Jennifer Aniston Wants A Baby Friend

August 10, 2011 / Posted by:

Just like St. Angie Jo’s stomach when a piece of actual food drops into it, Jennifer Aniston’s vacancy womb is about to get the shock of its life. Up until now, Jennifer has only used her Public Storage womb to store an extra supply of lonely miserable tears that she dips into when her tear ducts go dry, but UsWeekly says that she’s hoping to lease that space out to a fetus. A source type says that Jennifer is currently getting herself “baby ready.” No, by that they don’t mean that she’s stroking the forehead of her Real Baby while telling it in a gentle voice that it will always have a special place in her heart and its new roommate in the nursery isn’t going to change that.

The source says that while she’s in Kauai, Hawaii with her snatched piece Justin Theroux, she’s trying to get knocked the fetus up by eating a special diet and doing 45 minutes of yoga a day. The source put it like this:

” They have talked at length about getting married and starting a family. She is anxious for the next phase of her life and feels like this is the time.

They both want it to happen soon. They are moving quickly, but they know the feelings they have about [each other] are different from past romances.”

It’s been a while since my mom had the “birds and bees” talk with me, but if a ho wants to come down with a case of the BABIES!!!, shouldn’t she be doing the Downward-Facing Dog right onto Justin’s bare dick right before she makes his jizz kiss her ovaries by doing the Plow Pose? Not by doing beach yoga all day. Oh, Aniston, has it really been THAT long?!

That is the last time Aniston trusts a “How To Get Pregnant” book that “mysteriously” comes in the mail and has all of its pages missing except for a hand-written note that reads: “1. Go to beach. Pray to The Stork to bring baby. 2. Eat only earthworms and live fish. This smell brings The Stork out.” Bitch got GOT again!

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