The Couple That Random Threw Up

August 1, 2011 / Posted by:

Displaying the chemistry of two paralyzed sloths in a puddle of cold diarrhea, Melissa George of Alias kissed on yoga tortoise Russell Simmons at a soccer game in New Jersey last week. The Daily Mail says that Melissa is still married to her husband of 11 years Claudio Dabed and hasn’t said anything about how their marriage is now lying in a coffin waiting to be buried. But I guess a picture of Melissa putting her mouth on a skeleton wrapped in water damaged leather is worth a thousand words. Seriously, you know it’s real love when both of them look like they’re trying to push out a hard shit into the toilet.

Russell and Melissa went officially public as a question mark’s favorite couple by posing together at some charity event he hosted in the Hamptons yesterday. So I guess the last two people in the world I ever thought would hump on each other are humping on each other.

Here’s Russell and Melissa in the Hamptons yesterday with Kimora, Djimon Hounsou and all their kids. I’m going to assume that Melissa Botoxed her face until she didn’t look like herself, so that bitches wouldn’t recognize her when she goes out with Russell. Nice disguise, Melissa. Your secret is safe with us. Just use your shovel vagina to pull as much gold out of Russell’s tequila worm dick as possible and I won’t judge you for this.

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