Open Post: Hosted By The Holy Child Army

August 6, 2011 / Posted by:

Yesterday was the religious holiday known as Maddox’s 10th birthday that the Brangeloonies observe by worshiping at the Shroud of Mad (basically any black shit in their closets). The captain of the child army wanted to celebrate his own birth by riding on the angel wings of the twin messiahs to Hawaii so that he could sneak into Jennifer Aniston’s luau and replace the sand pit pig with one of her favorite Plumppets (Side note: What ever happened to Plumppets?!). Aniston dying it inside while trying to blow the flames off of her Plumppet would fill Maddox with more happiness than blowing out his own birthday candles would. But St. Angie shat on that idea, because the last time she was in Hawaii two tourists grabbed each end of her and used her as a limbo stick.

So instead of doing that, they all went to see Wicked in London, which was fine with Maddox until the theme from Friends started to scratch at his ear drums as he finally realized his worst nightmare has come true: Shiloh has a tousled version of the Rachel cut! The Rachel Cut is coming from inside of the house! Worst birthday ever.

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