Matt Damon brought his bald ass head to the Save Our Schools Million Teacher March in DC over the weekend and spit out a bunch of 80-point Scrabble words at a reporter who pretty much made it clear that she doesn’t think teachers should get tenure. Matt schooled her ass by saying that he’s an actor because he loves acting (Oh really, Matt?) and teachers are teachers because they love teaching. Now, let me stop Ben Affleck’s one true heartmate right there…
Is Matt trying to tell me that one of my elementary school teachers, who I swear was the living embodiment Miss Viola Swamp, not only had a heart that felt emotion, but also loved teaching even though she snarled at all of us like a pet store snake snarls at mice in the glass aquarium next to it? This bitch totally practiced witchcraft and sat at her desk silently chanting to herself hoping that the spell would work and we’d all turn into roaches that she’d mash into a paste to feed to her cats using the one long fingernail she refused to cut!
On picture day, that evil bitch actually asked me, “Are you really wearing that?” I was wearing a grey sleeveless poly-blend shirt, red shorty shorts and matching Converse! It was a hot outfit in everybody’s eyes. Bitch was just trying to fuck with my head. So is Matt trying to tell me that Miss Viola Bitch actually loved her job? Wait. Maybe she did love her job, because it gave her an outlet to be a cunt to children. That’s a pretty good reason, actually. I stand corrected.
When the camera dude put his tongue into the debate to say that 10% of all teachers are bad and should consider going into another profession, Matt snapped back with, “Okay, well maybe you’re a shitty camera man.”
While you watch Matt’s opening speech below, I’m going to figure out how to weave the word “peen” into the fancy word “paternalistic” for future use.
PEENALISTIC! I did it! Miss Viola Bitch better give me a gold star for that shit. And here’s Matt lube-ing up his bald hard during the March.