Dunkin' Honuts
Understudy Title: Dunkin' Dosluts
Second Understudy Title: Dunkin' Doze Nuts For A Dollar
Third Understudy Title: Too Many Puns, Too Little Time
When you hit the drive-thru at the Dunkin' Donuts in Rockaway, NJ, you better be specific on whether or not you want the glazed hole and cream-filled eclair or the glazed hole and cream-filled eclair. That's because one of their employees was arrested for selling a side of ass with coffee and bear claws.
29-year-old Dunkin' Donuts employee Melissa Redmond was the star of a six-week-long sting operation called "Extra Sugar" that was set up after police got an "anonymous tip" that she was sucking on anonymous tips in the parking lot. The police started staking out the Dunkin' Donuts and immediately noticed that Melissa, who worked the graveyard shift, would regularly visit cars in the parking lot for a long time. They stepped up the investigation by sending an undercover cop through the drive-thru to try to buy a Coolatta and coochie from Melissa . Melissa allegedly took the bait and passed him her phone number.
Detective Sgt. Kyle Schwarzmann told the NYDN that the undercover cop parked and waited for Melissa to come out. When Melissa got into his car, she told the cop how much it would cost to squeeze some cream out of his Long John. The undercover cop told her it was too much and she got out of the car. He came back a few nights later and Melissa agreed to lower her prices. The cop told her he was going to go to the ATM to get some cash and that's when she was busted.
Melissa was charged with prostitution whoring.
Oh, Melissa. She almost had a perfect game going. Outdoor hookers are nearly burning their clits off in this heat and forget about selling vagina on Craigslist. That's like walking into a murder scene. Melissa played it smart. Melissa got to hang out in a temperature-controlled Dunkin' Donuts and then take 20 steps to a car parked outside when ho shit duty called. Afterward, she could gargle out the condom taste with iced coffee. It was brilliant...until the ho got caught. Her only mistake is that she didn't shush those cops with some free donuts and a cut of her earnings.
Okay, her other mistake is that she didn't pull some Sweeney Todd shit. With the price of sugar and tap water on the rise (I'm making that up), she should've held on to her johns' used condoms and really put the cream in cream puff. Actually, maybe she did........
Note to self: If I ever find myself at the Dunkin' Donuts in Rockaway, make sure to spit, not swallow.
(Thanks to everybody who sent this in!)
• 
Dumbest bitch ever. Not only is she getting into strangers' cars and doing who-knows-what with them, but AT A DONUT SHOP. Why didn't she just ply her trade in the police station parking lot?!
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
No mugshot yet. (I checked and checked.)
.........
The maintenance of a dance hall is not a nuisance per se. A house of prostitution is a nuisance per se.
Disgusting.
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"People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch."
~Jack Nicholson
Amy Winehouse "Will You Still Love Me?" (RIP)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ludxpkyrab0
It really took them 6 weeks to do this?
The US is ass backwards and needs to legalize this stuff. It hurts no one. A gal's gotta make a living .... IN THIS ECONOMY!
I wonder how many cops it took to stakeout this donut shop....
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I don't wanna be loved, just wanna quickie. No bite
marks, no scratches, and no hickey.
When the weather's hot and sticky then it's time for dunkin' dicky.
When the frost is on the pumpkin then it's time for dicky dunkin'.
Ok..great...now what?
That's some nastiness. I bet her mugshot is glorious.
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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
i call it shrunken honuts
xoxox
The war isn't working.
I'm never eating a cream filled donut again.
.
.
She just done dunked one too many.
.
.
The economy CANNOT be that bad. Or am i wrong?
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
I was going to add my two cents about how they were wasting their time going after her...now I'm thinking maybe not. It would be one thing if it were legalized and the women were protected against being beat up, raped, etc....but they're not. I know she was only trying to make some extra money, but maybe the cops did her a favor. She could have ended up dead.
