You will finally stop waking up in the middle of the night screaming at the thought of Bongo getting stuffedanimalnapped and sold to a group of deviant Plushies who run an underground Beanie Baby sex slave ring. Because Bongo, the Beanie Baby monkey who went missing in on the streets of Brooklyn last week, was reunited with the crazy couple who raised him as “their son” and offered up $500 for his safe return. How did I not guess that a lady with Leslie Abramson hair was involved in this mess the entire time?
Bonni Marcus and Jack Zinzi live on the Upper East Side, but they were back in Brooklyn this past weekend putting up more flyers when they spotted Luis Barreto (the dude in the middle) hanging out on the street. They asked him about their beloved Beanie Baby. Their broken hearts were glued back together as Luis told them that he found Bongo on top of a parking meter and brought the monkey back to his apartment. Bonni told The New York Post that she could feel Bongo before she even stepped into Luis’ apartment.
Marcus, who teaches English as a second language at a Manhattan private school, Rennert Bilingual, said she “felt Bongo’s presence” even while approaching the apartment.
But she said she had to closely examine the monkey to make sure it was Bongo. She confirmed this through the doll’s identifying marks, including a “burn scar” she had accidentally given the stuffed animal five years ago after a lit ash from a cigar she was smoking blew onto it.
“I was devastated and gave up smoking after it,” she said.
“Felt Bongo’s presence?” No, bitch, that was just the coke kicking in.
Luis almost didn’t hand over Bongo, because he too grew to love the monkey and wanted to keep him. Luis finally agreed to let Bongo go after Bonni promised that he could visit whenever he wanted. Bonni, Bongo and Jack went back to Manhattan where they celebrated by boozing at bars before snuggling together in the bed they share.
Two things. Are you going to call Beanie Baby Protective Services or shall I? Because bitch not only burned its fur with cigar ash, but she also lost him in the streets! What’s next? Bitch is going to drown him by accidentally throwing him in the bag of dirty laundry she takes to the laundromat? Bongo obviously belongs with everyone’s favorite foster Beanie Baby mother, Jennifer Aniston.
Second, what does that stupid monkey have that makes crazies fall in love with it? It is to crazies what catnip is to cats. What Dominican dick is to John Travolta’s Scientolohole. Now, Luis will be trolling eBay late at night to get his Beanie Baby fix by bidding on another Bongo. I swear, Bongo is totally the gateway Beanie Baby.