SamRo Got Busted For DUI

Lindsay Lohan’s former partner in pussy found herself smirking at the mug shot camera early this morning after she was arrested in Baker, CA (aka the gateway to Death Valley and home of the world’s largest thermometer) for driving while in a state of drunk. That sound you hear is LiLo dropping her coke spoon to clutch at her fruit leather chest while saying, “Awww, she’s trying to get closer to me.”

TMZ says that at 10:30 this morning, SamRo was passing through Baker in her Porsche when the police pulled her over for speeding. SamRo DJ’d the night before at Lavo so the drunk probably hadn’t settled yet. SamRo got an F- on a field sobriety test and then refused to blow on a Breathalyzer. (The cops should’ve known that SamRo is a muncher, not a blower. Rude of them!) They took SamRo down the station in Baker and gave her a Breathalyzer test there. SamRo blew over the legal limit. She was booked and later released.

SamRo is a dumb fuck douche (Wait. If you’re a female douche, does that mean your vagina is self-douche-ing? Does that mean female douches smell like fish and chips and vinegar without the fish and chips?) for two reasons.

One: Driving drunk is some stupid shit, because it’s stressful trying to operate a motor vehicle while drunk. It’s disrespectful to the drunk experience! When drunk visits your body, you should savor it, love it, nurture it and hug it… You shouldn’t stress it out! How dare that foot-faced asshole waste a perfectly good buzz by trying to drive a car! And you know, that whole “killing innocent people” thing isn’t right either.

Two: When you get arrested for DUI in California, there’s a good chance that you will be sentenced to alcohol education class and that means you’ll probably find yourself sitting next to LiLo in one of those classes. Is SamRo’s stupid ass trying to get stalked again? LiLo moved next door to SamRo, and now SamRo is moving into the desk next to LiLo’s at booze education class. Seriously, most bitches in California don’t drive drunk because they don’t want to run into LiLo at the probation department. That really is a selling point for NOT committing a crime.

SamRo just… I can’t with that bitch.