Submitted by Hekki on Tue, 08/02/2011 - 3:09pm.
Submitted by angel_i: "Is anybody else wondering why they spent SO much time and energy (not to mention money) on arresting ONE hooker?"
Donuts. She should have been plying her trade at some vegan take-out joint.
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Ah. Now I understand *nods sagely*
♥ Threadkilla!
RIP, Amy: Sep14,1983 to Jul23,2011
http://youtu.be/Con6WaimJ6c
am I the only one who just sang 'teEErrrrYy'?
A bitch has to make a living!
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What kind of fuckery is this?
Hmmm... targeting Johns who are paying about $3 for a meal is maybe not the best idea. I can't imagine that we're talking big spenders here.
Secondly, you just KNOW she wasn't washing her hands after. Uuuugh.
"Oh, Melissa. She almost had a perfect game going. Outdoor hookers are nearly burning their clits off in this heat and forget about selling vagina on Craigslist. That's like walking into a murder scene."
LMAO @ THIS^
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Angels say they can make you suffer.They give and take like a vicious lover .When all this loses meaning, You'll never want it back somehow"-Neverending White Lights (The Grace)
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Tue, 08/02/2011 - 3:49pm.
I cannot BELIEVE none of you have made the Patrick Dempsey "Loverboy" movie connection!
Extra anchovies, anyone?
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Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahah! But at least he wasn't doing his ho shit ON THE PREMISES! LMAO!
Damn I loved that movie.
I determined a long time ago that if you're going to do something illegal, a donut shop is the last place to do it. A few weeks back, a guy was hot-boxing his car in the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru despite the 100% chance that a cop was in line behind him.
http://smellmybutt.tumblr.com/
CTH - that's what I was thinking. "In This Economy."
The way things are going, everybody's gonna be a HO, sooner or later.
Wait, this wasn't part of their DDPerks rewards program???
*double checks membership card*
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
"Burning theirs clits off in this heat" HAHAHHAHAHAHA!! Can we get a picture of this koolatta pimpin ho? I have a feeling she looks like the owner/instructor of that studio on Dance Moms.
I cannot BELIEVE none of you have made the Patrick Dempsey "Loverboy" movie connection!
Extra anchovies, anyone?
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I know I have a fickle heart
And a bitterness, and a wandering eye and a heaviness in my head.....
- Adele
I kid you not, I went to Dunkin this morning and there were only 7 non employees inside. Six were cops.
IN THIS ECONOMY!!! Totally agreeing with "don't cops/law" have more shit to do than THIS??!!! If this lady wants to charge for "sessy situations" let her be!I don't see the Kardashians locked up so why should this lady?!!
Coma Caca!
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The town I'm staying in now has those "bikini" espresso shacks that are really little drive-thru whorehouses. Java Juggs is the worst one, they got busted but they're still open. The owner gets the young girls hooked on OxyContin, then they have to do the customers to get more drugs, but he or she takes all the money. And I heard all of this last week, from a stripper at another espresso stand. I'll be headed home soon, where the baristas just sell coffee. *checks double tall mocha for pubes*
seriously? the cops spent a shit ton of time, manpower, resources, and energy on one woman who is clearly struggling (working the graveyard shift at Dunkin Donuts clearly isn't going to pay all them bills) instead of focusing on, say, areas where rapes and murders occur? uuggghhh.
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
dunkin donuts is soo good if you buy them in the morning, in the afternoon they are stale.
Cops wasting their time on a victimless crime. Its between her and the store manager if she is not doing her duties properly.
Maybe I'm a prudey square (Totally am), but I can't understand how a person could go do sex shit with just ANYONE who happens to pull into the drive-thru!! You know those tricks didn't bother washing their cheese danishes before they drove up.
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"If French is the language of love, then Spanish is the language of badassery!" -MK
Submitted by angel_i: "Is anybody else wondering why they spent SO much time and energy (not to mention money) on arresting ONE hooker?"
