QOTD: The Time A Crazed Fan Left A Baby On Dolly Parton's Doorstep
It's true that Dolly Parton's magnificent chichis are to a newborn baby as to what the endless ice cream machine at the Souplantation near my mom's house is to me. But that doesn't mean you should pull some dramatic soap opera shit by leaving your baby on her doorstep. Dolly told Fox News that back in the 1970s, some insane Dollyhead gave her the gift that keeps on spitting and shitting and screaming......
"Years ago, when I first started being a big star, I had fans that were fanatical. It was when 'Jolene' was a big hit. We came home one day and there was a baby in a box at our gate with a note in it. The note said, 'My name is Jolene, my momma has left me here and she wants you to have me'. Of course, we all freaked out! It wasn't like it was a kitten or a puppy dog. It was a baby named Jolene!"
Dolly turned the baby over to Human Services, so if you're a 30-something adopted child named Jolene, you now know that you once stared into titty leche paradise.
Leave it to Dolly to let us that know straitjacket stans existed long before Twihards were leaving tampon babies they "gave birth to" on RPattz's doorstep.
That whole story is just fucking sad, fucking pathetic, fucking desperate and the lowest form of crazy. (Flash forward to me squeezed into a laundry basket with a pacifier in my mouth, a bonnet over my head and a note that reads "Dear Anderson Cooper, Mah name is Baby Boo and mah momma wants you to have me.")
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Dolly is a pretty smart cookie. She figured out the money thing early on. Instead of having her deadbeat family members hitting her up for "loans" all the time, she built a theme park and put them to work.
The older country stars are usually Very cool, down to earth people. Love 'em.
The silly cow speaks wisdom.
Michael K appreciates the magnificent chi's just like everyone else. All hail the bosom...
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3nwtn_johnny-carson-s-famous-interview...
Anybody else see "Smoky Mountain Christmas"? It was a TV special from the 1980s I had on a VHS tape when I was little. I watched the shit out of it every holiday season. Dolly plays a celebrity who runs away from the pressures of fame to spend Christmas in a cabin, and meets a bunch of orphans. They end up being sent to an orphanage run by crazy spinsters, but then there's a judge played by John Ritter who lets Dolly adopt them all, and saves the day! There's also a witch who gives Dolly a poison apple, and a paparazzo who rides a donkey. It's a true masterpiece and I shall always be a Dolly fan because of it's existence.
I love how in MK's head all roads lead to Anderson Cooper. In a fair universe, this much stamina would be rewarded with at least one romantic dinner date.
Beneath Dolly Parton's contrived exterior lies the the soul of a good and decent human being.
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"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err."
Mahatma Gandhi
Submitted by AnastasiaBeaver... on Sun, 07/31/2011 - 7:33pm.
And a pretty good sense of humor.
Parton stated that she felt that cosmetic surgery was imperative in keeping with her famous image, but jokingly admitted, "If I have one more facelift, I'll have a beard!"
LMAO!!
Dolly is my homegirl, we're from the same town. For reals. Have a pic of me, her, and her boobs from when we met at a school function when I was a senior in high school. She's so sweet and tiny (well, most of her) and she puts you at ease when she talks to you.
I love that she laughs at herself and her gaudy get ups. As she says, it takes a lot of money to look that cheap.
I sure hope the adoptive parents changed that kid's name.
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You're simple, you're shallow, you're a common whore. That's why we're soul mates. ~Karen Walker
Submitted by angel_i on Sun, 07/31/2011 - 5:40pm.
Submitted by Manimal5 on Sun, 07/31/2011 - 5:23pm.
Oh wait...her tits are too big...there I said it.
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And she uses mortician's makeup. There. I said it too.
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*take first look at Dolly's face* Oh, she does! *returns to prior looking*
Submitted by Manimal5 on Sun, 07/31/2011 - 5:23pm.
Oh wait...her tits are too big...there I said it.
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And she uses mortician's makeup. There. I said it too.
♥ Threadkilla!
RIP, Amy: Sep14,1983 to Jul23,2011
http://youtu.be/Con6WaimJ6c
I like Dolly and her huge tittie-balls. Loved her in Steel Magnolias.
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"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
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http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs
Really MK...Dolly Parton on Dlisted? She's probably one of the nicest, most talented and genuine person on the planet.
Oh wait...her tits are too big...there I said it.
It's too bad she couldn't have sent a note back saying:
You know I hate Jolene, right?
♥ Threadkilla!
RIP, Amy: Sep14,1983 to Jul23,2011
http://youtu.be/Con6WaimJ6c
Has anybody got RDJ's address?
Carole King It's Too Late
It's kinda genius of you to deliver yourself to Andy's firehouse. Maybe he'll let you slide on his pole.
Here's hoping the people who eventually became the baby's parents changed her name.
Wait! I'm a 30-something adoptee. I still have intense cravings for, uh, dairy products. And my name is Jolene!
love dolly! she's fake (in the best, most funnest way) on the outside but good as gold at heart.
LOVE me some Dolly!!!!!!
Sad story.
Too bad Jolene is about another woman trying to take her man. Someone missed the point.
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Take a bow, freak. Jack-n-the-hat 10-5-2009
For what purpose was this created? A goddamn project for whore school? Sophie_003 10-6-2009
Jolene, Dannika... Plus ça change...
My husband met Dolly once when he was a child. It was after a show and she was very tired but she was still gracious and kind to him.
Hahaha @ MK in full baby attire on A.Coop's doorstep! The visual on that is amazing. By the way, when I wrote "the" I typo'd it and my phone defaulted it to "TGS". The people at Apple must be 30 Rock fans.
Is that a recent pic of Dolly? What did she do to her mouth? She looks Joker-ish.
Hey I'm still waiting for Angelina Jolie to adopt me.