The Curious Case Of Ali Lohan Is A Model Now
Because Lindsay Lohan's days as the Lohan family's main cokewinner are long gone, White Oprah is getting desperate to find a ho to pay her bar tab so she doesn't have to try to overcome her allergic reaction to actually working a real job. That's where 17-year-old Ali Lohan comes in. Before White Oprah completely sells Ali Lohan to a gerontophile for a bag of Oxies and some drink tickets, she's going to try to make some cash off of her in the modeling world. White Oprah somehow managed to score Ali a multi-year modeling contract with NEXT Modeling Management. Benjamina Button's portrait will hang alongside pictures of Miranda Kerr and Molly Simms on NEXT's wall of models.
The only reasonable explanation for this is that White Oprah threatened to visit NEXT's office every single day and flash her freckled chest testicles at their front door security camera until they signed Ali. The press release NEXT burped out confirms this. White Oprah stood over them with her deep fried talons grabbing the bottom of her shirt, threatening to show them the double faces of hell if they didn't make the press release sound as delusional as possible.
If you ever want to be committed immediately without a psychiatric evaluation, just read the following release word for word. And do it with feeling. From Just Jared and E! Online:
"We are very excited to be representing Aliana Lohan. She represents the future face of fashion and will be a photographer's dream with her chameleon-like beauty.In fashion, Ali will set herself apart as a bona fide icon.One that fashion fans will follow not because of her famous last name, but because of the beautiful images and fashion trends she is helping create."
Future face of fashion? Chameleon-like beauty? Bona fide icon? Has anybody at NEXT been heard from in the past few hours? Methinks White Oprah roofied their Diet Coke cooler, snuck into their offices and then typed out that wreck of a press release while they were all passed out on the floor. I don't know. But I do know that this news will make every copy of Photoshop commit suicide.
And no, that picture isn't of Hank Azaria as Gargamel. Just clearing that shit up.
• 
She has a Rebecca Black quality.
Submitted by Callie on Tue, 08/09/2011 - 5:34pm.
Somewhere Rumer Willis is breathing a huge sigh of relief that she isn't the ugliest one in the modeling game anymore.
mmmmI wouldn't go that far. :D
If this bitch can be a model then so can I and everyone else on here.
Is her nose gonna model too?
.
.
Submitted by Green Tea Latte on Tue, 08/09/2011 - 9:17pm.
OMG it's Excelsa from la familia peluche!
hahaha. That's her!
_________________
Plutonic my arse!
OMG it's Excelsa from la familia peluche! http://www.artistasmexicanos.com/images/Nueva%20imagen.JPG I knew this fug thing looked familiar!
Y'all can thank my univision watching abuelita for that one!
********
Someone by the bar keeps looking at us dancing. I see him starring at me, I see what he wants be
********
>:- (
Mr. Mercury ♥
Ok add my name to the list of designers I won't buy from because they have models who I find laughable.
She's only 17. What's up with the mid 90's 'Nurse Hathaway on duty' hair?
"And no, that picture isn't of Hank Azaria as Gargamel. Just clearing that shit up."
MK!!!!!!!!
Sorry, but no. I gotta give it to White Oprah, though, she'd get Buddy Hackett a modeling gig.
@ Manimal5:
No, sweetie.... you crack my ass up! You and the rest of the sluts are my heros!
==============================================
Riding shotgun with the Thought Police... What you say may be used against you.
Wasn't she trying to be a singer for a while? Or should I say White Oprah was trying to make her be a singer?
Submitted by TexnDoc on Tue, 08/09/2011 - 7:58pm.
NEXT looks like it reps 100s of models and the "Lohan" is toxic. I miss the good old days when MK had stories of White Oprah and Ali judging dog shows on Long Island. They wore matching outfits!
============================================
Yeah, with matching Hello Kitty coke vials hanging around their necks. Seems so long ago.
==============================================
Riding shotgun with the Thought Police... What you say may be used against you.
Submitted by mahaatma on Tue, 08/09/2011 - 7:21pm.
Cleopatra called... she wants her eyebrows back.
You always make me laugh!!
Ok dark eyebrows...Jordana Brewster and Angie Harmon...HOT! Ali Lohan...like chocolate Twizzlers!
Here's how it works: I go to you and say "hey bitch, I'll pay you $25 to let me take sexually degrading photos of you." You say, "ok." Then, you can go around telling people that you're a well-paid model, and be essentially correct. That's what this little shit Ali is doing. I mean, let's get real: she's far too ugly to be a real model, so.....
