Hot Slut Of The Day!
Yvonne, the runaway cow who is outsmarting and outwitting the hos in Bavaria who are trying to turn her into sausage. The elusive Yvonne, seen here seconds before she shape shifted back into Sam Merlotte and disappeared into the woods, has been on the run for over 10 months after she managed to escape from the farm of a sausage maker. The sausage maker was fattening Yvonne up for the slaughter house, but bitch knew something wasn't right when he kept shoving huge plates of food under her mouth. Yvonne knew that she isn't an American human named Jessica Simpson, and the farm isn't a Hometown Buffet, so all the never-ending troughs of delicious foods were too good to be true. The jig was up!
Like White Oprah's sanity gene, Yvonne slipped out undetected and ran to her freedom. Yvonne is now living in the woods and only grazes on grass during the night like a deer. Hunters have been trying to catch Yvonne for months, but the clever cow is too smart for them. German animal rights campaigners have joined the search for Yvonne, because the court has given the hunters permission to shoot to kill. The animal activists hope to find Yvonne before a bullet does. The activists are even trying to lure Yvonne out of the woods with the help of a calf and one of her relatives. Yvonne hasn't fallen for their tricks, but probably because her cousin keeps letting out a "Bitch, it's a trick!" moo.
Michael Aufhauser, an Austrian millionaire and animal activist, has offered to buy Yvonne and save her life if she's found alive.
The hunters and the activists are wasting their time. Yvonne isn't in the woods and she isn't even in Bavaria. Yvonne slipped onto a boat bound for the one place she knows where cows are embraced and given reality shows and endorsement deals with Sketchers: CALIFORNIA! Yup, so when you see Kim, Khloe and Kourtney stomping down Robertson Blvd. with their new kousin Kowlina Kardashian, don't moo one word about this. Actually, you probably won't even notice since she'll fit right in with those kows. No offense to Yvonne, I mean, Kowlina.
via Spiegel
Ahaahaaaaha! Yvonne the fugitive cow on the lamb from sausage authorities. Moooo!
I'm with commenters who noted thems some dumbass hunters being outsmarted by a cow. On an IQ scale cows are roughly equivalent to greeters at Walmart or the happy workers who sort clothes at Goodwill.
Still, I'm totally team Yvonne. She can come live in my backyard anytime.
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I heard Kowalina broke out because she is tired of being left out of the Keeping Up With the Kardashian limelight. Kim better watch out as a little birdy told me that Kowalina is planning on fucking up her little wedding ceremony. Or the honeymoon, whichever one she can get to since she first has to put her hoof up somebody's ass in the German visa department to get her visa approved... this wait time is ridiculous.
I've heard that Pimp Mama Kris is on the case because she knows Kowalina causing Kim DRAMAZ during her happy time is going to be RATINGS! for the show.
Aww, moo cows look so cuddly. Until I see a 3 dollar off sale for organic ground beef at the market. Oh well.
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"...bask again in the beauty CoCo graced Miami Beach with this afternoon. This is what a Christmas ham dinner on the angels' dinner table looks like in heaven. I bet she farts out pineapple rings." -MK
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Mon, 08/08/2011 - 11:15am.
Let this be a lesson to Centy: never underestimate a silly cow!
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Hahahaha!! Yer naughty!!
*does gentle pretend smacks to Mickey's botty*
"Like White Oprah's sanity gene, Yvonne slipped out undetected and ran to her freedom."
Hahahaha!! Run, Yvonne; run!!!
I have friends in Censornati, where they had a very feisty Cow escape her trip to the slaughterhouse. The late Peter Max bought her freedom and renamed her Cindy-Woo Freedom. He relocated her to his farm in Woodstock, NY. I think his estate still rescues livestock.
Cindy-Woo made many cow friends there. There's a children's book about this. The End
Submitted by Near_Dark on Mon, 08/08/2011 - 2:04pm.
Just go die already, you worthless trash.
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Rrridiaouw woo oo rrri-ou!
Poor little cow, I hope someone is able to save her.
The whole reason I try to never eat any beef is due to when I was a teenager and my friends had a little calf named Baby that they were raising for their FFA class. I used to help feed him and pet him and we even gave him a bath once, he was so cute and sweet.
Then one day I came over and they had made pot roast for dinner. I sat down at the table and in the middle of eating I said "Hey I went to the barn today and Baby wasn't there, did you give him away?" Everyone looked at me, smiled and then they asked me "Well where do you think Baby is?" Yep, they had slaughtered him and served him up for supper. I haven't touched pot roast or a hamburger since that day..
Submitted by Die gelangweilte Gräfin
don't blame me, blame morrissey...yeah, and fuck you tranny :)
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Only love can break your heart
I hope they don't shoot the cow. They have plenty more they can eat at the slaughter house.
Submitted by Paquita on Mon, 08/08/2011 - 7:52am.
Yvonne?? That's a french ass name!!
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It's also my middle name and my mother's middle name. We were named after Yvonne Dionne of the Dionne quintuplets. My grandmother had the dolls as a child and Yvonne was her favorite. (We're not French either, lol)
Submitted by Near_Dark on Mon, 08/08/2011 - 10:38am.
Why don't you just shut the fuck up, you sick piece of shit?
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Rrridiaouw woo oo rrri-ou!
"Go, Yvonne!! She's the Bambi Bembenek of cows."
HOLY SHIT, Nanners, I was going to post the same thing, but then I thought 'too obscure?'. That was before I saw your post, of course. That being said: run, Yvonne, RRRRUUUUNNNNN!!
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If love had a dick I would eff with it. But it doesn't (it has a no crotch like Barbie).
I know why those Krauts are desperately trying to catch Yvonne: Bitch is on the prowl and plotting her revenge against the sausage farmers. And when she has them cornered, HER FURY WILL HAVE NO BOUNDS.
