argues that Alex never saw Lucinda in his room and the cops never found his shit on her body when they arrested her. Mark explained Lucinda's side like this:
"He saw her in the hallway. There's no one who is going to be able to testify that she was seen in the room. Then he noticed the light from the door opening. He never actually saw anybody. He went down and opened the door, and he looked down the hall, and he said he saw a person in the hallway. That's still up for debate, though.
Trebek allegedly approached Moyers outside in the hallway by the elevator, accused her of making off with a bracelet, $650, a purse, and a wallet and then told her he was going to call hotel security. That's when she tried to leave.
She said she was up there working as a prostitute. So, she didn't want hotel security to be involved in her business. When she was arrested, she had no stolen property on her."
If Lucinda is found guilty, she could get a minimum of 25 years in the clink thanks to California's Three Strikes, You're Fucked law. Lucinda's already been convicted of two felonies, so this one would be her third.
WE ALL KNEW IT! If the original story was a Daily Double, I'd bet all my money that it would turn out like this. Yes, Lucinda's got a face that could make a card key lock malfunction, but I doubt she broke into Alex's room. Alex is just mad that the Yellow Pages hooker he ordered for a freaky threesome did not come as advertised and then got hers by stealing his cash when he kicked her out. Alex can only blame himself. Lesson learned, Alex.
This is why you should always meet your leased whores under the bright lights of a Starbucks before bringing them back to your bed. This is what Starbucks are there for. They're for pissing and for inspecting your first time fuck partner. I swear, Jeopardy! should have a category about this so that Alex can john better next time.
Lucinda won this round by honoring the first rule of the ho code of ethics: don't kiss and don't tell.
This actually answered my downside, thank you!
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How did she get into his hotel room? You can't exactly pick one of those electronic locks.
I don't think a blind nympho would hire that fugly thing for sex.
I'll take Hate Yourself in the Morning for 650 Alex.
*opens bag of Goobers*
I have a feeling that everytime anyone tries to clear up this story, it's just gonna get a whole lot murkier.
*pops corn*
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"What doesn't kill you, makes you cuntier" MK
I didn't want Alex Trebek to be into secret ho shit. :( *hangs head low as tears stream down my face* He's too pure! Chris Hansen I can accept. He deals with perverted ho shit daily. Alex Trebek on the other hand...
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Imperfection is beauty. Madness is genius and it is better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. - Marilyn Monroe
I wouldn't fuck her with Monte Hall's dick.
Why does there exist a photo of a shirtless Alex Trebek??! I'm completely freaked out by this, and not in a good way.
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"I'm just going to stop at the 24-hour donut shop and then go home."
"What are you depressed about? Or celebrating?"
Yah know, that thought is beyond squick. That picture creeps me out too. I can see his head, then the rest of his naked body patty caked with shit if you pan out.
I don't believe any of this story.
~*Lets go to my room pig!*~
O dear Mr. Trebek. Was that your hooker? C'mon. You can tell us:)
♥ Threadkilla!
Suck My Dick: http://youtu.be/Mxap2jnfF-E
Mrs. Raul sounds like someone who can handle Mr. Raul just fine. Love gutsy ladies.
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"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err."
Mahatma Gandhi
Did someone say drinks?
COUNT ME IN!
@Raul, lovely story about the missus.
But what price did the ho give? Were there protracted negotiations? Please to finish the story!
And (ahem) has the price risen since then?
hahaha count me in for drinks with Mrs.Raul*starts saving money for the plane tickets*
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 11:23am.
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I'd steam clean her cooch too!
Submitted by Migraine Sally on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 11:45am.
I wanna go out drinking with Mrs. Raul. Ladies, who's with me? We could get into a LOT of trouble together!!
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I'm in. But I'll be the designated driver so I can be sure and tell the rest of dlisted how funny you sluts are.
Submitted by Migraine Sally on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 11:45am.
I wanna go out drinking with Mrs. Raul. Ladies, who's with me? We could get into a LOT of trouble together!!
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*raises hand*
Oo.Oo. Pick me! Pick me!
Why was Alex leaving cash and jewelry just laying out? Then he had time to check it was missing before delivering a beatdown? And she didn't even have anything on her. He basically targeted her because she was ugly and poor looking. What is asshole for 100 please.
Here's what I am going to do, I am going to read up on how to be a Buddhist, and I am gonna pray to Buddha that he is going to reincarnate me so when I kill myself I can come back and be cool as
fuck like you.
This is positively horrendous. I hope the dirt is never unearthed on Pat Sajak because THAT will be a day of mourning.
<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>
"okayyy lets not make a goddess out of Maria Shiver now. It's from her bitch face that she is a cunt." - cuntwhore (2011-08-08)
Hatchet face and the gay gentry--The Movie.
"I lost on Jeopardy, baby (oooh)"
Where's Weird Al Yankovic in this story? :)
I have this song in my head now. Damn earworm.
