Spaz de la Huerta Puts On A Lotion Show At The Courthouse
When Spaz de la Huerta slid into a Manhattan courthouse yesterday to plead guilty to slapping a trick, she drizzled high art fuckery on the thirsty masses by giving a free show at the security screening checkpoint. Here I was thinking that all the best performance art pieces happen on a Penn Station subway platform when the highest levels of messy art go down at the courthouse.
Page Six says that everyone was "riveted" when Spaz sashayed through the magnetometers and then slowly slathered her legs with lotion. One courthouse employee was so "riveted" that he obviously stored Spaz's high art lotion show in his brain's memory chip to pull out later while he's doing "very nice lotioning" stuff to his down low parts. Dude ejaculated these words from his mouth:
"She did both legs all the way up to the thighs. It was lovely. Very nice lotioning!"
I wish I was very nice at lotioning. It would solve of all my social problems. But seriously, that wasn't lotion Spaz lubed up her legs with. Lotion is for breathing humans and Spaz is beyond a breathing human. Spaz is like a walking chorizo with matte pink lips. So it wasn't lotion. It was Crisco. Very nice Criscoing! There, I fixed it for him.
Here's Criscoing champion and the most beautiful woman in the world arriving at court yesterday while looking like she just finished a 12-hour-long orgy in a boiler room.
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Her eyes are missing from her face. She looks like she has no soul/brain? both?
Submitted by MizRo on Sun, 07/31/2011 - 7:59am.
Her hair! Heavens...
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HS, I have PAZ HAIR right now. In my defense, I showered and washed my hair late last night, then fell asleep with it still wet.
*runs to plug in flat iron*
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What's as equally as funny to me is a hillbilly Santa Claus jumping up from his motorized sleigh to whoop a trick with pepaw fists of fury! It's a win/win. MK 7/21/11
Her hair! Heavens...
Am I dreaming, or is Paz getting a case of Judy Garland alcoholic bloat in the face? She's got that age-ed brow furrow and jowls going... it's like she aged 20 years after her ol' aged boyfrien' sucked the youth out:
http://dlisted.com/2011/07/11/paz-de-la-huerta-found-true-love
Maybe it's just my imagination, but every time she's onscreen with Steve Buscemi, he looks pained like he's thinking, "Damn, couldn't they have gotten me a REAL actress?"
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Is this chica any realtion to Oscar or daisy de la Hoya?
She has a good body and I like her natural look.
I mean, when all a girl has to do is wipe a dirty Pampers Cruiser all over her face...shit, it's almmost fucking romantic.
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GERONIMO!
Submitted by warmislandsun on Fri, 07/29/2011 - 8:02pm.
She looks like a bad Barbie doll. I love her.
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Yup. She so damn disconnected and, I'm sorry, for someone that wears zero makeup (except gloss), she carries it pretty well. Now if she can just do some fucking crunches for that vodka bloat she'd be runway.
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"People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch."
~Jack Nicholson
Amy Winehouse "Will You Still Love Me?" (RIP)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ludxpkyrab0
Spaz. I can't even with her noble cray ass. Just something, though, that I like. Definitely not the cray. Maybe it's her war against mascara and her needing to do basic hygiene in public, but, just something.
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"People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch."
~Jack Nicholson
Amy Winehouse "Will You Still Love Me?" (RIP)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ludxpkyrab0
She looks like a bad Barbie doll. I love her.
The color of her skin cannot be found in nature. Just sayin...
Submitted by Manimal5 on Fri, 07/29/2011 - 6:38pm.
And I thought Taters head was huge!
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Taters head is enormous, but you can't score a free grease and oil change for family station wagon off its drippings.
Spaz is a giver, like that. :)
WTF is wrong with her face?
Submitted by becky n sydney on Fri, 07/29/2011 - 5:53pm.
Thank you, Spaz; you've managed to select the only outfit capable of distracting my gaze from your head.
And I thought Taters head was huge!
Thank you, Spaz; you've managed to select the only outfit capable of distracting my gaze from your head.
I love her. I hope she's not on drugs. I really want to believe she's genuinely a bit batshit.
She probably is on drugs. Recent interview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbY5o9mn5R0
She is all over the place.
My abuela had that same dress in the 70s.
Dude! Spaz is on the drugz?
I thought that she was just constantly this sweaty, crazy looking and so on naturally.
For serious now, I know she will never in a million years become a beloved actress like Kate Winslet.
That's why she rules! She plays herself in every damn role, but damn it, she's always cast as a slut, drunk, crazy, maniac whore anyway, so who are we to judge? I mean, I didn't choose to become a NYC top broker, coz shit, I'm better with maths and biology and shit, yaknow?
We, wise horz, stick to what we know, like Spaz, who always plays a character she can relate to :)
who in tarnation does her damn hair?
I'm always fascinated by this chick's face...the tiny, almost non-existent eyes...the constant (meth?) sweat...
Anyhoodles, I just google'd some pics of of her...I think she has done a SHIT TON of surgery to her face...my guess:
At least 2 nose jobs, top lip augmented & her chin shaved (she was rivaling Asslee in the pointy-chin department). She wasn't ooogly before, but actually kinda cute. But shit, drugs fuck everybody up.
*******"Curtsy motherfuckers!" - Michael K. 04/30/10*******************
Why do her lips look like skin grafts?
She's definitely someone who looks better at an angle. Those head-on shots are tragic.
