From The Department Of “I Hate Myself”

Sad is the fact that I would sweep the “Haircuts of Celebrity” category on Jeopardy!.
Sadder is the fact that I would sweep the “Haircuts of Celebrity Children” category too.
Saddest is the fact that I would also sweep the “Haircuts of Celebrity Children’s Dolls” category too.

When I first saw these pictures of Suri Cruise pushing around her plastic baby while out with Stepford Katie in Malibu over the weekend, the reunion music from The Color Purple played as I remembered seeing that same doll years ago. Then, I even said to myself, “Oh, and Suri gave her a haircut!”

Yes, I actually remembered that Suri’s doll used to have long busted hair and now it looks like it got a haircut. (A busted haircut that looks like it was done with Tommy Girl’s teeth, but that’s besides the point). I don’t know whether to be proud that weed smoke hasn’t completely eaten everything in my brain file labeled “memory” or to weep into the phone while calling DeVry to make a career change.

That being said, it’s nice to see that Suri’s scary doll still has the ability to eat at my soul after all these years.