NEXT looks like it reps 100s of models and the "Lohan" is toxic. I miss the good old days when MK had stories of White Oprah and Ali judging dog shows on Long Island. They wore matching outfits!
How tall is this ho? Her dad is 5'8"
MAX! I modeled at 17 and was barely tall
enough in the early 90s at 5'9 1/2"!
Real models now are much taller!
So white okra has her next victim now lindsay's not raking in the cash. sad to live off your kids, get a fucking job like the rest of us.
------------------------------------------------
Oh God ,why don't you go sit under a rainbow and write a poem, Kyle.
@ caprica six:
*clinks glass to screen*
Damn! I missed all the fun?.... next time I'm wearing my Dlisted beeper to alert me.
==============================================
Riding shotgun with the Thought Police... What you say may be used against you.
oh my. White Oprah must blow well in more ways than the obvious...
Submitted by mahaatma on Tue, 08/09/2011 - 7:21pm.
Cleopatra called... she wants her eyebrows back.
______
((Mahaatma, you bitch, just show up when bitches are exiting, slut!))
Can I add that i think Cleopatra would let loose her vipers for one brow? *stumbles away for the night pondering this*
_____
"too bad ... we want money...want...money..."
- Doug and Courtney, subroutine-cyberspeak of love
Actually she looks good in the main pic above..
Remember when she previously did a model shoot?
http://www.blogcdn.com/www.stylelist.com/media/2010/09/ali-lohan-in-lind...
THATS A MAN BABY!!!
-----------------
"Bye, Whore" -MK
Cleopatra called... she wants her eyebrows back.
==============================================
Riding shotgun with the Thought Police... What you say may be used against you.
This should almost be a "Caption This". The DListers are en fuego with the comments today.
Educate yourself on the badass, not-fuck-giving honeybadger, Olivia! ~MK
Terry Richardson will book her! ;)
http://www.google.ca/m/search?site=images&source=mog&hl=en&gl=ca&client=...
_____
Hair and makeup are magical!
Submitted by yucko on Tue, 08/09/2011 - 5:38pm.
I'm not sure why it seems no one has commented on this yet but... I don't think her eyebrows are that thick. She just has them filled in way too heavily with black powder/liner. I really don't understand why she would make them so dark.
Because she is just delusional and retarded enough to believe she is the next Audrey Hepburn or Brooke Shields.
_____________________________________________
"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Submitted by Manimal5 on Tue, 08/09/2011 - 7:12pm.
HAHAHAHA!!
-----------------------------
"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
Die the hair blonde...get rid of the windshield wipers...THAT HONKER...rework the lips...make sure that her forehead isn't used as a satellite receiving station...GETS JOB AT TARGET!
Submitted by caprica six on Tue, 08/09/2011 - 7:03pm.
Submitted by Mayo on Tue, 08/09/2011 - 5:41pm.
You guys are meean, i understand your hate for hohan but... This girl? she really hasn't done anything to upset you all.
______
What tha?? LOOK AT THOSE BROWS!! LOOK AT THEM HIDING THE BOOK OF THE DEAD ALL UP IN THERE (PAID FOR BY A DEFAULTED CARVEL CARD NO LESS). O.H. N.O.
--------------------------------------------------
Hahahaha! i know! her eyebrows are AWFUL! but that doesn't make me hate her, that makes me feel sad for her because she really doesn't know how to make herself look pretty, just like my people say:
No hay gente fea sino mal arreglada :)
__________________________________________________
"If I can't be my own, i'd feel better dead"- Nutshell
Submitted by Ford_Prefect on Tue, 08/09/2011 - 5:48pm.
I see a lot of "The Future Face of Many Bukake Shots" in her future. Check it out in the freak section of the porn store. It will be there right after she has her drug addled melt down.
That's about all the modeling/acting I see in Princess Fug's future.
Did I offend? See yah in bell.
__________
I fucking love you, FP. That is all.
_____
"too bad ... we want money...want...money..."
- Doug and Courtney, subroutine-cyberspeak of love
All she needs in that picture above is a big hairy mole. This is considered model material? She looks like an old hungarian woman.
Submitted by Mayo on Tue, 08/09/2011 - 5:41pm.
You guys are meean, i understand your hate for hohan but... This girl? she really hasn't done anything to upset you all.
______
What tha?? LOOK AT THOSE BROWS!! LOOK AT THEM HIDING THE BOOK OF THE DEAD ALL UP IN THERE (PAID FOR BY A DEFAULTED CARVEL CARD NO LESS). O.H. N.O.