Let this be a lesson to Centy: never underestimate a silly cow!
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"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err."
Mahatma Gandhi
If the cow has been on the lam for 10 months, GIVE IT UP already. Damn, man. It's one freaking Cow! Like they don't have a herd more to cull?
Run Yvonne! You in danger girl.
Morrissey: Why are they hunting this cow? Is it Jewish? This is worse than Auschwitz and Treblinka put together! Bavarians are subhumans!
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Only love can break your heart
i'm a carnivore, but i hope, hope, hope Yvonne stays in the wind....run, Yvonne, run!!!
MK-dont insult Yvonne by saying she looks like a Kardassian….
"NOSOPD -Not our sort of person darling"
"Bitch, it's a trick!" moo.
LMFAO! HAHAHHAHA. Mk, I love you..seriously.
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
Jeebus Jack! I almost spit out mah teeth laughing at "Special Sauce be with you"
Mind you, I was already peeing over MK's
"Bitch its a trap, moo"
This dlisted shit is messy bidness.
*chanting as always*
hahaha shape-shifted back into Sam Merlotte. You are too funny MK
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"Independent films are those black and white hippy movies. They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding." - Eric Cartman
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Am I the only one mentally drawing one of those "best parts of a cow" beef drawings on Yvonne's side ?
Just be alert for Kowalina to let out the ultimate "Over the MOOOOOOOOO-N" when one of those Kardashian sisters finally gets preggo with their little cash cow. Ooops, I mean kow. Ooops, sorry Yvonne :(
She ain't dumb that's for sure! Go Yvonne!
I hope the activists find her first!
The only thing missing from this story is a Marlin Perkins voice-over.
"To control this dreaded bovine, it's going to take all the muscle we've got. Watch as Jim gets her in a figure four leg lock."
"The Elusive Yvonne". Can I change my screen name? I want to be known as The Elusive Yvonne from now on. And disappear in Bavaria.
fuck deficient and loving it.
Who wants to send the intel to the Bavarians that Kim Kardashian is really Yvonne the cow? They can come collect and slaughter her anytime they like.
No wonder the Germans lost 2 world wars. They can't even find a cow. That aside, what a "grainy" pic. Haha.
The elusive Yvonne, seen here seconds before she shape shifted back into Sam Merlotte and disappeared into the woods..
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fuckin' LOL :D
how ironic if she finally wound up in Hamburg...
"with their new kousin Kowlina Kardashian"
XD Ahahahaha! You're such a riot MK!
Now when I hear Europeans bashing North America for being too fat I'll tell them they're just jealous, cause we're smart enough to catch the cows and fry em up! Haha
It's The Night of the Cow!
http://youtu.be/UyOKubW6JZU
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What kind of fuckery is this?
I thought her new name was Kawolina Kardashian. Either way, PETA's fugitive protection program is off to a bumpy start. Next thing you know, Kawolina dried up corpse will show up in Wonky's closet.
methinks someone took the cow, its not like they are sneaky small animal that can hide easily. and they spend all day grazing, either they are complete idiots or someone has that cow in a barn, or sold it as meat.
"I will pee myself today and when someone asks, "what is that smell?", I will happily tell them Veluptuous by KK!" Urmomma
As a fellow Bavarian i m embarrased by their cow hunting skills. Those fuckers are NOT THAT SMART.
Just let her walk around and have a good time, come Winter, bitch will find her a place to stay.
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"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
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http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs
EAT MOR CHIKKEN!!!
Lmao at “top out at 3mph”… hahahaha SO ELUSIVE!!!!
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
How come some guys have to shoot things to make it all better?
LOL, MK! Now I'm going to think of the Kardashians every time I see a "Happy Cows Come From California" commercial.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Add me to TEAM YVONNE!
http://mycashdragon.com/?id=1230
I can't help but root for the cow. I'm a self-loathing omnivore.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
Maybe its hiding in the upper branches of trees.
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Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 08/08/2011 - 7:46am.
Ten months to hunt a fucking COW??! We are not talking about the stealthiest animal.... IT'S NOT A CHEETAH!!
GO YVONNE!
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Submitted by El Bastardo on Mon, 07/04/2011 - 11:39am.
You're only bisexual if someone rams a bottle of water up your ass and you cum. FACT.
Submitted by Nanners on Mon, 08/08/2011 - 7:17am.
Go, Yvonne!! She's the Bambi Bembenek of cows.
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Run Bambi Run!
Don't have a cow, man.
Bavarian hunters must not be what they used to be. Cows leave huge hoofprints and paddies and, when excited, top out at 3 mph for short distances.
Also agree with Dementa: somebody is anthropomorphizing.
I can just see Yvonne grabbing a branch, putting it over her head and tip toeing past a group of drunken Barvarian hunters.
"did you hear that?,.. naw it just the wind"
*Yvonne slips by for another night of freedom*
I understand they wanted to make meaty treats with Yvonne, but damn really? Shoot to kill? shoot on site? is she vicious? or are they just mad a "dumb" cow outsmarted them for 10 months?
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Women are scientifically proven to be right even when they are wrong.
Why is that Aushauser trying to buy the cow? Why not buy a DIFFERENT cow destined for links?! It's not like this cow is aware of its fate and bravely escaping!
Trust me, I used to live in the country. Cows don't escape for a reason, they escape because they want to stand on the other side of the fence, six feet from their "captivity," and block traffic. Cows can be total douches.
And seriously, if you've been trying AND FAILING to catch a COW for almost a year, you need to give up and stop embarrassing yourself. Clearly you're not as smart as a cow, and cows are fucking stupid.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
After ten months you'd think they'd give Yvonne a pass. Hope she continues to outsmart them. Team Yvonne!