Vienna Sausage Got Her Beak Snipped

In case the can in your head reserved for reality trash was emptied since The Bachelor 14 ended last year, let me remind you who this Vienna Girardi chick is. Vienna is the overly toasted toucan from Florida who broke her losing streak of always coming in 4th place in every Haylie Duff lookalike contest (even the contests where she was the only contestant) by actually winning a competition. Well, that’s if you count getting stuck with a human douche bottle full of anuses as “winning.” At the end of The Bachelor 14, mega asshole Jake Pavelka gave Vienna Sausage the final rose. They quickly broke up and then Vienna Sausage took the ugly cry to a whole new terrifying level when she fought with asshole Jake during a reunion special. And now, she’s back!

Vienna is on the new season of Bachelor Pad and she promoted that shit show by showing off her new beak job to UsWeekly. Vienna explains to UsWeekly why she decided to go under the plastic surgeon’s chisel:

“It’s something I’ve wanted since I was 9 or 10. In school, they called me Pinocchio. After The Bachelor, bloggers called me ‘horse face.’ Evil names. I even went blond because my dark hair made my nose look bigger!

After the surgery, you literally feel like you’ve had your skull cracked open.”

Vienna says that now that she has a new nose to go with the plastic titty sacks she installed a while ago, she’s okay with the way she looks and plans to stay away from the surgeon’s office.

Vienna Sausage’s schnoz looked fine then and it looks fine now. I can’t even tell the difference, because all those layers of Photoshop are getting in the way. But I will say that with a different colored weave, she can finally move on from losing every Haylie Duff lookalike contest to losing every Teen Mom Farrah lookalike contest.