Wait, I'm confused. Alex Trebek has a wife?! I thought he was an extremely confirmed bachelor. As in, this should be a male hustler mug shot we are seeing, not this lady prostitute who has seen better days.
I wanna go out drinking with Mrs. Raul. Ladies, who's with me? We could get into a LOT of trouble together!!
GOD DAMNIT! No, Blohan doesn't have any felonies.
*kicks wall*
I don't think either one of them is telling the truth.
Submitted by Raul Duke on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 11:21am.
Many years ago when Raul and the then future Mrs. Raul was stopped at at light on the stroll and she rolled down the window and yelled to a ho "Yo bitch, how much for the both of us?" I knew she was a keeper!
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omg this is soooooo sweeet ♥
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
PSL right?
Doesn't Blohan have 2 felonies, one for each DUI?
Or did the judge reduce them?
*goes to smoking gun*
Why would you pay for THAT?? WHY?? I mean how boring, mean, ugly, old aso. can your wife be, for you to go out and pay for pussy that is attached to THAT?? I will never understand men.
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"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
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http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs
The public defenders name is Mark Jacobs.
Oh, the irony of it all...
Does this mean Trebek stays at cheap sleezebag hotewls??
Or is this a "high class" Pretty Woman style hooker these days?
Blowhan is on her 40th strike, yet walks around, and this woman will get sent to jail for life.
Sounds fair.
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See the smile awaitin' in the kitchen, through cookin' and the plates for two..Feel the arms that reach out to hold me, in the evening when the day is through
- Seals & Crofts
Thank you all, yes that was moment I knew I found my soul mate.
Submitted by Meatblocks on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 12:16pm.
suckandfuck and raul are like the goofus and gallant of sick humor.
the best.
┌_П┐(•_•)┌П┐__
I'm not a living legend. I'm just a myth.
Hmm. My favorite SNL Jeopardy categories would have to be "The Penis Mightier" and 'This is the Sound a Doggie Makes," and "Anal Bum Cover."
http://splitsider.com/2011/04/the-complete-history-of-snls-celebrity-jeo...
I'll bet Sean Connery is laughing his head off right now while banding Trebek's mother.
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
Submitted by Raul Duke on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 11:21am.
Many years ago when Raul and the then future Mrs. Raul was stopped at at light on the stroll and she rolled down the window and yelled to a ho "Yo bitch, how much for the both of us?" I knew she was a keeper!
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LOL!
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
She makes me think of Cheech Marin in from Dusk til Dawn...Buy one pussy at the regular price and get a second pussy of equal or lesser value for a dollar. If you can find cheaper pussy FUCK IT.
Raul,
that was beautiful man, just beautiful
I don't understand either version of what happened. And if it doesn't make sense, it's a LIE.
I wonder if MK's seen Idiocracy, where Starbucks is no longer a coffee place, but a place to get handjobs.
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Silly rabbit.
*dabbing @ eyes* Raul, that was so sweet. True Romance!
<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>
"okayyy lets not make a goddess out of Maria Shiver now. It's from her bitch face that she is a cunt." - cuntwhore (2011-08-08)
Submitted by You_Complete_Me. on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 11:10am.
Alex is looking very sultry in that pic.
LOL!
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
LMFAO @ Raulio.
Awesome.
this is just weird.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
"Yes, Lucinda's got a face that could make a card key lock malfunction"
FUCKKIKSDFOLLOLOLOOLOL
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Submitted by Raul Duke on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 11:21am.
Many years ago when Raul and the then future Mrs. Raul was stopped at at light on the stroll and she rolled down the window and yelled to a ho "Yo bitch, how much for the both of us?" I knew she was a keeper!
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marriage material ^FACT
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 11:19am.
I hope the hotel rooms come with an iron so you can get the creases out of her face before you bang her.
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LOLOLOLOL! Hopefully a professional steam iron!
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Submitted by El Bastardo on Mon, 07/04/2011 - 11:39am.
You're only bisexual if someone rams a bottle of water up your ass and you cum. FACT.
Many years ago when Raul and the then future Mrs. Raul was stopped at at light on the stroll and she rolled down the window and yelled to a ho "Yo bitch, how much for the both of us?" I knew she was a keeper!
Submitted by Meatblocks on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 12:16pm.
suckandfuck and raul are like the goofus and gallant of sick humor.
the best.
┌_П┐(•_•)┌П┐__
I'm not a living legend. I'm just a myth.
Hope you hit the Justice of the Peace after that exchange. Mrs. is hardcore! Love. It.
~*Lets go to my room pig!*~
I hope the hotel rooms come with an iron so you can get the creases out of her face before you bang her.
My boss's wife was on Jeopardy and was at the taping for like 7 hours a day for 3 days and he said Alex Trebek was the biggest misogynistic douche on the planet and acted like a total asshole in between tapings.
be cool about fire safety
Sighhh. I knew it. And I love Alex Trebek :(
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Douchechill!