Ryan Reynolds And Charlize Theron Are No Longer A Thing
UsWeekly said last month that Ryan Reynolds rebounded off of ScarJo's chichis and dove straight onto Charlize Theron's crotch. There was never really anything proof of this. No staged pictures of them trying to pull each other's swim chonies off at the beach. No "leaked" stills from their blurry fuck tape. None of that. And now it's completely over, so says UsWeekly. They say that Charlize and Ryan's time together lasted about as long as a blonde riding on Hef's grave worm dick. A source says that Ryan quit that shit, because Charlize wants to start a family and he isn't ready to dirty his muscle ab biscuits with baby barf. The source put it like this:
"He only wanted something casual, but she's in a rush to settle down, have kids and start a family since she's getting older.[Charlize] didn't take it very well when he broke it off. She knows deep down that it wouldn't have worked, but she is pretty bummed out about it all."
That's nice and everything, but what about us?! What about the people with the sex lives of a garbage disposal apple who were patiently waiting for fap material in the form of a picture of Charlize and Ryan simultaneously licking on each other's nipples under an outdoor shower? They couldn't give us that as a parting gift? Selfish bitches. And Charlize considers herself a humanitarian? More like an inhumaneitarian.
That being said, Charlize is smooth. Getting tired of fucking on a recently divorced piece who keeps doing ab crunches while you ride on top? Just hit him with the "I want kids" talk and he won't even waste time grabbing his Flex Belt while he runs out the door.
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Submitted by rotten_egg on Fri, 08/05/2011 - 2:38pm.
I don't buy this crap. Nice attempt at stamping Charlize with the "old desperate spinster" bullshit, because it doesn't fit and it doesn't make sense. Admit it, some women are just not interested in marriage and/or kids, assholes.
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Really? I wish I could find women who don't want marriage or kids because most of them in my neck of the woods all say they want those things (eventually). Or are they lying?
What's up with this guy and dating boring, manufactured blonde objects (minus Alanis)? Actually, he got quite predictable after he and Alanis broke up. Two thumbs; DOWN!
"I make myself sick, get on my own nerves. Immature, insecure grown up nerd."
-Fatlip (The Pharcyde)
TRANSLATION: My movie Green Lantern just bombed so my publicist came up with this bullshit story and Charlize Theron has never even met me.
Please - Like Charlize would want ScarJo's and Mumblemouth Blake's sloppy seconds!
Team Charlize
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I'M DONESVILLE!
Nourish the Inner Asshole
Borrachas of the world unite and take over!
Submitted by howdareyou on Fri, 08/05/2011 - 11:55am.
He just looks like, without a script, he has absolutely nothing to say. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but once you've fucked each other sore, it's nice to be able to talk about something.
hahahaha. Well said.
Submitted by little_rascal on Fri, 08/05/2011 - 1:15pm.
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Fri, 08/05/2011 - 12:59pm.
If you want to see Catherine Deneuve at her most gorgeous, check out "Belle de Jour". Perfection.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Belle de Jour is one of my favorite films. Deneuve is scintillating in this.
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
......AAaaaaaaaand Scene...CUT!
I love holliwood romanceseses.....it's so real....NAWwwwww...I almost made my self puke.....
When is "Yeah we fucked" going to be enough for you fuckers?
Submitted by Jintess on Fri, 08/05/2011 - 11:55am.
She's so pretty.
I thought there was an interview when they were still married where he said he wanted kids, Scarho did not.
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Charlize has always claimed she never wants children, I think the 'source' got the story muddled.
He looks like Sasquatch.
She's ethereal. I think I like her single and unreachable more than with some random douche.
Fuck anybody you want to fuck, Charlize, never commit, never become one of the other assholes on the baby bump watch list, just keep on toking up and sleeping with whatever hot piece you deem worthy.
He's not good-looking enough for her anyway. Ryan is not ugly but he's not worthy of making a lot of "sexiest man alive" lists.
Submitted by kate773 on Fri, 08/05/2011 - 12:56pm.
Alright, I guess I have a freaky sense of hotness. I think Ryan Reynolds is hot. There, I said it.
I'm sorry. : (
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I think Ryan is hot, in a douchey kind of way.
"Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 08/05/2011 - 12:02pm.
Who in their right mind starts discussing having children when dating for only a few weeks/months?"