Hohan should take note. Spaz is the queen of slutty, and even she knew to cover her shit in court.
Granny Cheese also had that same blouse in the 70s & would wear it with black polyester pants and black plastic sandals from Carol Wright Gifts catalog. Just sayin.
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As useless as a saggy pair of tits
Submitted by oggie168 on Fri, 07/29/2011 - 1:21pm.
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Your avi is so fucked up, in a good way Oggie.
I love Spaz. She can lotion up in front of me anytime.
people!
Listen to me, in this dire world of unending winter American Siberia (the Midwest) her amazingly warm complexion and overly moisturized skin makes me so jealous.
In Ohio(close to lake Erie) things get dry and cold for over 8 months a year.
Therefore, people -- like me -- worship things like her, because they're so rare, compared to our overly bleached, Manchester!(perm) horz.
Anyway, just watch Boardwalk Empire if you want to stop complaining about not knowing who she is.
In one of the later episodes, Diane (from trainspotting!) smacks her and gives her a good 'sit down, bitch!' speech.
Well at least she didn't show up with FU nails and Fuck me pumps.
So refreshing to have a starlet on the scene that has the etiquette down pat. Lindsay Lohan needs to watch and learn from her.
Did he see the actual bottle of lotion? She probably just wiped the grease off her brow and applied it to her legs.
That is a whole mess of fug right there
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As useless as a saggy pair of tits
I don't know if it's a merkin, actually. You get a pretty long and close shot of her pussy region in Enter the Void, and it looks pretty real and pretty full.
She looked really homely before. I think it's weird that people think she's this exotic sex-pot:
http://www.celebs101.com/gallery/Paz_De_La_Huerta/196163/Paz_De_La_Huert...
Submitted by Chris Eccleston... on Fri, 07/29/2011 - 1:40pm.
What is it about her face that's just a little bit off?
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Her lips are always the same color as her skin... icky
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"Shit. Since when did sexting become a community college English class?" - MK
Her face, dress, hair, have all given me a migraine.
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Okay, that is just awesome. Paz, I love you.
Submitted by sillykat on Fri, 07/29/2011 - 1:53pm.
I love this slut and her nastiness. She actually has a really beautiful face. I would totally do her.
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I think she's really pretty in a bad lip injections kind of way. I've never seen her act in anything, so that might sway my perception of her.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
She's so greasy she stained the inside of my monitor.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
What's with the faux Pucci--Poochie? Puccy? Phucci?--from Kohl's? I though Spaz was an international woman of glamour and here she is rocking the designer imposter.
Submitted by Chris Eccleston... on Fri, 07/29/2011 - 1:40pm.
What is it about her face that's just a little bit off?
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to me is the eyes...they are always so puffy like she needs a lot of rest. get her some preparation H, then some lashes and make up, then maybe she'll look halfway decent.
And I thought her hairy kat was all natural...that she let it grow for her role. oh well.
"Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated" - Father Andrés
Submitted by Deb on Fri, 07/29/2011 - 1:44pm.
She appears to be under the delusion that she is so hot that she can go around sans fards. She needs the fards.
LOL!!
Amie
She's still dressed more appropriately for court than Lohan, who always looks as if she just came from or is immediately going to the club.
Amie
I love this slut and her nastiness. She actually has a really beautiful face. I would totally do her.
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Fri, 07/29/2011 - 1:42pm.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 07/29/2011 - 1:34pm.
"YES. She has a fuckin RUG between her legs but I still would..."
Wouldn't it be more efficient to narrow it down to an oh-hell-no-list?
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OLOL!
Rug? Like 70's shag, berber, or Kardashian? Wait. Wait. Never mind. I am just gonna stay in the dark on this one.
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Too bad she has NO clue how to hide the crazy and that shit backfired like creamed corn out the ass.-ISprainedMyUvula
Submitted by NOT IMPRESSED on Fri, 07/29/2011 - 1:43pm.
I still don't understand her face, though. It always looks like there's something missing, but I can't put my finger on it.
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A brain? A personality? A soul?
She's blank.
Submitted by Deb on Fri, 07/29/2011 - 1:44pm.
Submitted by NOT IMPRESSED on Fri, 07/29/2011 - 1:40pm.
I'm tired of her, and I only know who she is through Dlisted.
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Co-sign. She should be sentenced to use some Great Lash, a bit of eye liner, and some fucking lipstick.
She appears to be under the delusion that she is so hot that she can go around sans fards. She needs the fards.
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Ah ha ha ha ha ha! Best line ever! I'm taking it for my signature, it that's ok with you.
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Thanks, Thought Police. Where would any of us be without your vigilance?-Kenneth G
Submitted by guest on Fri, 07/29/2011 - 1:28pm.
Twat Muffy...she wears a merkin in the show...you know a wig for your vajay! LOL. Who knew they even made something like that? I sure didn't.
I love her for some strange reason.
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The merkin is there to cover up her tuck game.
FACT.
She looks somewhat normal when she is photographed in profile shots, but, good grief...full frontal facial shots (no perv) are freaky:
http://dlisted.com/node/42870/images/spl299907_008.jpg
Nice oily complexion, who does your makeup, British Petroleum?
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
This trick has not one ounce of class, glamour, or elegance in the vein of the Empress of Lucite or Chicken Cutlets.
Throw it back.
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"You're smarter than you look. Of course, you look like a retard." ~ Cordelia Chase