Donuts. She should have been plying her trade at some vegan take-out joint.
Guess she couldn't survive on the $7.00 an hour DD was probably paying her. If more people got creative in the money making department maybe our fine country wouldn't have so much debt. I guess they would rather have people depend on the system..go figure.
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Be kind to animals, or I'll kill you.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Tue, 08/02/2011 - 2:55pm.
Considering that most Dunkin Donuts are staffed by Pakistanis, this gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "thank you, come again".
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Now I will never be eble to hear that phrase in my local shop without laughing my arse off.
Well, as long as she washed her hands after.
So THAT'S why my eclair had a bitter, salty after taste! Good to know I'm getting extra protein.
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"Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated."
Poor girl. Sometimes I wonder if cops spent less time worrying about shit that doesn't matter (weed, victimless prostitution, etc.) if there would be less crime. Crimes like rape and murder.
Personally I like Dunkin' Doze Nuts For A Dollar
myself.
hahaha.
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Take a bow, freak. Jack-n-the-hat 10-5-2009
For what purpose was this created? A goddamn project for whore school? Sophie_003 10-6-2009
Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 08/02/2011 - 2:59pm.
Is anybody else wondering why they spent SO much time and energy (not to mention money) on arresting ONE hooker? Like, WTF Batman? Dontcha got better things to do?!
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Like they weren't already there 3 times per hour?
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
Is anybody else wondering why they spent SO much time and energy (not to mention money) on arresting ONE hooker? Like, WTF Batman? Dontcha got better things to do?!
And still - Lindsay Lohan walks free....
♥ Threadkilla!
RIP, Amy: Sep14,1983 to Jul23,2011
http://youtu.be/Con6WaimJ6c
LMAO. MK you had a lot of fun writing this one, didn't you? HAHAHA.
Meh, girls gotta eat.
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Take a bow, freak. Jack-n-the-hat 10-5-2009
For what purpose was this created? A goddamn project for whore school? Sophie_003 10-6-2009
Their new slogan can be: The donuts aren't the only things that are cream filled.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
How much for a reach around with sprinkles?
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
Considering that most Dunkin Donuts are staffed by Pakistanis, this gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "thank you, come again".
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
i wonder how much a Dunkin Beej costs?
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what's in your taco?: a. chicken b. beef c. fish d. QUEEF
So is this ho still in business or what?
I'm always up for some sexy time during my late night donut runs.
..and ... Snookie dashes over to Rockaway DD -- hear's there's a night shift opening that just opened up.
BTW - those donuts look FUCKING. DELICIOUS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ugh. had to talk about food, didnja ???
STARVING
LOL @ "police got an 'anonymous tip' that she was sucking on anonymous tips."
Didn't her boss wonder why she kept going out to the parking lot every 20 minutes?
I Get Along Without You Very Well
'cuse me occifers, but what seems to be the mothaf*ckin problem?
For real...IN THIS ECONOMY...
*scratches hole in checklist of on the side occupations*
Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 08/02/2011 - 2:46pm.
her name's Melissa, huh? things that make you go HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
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Yea, I put 2 and 2 together also... like we should be shocked.
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If you’ve got issues, psychological issues, if you’re on any kind of medication for anxiety or depression, I’m not interested. ~ Dimitri the Lover
Submitted by Daniee on Tue, 08/02/2011 - 2:33pm.
@ a Donut shop? DONUT SHOP? Where there are cops many times a night?!
Sorry, but she was dead dumb on this one!!
Agreed that it ought to be legal as well.....just for the safety of the sex workers, if anything.
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OH-KAY - that's what I'm screaming. I thought everyone on the planet knew how much cops liked donuts. Major fail girlfriend!
I also agree that selling your stuff should be legalized. It's 'the worlds oldest profession' - don't understand why folks can be such prudes about it. I ain't hating on her game - just major fail on the logistics.