You know, you'd like to think that doesn't happen but today I was having lunch with a coworker and she was talking marriage about her new beau. They've been together one whole month. Yup. 30 days, kiddos. But she does it with every guy, so whatever. I am willing to state, however, if that psycho bitch get married before me, I'm going to kill myself all dramatic like. Not really. But I will be seriously pissed because she's a headcase with a grating personality, fat ass and even thicker legs.
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If love had a dick I would eff with it. But it doesn't (it has a no crotch like Barbie).
That break-up advice is true. Or, under the opposite circumstance, make it clear that you never want kids. 'Course, most of the time it's better to tell the truth up front.
Kudos to Ryan Reynolds publicist for giving this bullshit, planted story legs. Oh it's such a SUPER DUPER secret relationship that there's no proof of it! In fact, it's so SUPER DUPER secret that Charlize wasn't even aware she was in it. Please. That that crooked faced, faked baked motherfucker could even get CT to engage in polite cocktail party chatter. Ryan Reynolds is very high on my list of 'People I Could Punch in the Face All Day'.
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If love had a dick I would eff with it. But it doesn't (it has a no crotch like Barbie).
Charlize had a "hawt" husband - damn - still can't figure out why she would leave that. Anyway, Reynolds sets of my gaydar faster than my 9th grade Business Law teacher did. Plus, he can't act for shit.
Was there ever even a photo of them together?
Please. Do not buy it.
He always looks like his eyebrows were stenciled on. Too sharply demarcated for my blood.
fuck deficient and loving it.
So is CT the new Jennifer Aniston? Ugh..
Psssst!
I have it good authority that this never happened. File under Publicists' Invention.
Submitted by kate773 on Fri, 08/05/2011 - 12:56pm.
Alright, I guess I have a freaky sense of hotness. I think Ryan Reynolds is hot. There, I said it
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Of course he's hot!! Is someone saying he isn't? Should I scroll through this thread?
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Love is Found
Http://www.cafepress.com/kosmiqpandora
wow I totally didn't see this 1 coming.
I don't buy this crap. Nice attempt at stamping Charlize with the "old desperate spinster" bullshit, because it doesn't fit and it doesn't make sense. Admit it, some women are just not interested in marriage and/or kids, assholes.
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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
If she is really in that much of a rush to settle down and have a family, wouldn't she have done it with her boyfriend of a gazillion years, not some rebound guy going through a divorce? Sounds fishy
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"It's always funny until somebody gets hurt-then it's fucking hilarious": The late great Bill Hicks
Love me a job in those gossip rags. Imagine spending the time making up garbage all day long. Wow who was the genius who came up with this horseshit?
Looks like someone is doing this to make ScarJo take back her ex.
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
OH! The Devils Advocate. LOVE that movie!
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Fri, 08/05/2011 - 12:59pm.
If you want to see Catherine Deneuve at her most gorgeous, check out "Belle de Jour". Perfection.
Submitted by EastEndGirl on Fri, 08/05/2011 - 12:48pm.
Whamo, we may have to let Sweetas be our mayo in the sammie.
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I'm in!
*waves frantically*
i never knew they were a thing!
Datura -- just thinking about it, here are some of my favorite film & TV ladies.
Catherine Devenue ("The Hunger")
Sharon Stone ("Basic Instinct")
Charlize Theron ("2 Days in the Valley," Christian Dior J'Adore TV commercial)
Lana Turner ("The Postman Always Rings Twice")
Miss Piggy (I'm not kidding -- I love that bitch!)
Christina Hendricks ("Mad Men")
beakers bitch - I don't think Charlize every got her tits done. In that picture, she's doing the pose where you push your arms together and, voila!, you have bigger tits! She's always been small-chested.
Agreed MK, Agreed.. We know all Charlize is the one who pulled the plug here.
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"Bye, Whore" -MK
Alright, I guess I have a freaky sense of hotness. I think Ryan Reynolds is hot. There, I said it.
I'm sorry. : (
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Fri, 08/05/2011 - 12:40pm.
Datura -- did you ever see Charlize in "2 Days in the Valley"? OMG, she is unbelievably gorgeous in that movie.
Yes! She was f'n hot in that movie in her white catsuit. I think her titty balls were smaller back then, though. Ya, I don't really buy this story. I'm sure Charlize is broken hearted over Van Wilder. Please.
Yeah Charlize all of a sudden wants kids with this douche, but didn't when she was with Stuart for 9 years? Total dump excuse.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Fri, 08/05/2011 - 12:26pm.
Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Fri, 08/05/2011 - 12:23pm.
Since when is cutting to the fucking chase a bad thing? Jesus, you can put a dude's dick in your mouf on the first date with little judgment but you can't talk about your life plans?
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Nah, I am still pretty judgmental on people who suck cock on the first date.
*gives self side eye*
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ONCE AND YOU'RE LABELED!
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
I haven't seen that, Twat Muffin (love your name!). I'll have to check it out.
*goes to rental store to oggle beautiful film ladies*
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
Whamo, we may have to let Sweetas be our mayo in the sammie.
If she wants kids so much she might consider hooking up with a gay trick. Ricky Martin, Clay Aiken, Elton, Neil PH. Now each of them have partners but if she could find a nice gay guy who has been dumped she'd have it dicked. So many straight guys of today are not man enough to have kids. Shit, loads of straight men of today don't even like women much less having the responsibility of kids. Men want their trucks, their guns, and their good ole boys to bitch about the democrats to.
Datura -- did you ever see Charlize in "2 Days in the Valley"? OMG, she is unbelievably gorgeous in that movie.
I just saw The Devil's Advocate for the first time recently, and Charlize has only gotten better with age. She was cute 15 years ago, and now she's gorgeous.
Ryan Reynolds is one of those actors whose sex appeal (and general popularity) remains a mystery to me.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
I am mesmerized by her cleavage. that is all.
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
we must get on our knees and thank our lucky stars if a man is in our life and try not to "scare" him off. Please.
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HAHAHA! TMI but I am a recently divorced 40 year old and that is pathetic but sadly true we are meant to feel that way.
I don't seen anything wrong with mentioning to anyone you want kids,..... DOWN THE ROAD WITH THE RIGHT PERSON. I think that's what makes the difference. most of the guys I dated said yeah, they wanted kids eventually. if they said hell no, then we just made friends.
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Oh God ,why don't you go sit under a rainbow and write a poem, Kyle.
Submitted by sybil on Fri, 08/05/2011 - 12:20pm.
Charlize will never use her uterus as a Motel 6; girlfriend isn't going to wreck that gorgeous bod by having kids!
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She already blew it out for her role in "Monster", she could get her body back after kids, IF she wants kids.
*joins NOW*
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
when will these tabloids learn to distinguish bumpin uglies from a long-term relationship? Damn. Be real. If I read "Ryan Reynolds is humping on Charlize Theron" at the checkout line, I might actually be intrigued. Reading "Ryan and Charlize getting serious-moving in together!" or some shit like that makes me roll my eyes and get a Snickers instead.
Oh yes, thanks for the vast oversimplification of what I said. No one would put it like that or be that tactless. Two adults go on a date and have a conversation, you figure out what the other person's likes and dislikes are, goals in life, hobbies, family, etc. and then you decide if you want to continue dating them. If you don't think it's a good fit for you, you still finish off the date like a lady, obviously. But this is only if they were a stranger before you started dating them. If they were your friend first you will already know these things about them. And if you are dating online, you should already be matched up with people who have the same desires in life. "You don't want kids, ok goodbye!!" is a dangerous stereotype of the desperate woman that people SO like to portray nowadays, rather than perpetuate the idea of the strong, successful woman who knows what she wants. Oh I forgot, people hate women around here and we must get on our knees and thank our lucky stars if a man is in our life and try not to "scare" him off. Please.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
I've just always assumed he was gay. The "close friendship" with Sandra Bullock, the pursed lips, bitchy attitude....
Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Fri, 08/05/2011 - 12:23pm.
Since when is cutting to the fucking chase a bad thing? Jesus, you can put a dude's dick in your mouf on the first date with little judgment but you can't talk about your life plans?
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Nah, I am still pretty judgmental on people who suck cock on the first date.
*gives self side eye*
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Submitted by El Bastardo on Mon, 07/04/2011 - 11:39am.
You're only bisexual if someone rams a bottle of water up your ass and you cum. FACT.
Stock Broker -- man, sorry to hear that, hon. That is some scary shit when a dame starts talking about kids within a few days of meeting you. Several months, several years I can see, but days?
Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 08/05/2011 - 12:20pm.
Okay, well that is crazy...and even if a man wanted kids that would probably have him running for the exit. Stoney does has a point though for those of us who waited there is no point in hiding the desire for kids (which personally I am still on the fence about). But no one said to be cuckoo about it.
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011