_____
"too bad ... we want money...want...money..."
- Doug and Courtney, subroutine-cyberspeak of love
Submitted by Hekki on Tue, 08/09/2011 - 5:53pm.
Mayo, I agree. Ali hasn't done anything to deserve the hate. I feel sorry for her.
----------------------------------------------------
Exactly, the poor girl is hated by everybody just because she has a REALLY SHITTY family... Sad :(
But she does have to do something with that eyebrows situation.... i mean really.
EDITED because my english is shitty today :'(
__________________________________________________
"If I can't be my own, i'd feel better dead"- Nutshell
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 08/09/2011 - 5:51pm.
Submitted by Mayo on Tue, 08/09/2011 - 5:41pm.
You guys are meean, i understand your hate for hohan but... This girl? she really hasn't done anything to upset you all.
******************************
She snatched a possible modeling gig straight up out of my Grandma's mouf! How I'm gonna tell Granny she ain't the next "I've fallen and I can't get up" model cuz 45 year old Blohan's Benji Butts of a sister done swiped her SEXAY????
**************************************************
Hahahahaha!! say it was WO's fault!
__________________________________________________
"If I can't be my own, i'd feel better dead"- Nutshell
Is she tall enough to model?
SOme models have that asexual androgynous look. Maybe thats what they'll do to her. Chop her hair off and make her look like a boy.
-----------------
"Bye, Whore" -MK
Being an "after" picture for a PSA on substance abuse doesn't make you a model.
***********************************************
"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
my friend here never made it as a model (she's a reporter, so it doesn't matter that I post her pic).
Her name Marie-Andrée Poulin:
http://a2.l3-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/41/c996527bc913566f442085399...
It's unfair that hideous looking trolls get a chance when much better looking girls, with model-like qualities get looked over.
**************************************************
www.theanimalrescuesite.com - Click everyday to help animals in shelters
She must be telling a lot of lies because bitch's nose is growing. And the eyebrows... My god, the eyebrows.
The at NEXT smoke the GOOD shit! That made me laugh and laugh till I peed a little!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by Lurker on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 7:03pm.
Submitted by Pamela on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 6:51pm
damn girl, you tell it like it is!!!
It's so mean to pick on someone so young. But the only modelling I think she could do would be for NADs or somesuch lip waxing product. When I see here, all I can do is look for upper-lip fuzz.
I guess I'm in the minority when I say that I don't find her unattractive. She's not attractive, but in the middle somewhere.
Fix the eyebrows, add some bangs (or at least have her hair down), and take the pictures from a different angle (to disguise the nose) and you'd have a decent looking person. Add the normal photoshop fuckery that makes a person look completely unrecognizable and I'm willing to bet her pictures wouldn't be too bad.
Plus, as someone mentioned previously, just because she has an agency doesn't mean anyone will hire her.
When Ziva David met Adrien Brody
has she had a chance to do anything? I really don't know.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 08/09/2011 - 6:20pm.
OMG add a "but I gotta love her good" and you have a major country song hit...
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Is this like the Australian national anthem? (CorryAcosta)
I remember when models had to be pretty
Submitted by SoulTaker on Tue, 08/09/2011 - 5:59pm.
She has a big, crooked nose and catepillar eyebrows, and she already has neck rings.
***********************************
OMG add a "but I gotta love her good" and you have a major country song hit...
**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
If this little bitch didn't walk around acting like she's such hot shit, I'd feel bad making fun of her, but she does, so i don't. she's fucking heinous. She looks like the McPoyle sister from It's Always Sunny....
Submitted by joe shmoe on Tue, 08/09/2011 - 6:12pm.
If count the rings on her neck, will we find out her real age?
************
Great minds, because I was going to say the same thing, and judging by her rings she is 20.
*************************************
Submitted by El Bastardo on Mon, 07/04/2011 - 11:39am.
You're only bisexual if someone rams a bottle of water up your ass and you cum. FACT.
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Tue, 08/09/2011 - 6:04pm.
Herb Ritts must be glad he's dead, and won;t have to photograph today's "models".
************************************************
Holy Heck! Where the hell was I in the early 2000's that I missed Anthony Quinn's death and now Herb Ritts. I had no idea he died!
*************************************
Submitted by El Bastardo on Mon, 07/04/2011 - 11:39am.
You're only bisexual if someone rams a bottle of water up your ass and you cum. FACT.